I wish my FI had friends… HELP!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t normally feel guilty leaving FI – but sometimes I do.

FI lost all of his friends in his last breakup before we started dating. He doesn’t have as many friends as I do, but he does have a few- some from work, his best friend since he was like 5, and one of our neighbors.

The most I can do is encourage my FI to reach out to his friends – say YES when they ask you to do something, etc. I would love for him to make more friends, but he just hasn’t. We always joke around how he’s Paul Rudd from I Love You, Man.

Do your friends have any SOs you can set him up on man-dates with?

Post # 5
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i get that he gave up a lot for you and that was really nice of him, but i think it’s kind of crazy that he had to make you feel guilty over spending a few hours with other people.

ETA: i’m not really sure what you can do about it; it kind of needs to be up to him to reach out/put in the effort to make friends on his own.



Post # 6
466 posts
Helper bee

It can take a while to make frends as an adult  My situation is sort of the opposite.  I moved to NY and made a few close friends after I arrived including my SO.  We started dating and the few freinds I made moved away over that time.  (I still have friends in my hometown who I visit though.)  I don’t love that I don’t have any close friends here, actually it really sucks.  That said I don’t mind when my SO goes out with his guy friends.  Sometimes its nice to have an evening alone just me.  Yes, I might prefer to go out with a girlfriend, but, right now, I don’t have any locally.  

Don’t feel guilty, he probably wants you to have a good time.  I really don’t mind when my SO does his own thing.  I’m trying to do my own thing to expand my social circle, but its really hard when you don’t know anyone who can introduce you to new people.  

Post # 8
328 posts
Helper bee

@PuckBunny:  I don’t have any advice, I just wanted to say that I totally sympathize.  BF is a bit of a loner-he’s got some anxiety issues and PTSD makes it difficult for him to be in more crowded situations.  


We were doing the LDR thing for the past year, and he just recently moved out to my area.  I’m hoping to encourage him to go to some low key events that line up with his interestes (music, comics etc.)  Hopefully he’ll meet some people that way, but it’ll be no pressure.

Post # 10
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@PuckBunny:  Keep going out with your friends. It’s important to do some things separately even if you do spend the majority of the time together.

He’s a big boy. If he feels the need to make friends, he will. Maybe he just isn’t that bothered?

Could you hang out with your new friends as couples sometimes?

Maybe encourage him to join other teams.. or hang out with people from work.. or something?

You can’t really force these things and it is hard for adults to make friends, but I think it’ll happen when it happens.

Post # 11
328 posts
Helper bee

@PuckBunny:  Haha, wish I could help with that, and actually, it’s a shame you’re all the way up in Canada, because I would probably set up our two guys for a “playdate”!  LOL.  


Definitely focus on his OWN friends, rather than forcing your friends on him.  But that doesn’t mean don’t include him sometimes.  And you can always try doing couples activities/events that couples are likely to show up to, i.e. cooking classes, wine tastings, if any of that stuff is up your alley.

Post # 12
946 posts
Busy bee

I sometimes feel guilty about doing things with my friends (even though we live an hour away from them, and I only see them 3-5 times a year) for this very reason.  My SO has no friends.  I don’t mean, “Oh, he doesn’t have people he hangs out with.”  I mean, before we met, he did not have ANYONE in his life other than family and coworkers (and he keeps very strict boundaries as to what kinds of interaction he will engage in with both of those groups, and how often – he only sees his coworkers at work, he only sees his family when he has to for family events, etc).  I am his ONLY form of social interaction.

I am not an extrovert; I have a very small group of close friends (3) and am very happy that way.  I have no desire to expand my group of friends.  But I feel bad about the fact that he occasionally has referred to me as “his only friend.”  At the same time, though, he has expressed (very strongly) that he does not want to make friends, and that he likes being solitary and does not desire interaction with other people.

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