Post # 1
Hello everyone, newbee here and I really need to vent.
I got engaged 8 months ago, plan to get married this December, but we have a problem, my fiancé hasn’t had a job in a while now, and of course everyones first thought is how do you plan to get married if you have no money? The wedding planning has been going extremely slow, slow to where we have only given the deposit on the venue and that is it; now I’m starting to think if that was a mistake seeing as we are now less than 10 months away and still no job. My parents are always saying the same thing when I want to talk about the wedding, saying things like “if he does not have a house for you and a job you cannot marry him”, I hear that way too much!
He has been looking for a job, in the oil rigs to be specific, but he has not gotten much luck, and that is what has slowed us down a lot. We really want to get married already, and I would really like to start actual planning but its just hard with my family not being supportive of any decision I make. Nobody even knows we have the venue set aside!
I have faith that he will soon find a job, and that all this stress and comments will stop, but help me out here bees, tell me ways I can relax. Right now he is getting by with unemployment and well I have a job that pays very little a month since I get to do it from home, we have little money set aside, but not enough to pay for a wedding. What would you do if you were in my situation? Please help!
Post # 3
Is scaling the wedding back an option for you? Have a smaller casual reception at a park or town hall or in a back yard?
Post # 4
Well the thing is that since we gave the deposit on the venue already, I’m not too sure anymore. They did tell us they did not give deposits back, so that would be $800 we would be losing if we cancelled. I told my fiancé if we did nothing at all instead and he told me that once I gave the deposit that I had made up my mind so that we were sticking to it. Good thing about the venue is that we can give full amount left a month before the wedding, which we have until November to do so thats why my fiancé thinks it will be possible to pay off.
Post # 5
Postpone the wedding. You need to be realistic, you can’t have a wedding or plan one when you can’t pay for it. Just wanting to get married isn’t a good enough reason to put stress on yourself your man or your family.
These people are only trying to look out for you and are trying to help. Move your date back a good 6 months with your venue. See how things ago over the next few months.
Tell your parents you have decided to put the wedding on hold until you have a better financial situation. I think you’ll be surprised how relived your family and man will be without that pressure hanging around. Imagine how stressed your man must feel trying to find a job and knowing you want this wedding that he’s struggling to provide it, its not fair.
One reason your parents may not be supportive could be because they would feel obligated to get you out of a jam if your money plans full through and they are forced to pay for your wedding you just had to have and weren’t willing to wait for. They only love and care about you.
Just remember your dream wedding will be well worth waiting for.
Post # 6
Financial stability and indepence are huge issues for me, I personally would not proceed with a wedding if there was any chance we’d be so broke or in debt that we’d have to rely on or live with family members. Since money is the number one cause of divorce, your parents are correct to be concerned that you are planning to enter into a marriage on unstable ground financially. Postpone it until you both have decent jobs, money in the bank for the wedding, and an emergency fund in case of another lay off.
Post # 7
Honestly, in your situation, I would elope. It’s something my now husband and I almost had to do. Luckily, we got away with just being able to scale back the event and cut the budget to the bare necessities.
Post # 8
Thanks for the responses everyone. I have talked to mi fiancé about moving the date to a later time and now he is the one that doesnt want too, he just keeps telling me to have faith and that everything will work out and we will have the money in time, but I’m not too sure.
Our very first choice was just to get married at the courthouse and have dinner with our family, then it went into a backyard wedding(but neither actually has a big enough backyard or home for that), but then since he wanted December and a couple of family members became excited and said they would help out we decided on the venue. It was my mistake to go too early and put a deposit on the venue, but if within the next month things still havent looked up I will have to make him change his mind and postpone the wedding.
I agree that this puts so much more stress on my fiancé and that it is definitely not fair for him, and I have not told my family about the set date for the same reason, they just know we plan to get married and that is all. He will have to agree on posponing because going into marriage with debt or being financially unstaible is something we agree we do not want to do. I will have a talk with him again and see what he decides to do. Thanks bees!
Post # 9
I say secretly elope and get married at the courthouse while postponing the actual wedding for your families. Or secretly elope and continue on with your original planning in good faith that everything works out. But I would hate for you to put yourself in a situation where you go forward with the wedding as planned for Dec. and end up racking up bills that you and your new husband end up in debt over. Not a fun way to start out your new life together.
Post # 10
For some people eloping is right, if it’s not for you don’t do it. There is nothing wrong with postponing the wedding until you can afford it and are not stressed about it. You and your Fi should decided on a date where if he doesn’t have a job yet you guys postpone. Most places will return your money if someone rebooks, given that dec isn’t wedding season that may not happen for you. If you post pone, ask the current venue if they would mind letting pick another date they might be willing to be flexible with you.
ps: I don’t think you guys need to buy a house right now, but sometimes having family caution us and tell us what we don’t really want to hear, is them supporting you.
Post # 11
I’d recommend postponing the wedding or scaling it back to a much simpler affair. I don’t think it’s right to begin your marriage in debt. There is nothing wrong with postponing the wedding if there is no money…I think that’s a financially sound decision. HTH.
Post # 12
I have talked to Fiance and we have agreed that if he does not get a job soon we will talk to the venue and see if we can set back the date, but he still says he doesnt want to move it too far, three months is the most he will go. To begin with we do not plan to spend too much on the wedding. His brother is a photographer so we get all the photo stuff for free, my dad is a musician so he will play, and well the venue comes with food cake centerpieces and all so we only have to worry about my dress his tux and other small things. We are getting some help with the wedding thats why he does not feel to stressed about it. We are also not having a wedding party. We will scale back where possible (I just ordered my shoes and they cost me $28, I think thats a great price!)
We would like to go for a house, if the money is available, but if not we will go for an apartment, or last choice his moms house. I do not really feel eloping is for me so thats why I think we prefer to wait if we have too.
Post # 13
I dunno…you don’t have to have a “wedding” to get married….my Fiance and I waited until NOW when WE CAN AFFORD a wedding to have one…we’ve lived together for 7 years….
I guess it’s about priorities…to us, we’re already married, we just want the party now…and we have worked hard and earned it…..
unfortunately, since your Fiance has no job, I really don’t think marriage is a great step to take…and if he really wanted a job he would take what he could get….regardless if it’s serving coffee at some coffee shop or what he wants…..
Post # 14
@smcs28: Oh I know we dont have to have an actual wedding to be married, but like you said since he has no job right now it wouldn’t be smart to get married if we have no money to pay bills. I know he can get any job, becuase when he has looked around here where we live he has never had a problem, but now he is looking out of the area, and he wants to find a job that pays well where he would like to work for a long time, and that is what he has not found yet so we are waiting. For now it is posponing, if the job comes soon then we stay with our original date.