Post # 1
Plan #1 was to go up to Napa California and get married in the middle of the vineyards. Our parents would be present, and we’d have a photographer for 2 hours. I’d get a dress. He’d get a tux. Boom. Done. My original reasoning was that it would save us A LOT of money.
But then I started looking into it, and the venues up in Napa were ~$3K for elopement weddings… so I figured, if we’re going to be spending $4-5K dollars total, we might as well have a big ol’ traditional wedding.
Then it spun into this whole, huge, **WEDDING** back in my hometown in upstate NY, with all of my family, the FI’s family, and our friends. I’m regretting it. All of it. We’ve already put down deposits for a photographer, baker, DJ… we’ve paid the tent rental *and* the florist IN FULL… I want none of it.
Even though we’re spending roughly the same amount, I’ve discovered that our first plan was never about “saving money;” it was about just wanting something simple with my FI.
I have moments of complete panic. Now being one of them.
I’m not enjoying this at all.
I’m not going to enjoy trying to drag my FI onto the dance floor with me nor will I enjoy seeing everyone bored to tears because they don’t want to dance; I will get my feelings hurt when my “friends” from CA, RSVP “no” because they don’t want to spend $ on a plane ticket (and yes, I will then judge them for every major purchase they make thereafter;) I am going to feel embarrassed because the ceremony space in our venue in NY is so narrow, there’s no room for chairs so everyone is going to have to stand; I will want to rip out my hair because my niece is a loud brat who doesn’t know how to behave and will probably scream/cry through out the entire ceremony, ruining our vows…
I just wanted my FI, myself, the sunset, and a vineyard. It would have been so beautiful and simple… 🙁
Post # 3
@LadyMoriarty: I can relate on so many levels. The original plan for us was FH, myself, our parents and two of our best friends at the courthouse. We knew that we didn’t have the money to pay for even the simplest of weddings so we figured this would be the best option. When I told my mom, she kind of went crazy and offered to foot the bill for more than half of the traditional wedding. Because she offered and because FH said ‘why not’ we started all the planning for this wedding. Like you, we have put down deposits on basically everything, but I just don’t want this wedding anymore. It’s turning into a bigger hassle than it’s worth. Our guest list keeps growing (it’s twice as big as I wanted it) and I’m just not good at planning, so I feel like while I have a plan, it’s not cohesive and I’ll be scrambling up until the day before the wedding trying to make sure it goes together. I agreed to have the wedding because I thought I would have help but I’ve been doing it all by myself and there’s a reason I’ve never planned any kind of celebration in my life… I wish I had stuck to my guns and had the wedding I wanted instead of giving in.
Post # 4
@LadyMoriarty: Breathe girl! You have quite a bit of time to make this more of the wedding you want. What about scaling back the guest list to keep it more intimate? To be honest, I was nervous about our 95 person guestlist being too big and overwhelming. But looking back on the day, it really didn’t seem that way.
The basic requirements for a great wedding are, in my opinion, 1) a couple in love, 2)people there who want celebrate them, 3) some food and drinks. You’ve got all these things and more.
As far as dancing goes, the people who will dance with do it and love it, the people who want to sit and chat with others with do it and love it. If you FI doesn’t want to dance, he doesn’t have to! I danced all night, my husband mostly talked and goofed around. Guess what? We’re still married! We had a standing ceremony and no one complained. Everyone was so freaking happy I don’t think they noticed the lack of chairs.
As for your niece talk to her parents or grandparents ahead of time about expectations for her behavior. You can hire a sweet lovely high school student to be responsible for her if she’s too much for her parents to handle. If that fails, stuff her face with candy right before the ceremony starts. 😉
Post # 5
@LadyMoriarty: Sometimes wedding planning can certainly take on a totally different direction. I say if you already have the venue booked in NY just do what you can to make the best of it. At my wedding only a few like the dance so I am having alternative entertainment a photobooth, board games and interactive guest book. Maybe scale down the number of people invited to fit in some seating. Little adjustments might make the day more special. It will still be a very special day for you and your FI.
Post # 6
cancel everything and have the wedding of your dreams!
Post # 7
@remijp: Haha, yeah, I’m definitely planning on stuffing my niece with candy all day just to make her behave… maybe my brother-in-law can keep her inside during the ceremony. The ceremony is what I’m looking forward to the most so hopefully something will work out so she doesn’t ruin it with her screaming/carrying on.
Post # 8
@SouthernGirl: I’ve been pretty good at keeping my guestlist around 45-50 people… but that still seems like a lot to me. I’m flying back to NY a whole week-and-a-half BEFORE the wedding, just to make all of the centerpieces/card box/guestbook/etc and make sure everything goes smoothly (have I mentioned I HATE crafting? lol). And I won’t be having any help either 🙁 And my mom flipped out too! When I told her my original plan she got really sad, and then I felt guilty… and now this is happening.
Post # 9
@bebero: I totally would, if there was a way we could get our deposits back. We’ve put down $1K in deposits alone… I can’t just throw away $ like that :
Post # 10
@LadyMoriarty: I am so sorry 🙁
I have no advice other than what’s done is done. Just try to enjoy your day with your new Husband! Maybe after this fiasco you two can enjoy a nice quiet honeymoon (or plan a getaway trip soon) and use that as a supplement!
I dont know if you are a fan of The Office, but two characters, Jim and Pam, were being overwhelmed with what their wedding was turning into. Neither of them wanted it, their wedding was for other people. They snuck off before the wedding and eloped at Niagra Falls without telling anyone. They showed back up late and proceeded with the wedding. While everyone was doing what they wanted during the ceremony – they just smiled at eachother knowing that they had done something with just them, just the way they wanted. (yeah i cried during this scene a little! LOL)
maybe you dont have to do something that extreme, but you sound really bummed about your day. Maybe if you and FI would consider secretly doing something like that to ease your mind?
Post # 11
@leisha606: I *love* that episode of The Office! I cried too 🙂
That’s a really good idea… I’ll talk to the FI and see if maybe we can do something like that. Thank you!
Post # 12
@LadyMoriarty: I totally get where you’re coming from with the deposit money because I just don’t swim in cash. However, think about it this way.
you can put MORE money on top of the 1000 for something that you won’t even enjoy and spend X amount of money in something that you want
or you can part ways with the 1000 and still have the wedding you really want
Post # 13
Or, an even better idea in line with what was suggested before.
turn your wedding into a straightup party. wear whatever you want, don’t have speeches or a ceremony or a first dance or programs or anything like that. make it a simple party, and marry at the courthouse the morning of!
Post # 14
@LadyMoriarty: I can relate. On a positive note you’ve realised things now. I’d obviously say to cancel but if you’re going to lose $1K I see why you’re frustrated. Perhaps scale things down where you can. I hope you work something out.
Post # 15
@LadyMoriarty: hey! I am from Upstate NY too!!! I say since you already planned everything, stick with it and make the best of it! i went through the same thing. we almost canceled it all…and then I thought, what if i regret not having all of my friends and family around? I figured that I would never regret having them there, but I might regret NOT having them! I think when the day is all said and done, it will be a perfect day and you will look back and be happy 🙂
Post # 16
@LadyMoriarty: I am NOT a crafty person. I would love crafting if I were any good at it, but I’m not. I had around 5 people promise to help me with any of the crafty, DIY things (these girls are crafting queens) and yet none of them have offered any help since and have declined or bailed on any plans I try to make with them to do stuff. It’s disheartening because I was counting on getting some help from somewhere. I feel like I can’t enjoy any part of the planning process because I’m so busy being stressed out.