- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
So, I have posted before about how stressed my mom makes me and how it’s worse since she’s far away in a dangerous place and we only talk on Skype. Well, we had a long talk tonight and it was so so helpful to me. Basically we argued until I broke down, and then she finally understood to back off a little.
First, she talked a lot about the logistics of the wedding, and I could only sort of make her understand that I had already thought every one of those issues through. I guess part of the problem is that she’s so out of the loop, we’re all having separate conversations, and I need to be better about including her before I get upset about her duplicating my efforts. Then, we started to talk about other decisions to make, music, food, transport, etc, etc, and I just started crying because it’s so so frustrating to be the go-between for Fiance and my mother, when I just want to make them both happy, but they have such different ideas and then everyone else has an opinion too which they express to me and it’s so hard to balance that.
For instance, I care about the venue more than anything else at all, and have a short list I wanted to visit last weekend, but Fiance didn’t want to do all that driving, and said ‘just pick one’. Fiance likes the one I picked cause it’s cheap and has a cool ambiance. My mom is worried that it’s too small, and that there aren’t enough bathrooms. I mentioned some of the others on the list to my dad, and he said most of them were ugly and too far away. He can have no idea of the difficulty of finding a place for 150 with a rain plan with our budget. I would try to cull the guest list, but my mom can’t leave anyone in our family out (“it’s primarily a family event”) and Fiance wants all his friends there. I have exactly three people of my own on the list, I’m not cutting them.
When I got across how awful I was feeling, my mom finally decided that instead of just me and her, Fiance will get in on the convo this weekend, and they can argue directly. I really don’t want either one unhappy with the other, but this really might be the best option. And she pointed out that I should just do something for myself and go visit the places I want to see. I think I will do that all alone and stop being influenced by others…I’m such a people-pleaser but I think I am going to put my foot down and choose the place I want to be married. After all, it looks like I’m going to get minimal input on everything else (which is kinda fair since parents and Fiance are paying, I’m broke).
Whoa, that’s long, congrats if you got to the end of that! Hope I don’t come across as a completely ungrateful brat. It’s such a help just to write this out to sympathetic strangers! Now how to express all this to Fiance….