(Closed) I wish we’d NEVER even talked about rings and getting married!!….

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Your story sounds very similar to mine. We knew we wanted to marry each other very early into our relationship, and so it seems like I had been waiting FOREVERRRR… This totally happened to us a bit while I was waiting… I have a tendency to go overboard when my mind is set on something. Once we knew for sure we would get engaged I became super entangled in everything wedding and it was on my brain CONSTANTLY.  I regret pestering my FI as much as I did before we got engaged and will try to make patience a priority in my life from now on! I’m completely empathizing with you right now… Hang in there and try to make it a happy thing for yourself instead of a sad one! <3

Post # 4
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am sorry you are having a hard time. You are lucky to have known so readily that you’d found the one! I do think that you are the only one with the power to change the effect this is having on your relationship, though. It is understandably frustrating when you think you’re ready and it isn’t happening with little in the way of helping you understand why not. Hating yourself for thinking this way is not going to help you and only compound the negative effect. You need to consciously stop obsessing about weddings. That might mean stop talking about it. That probably means stop posting on a wedding message board; it’s the sad reality that if you are so negatively affected by waiting, being immersed in wedding culture can not be helping. Consciously choose to focus on other things. It sounds as if you have a wonderful relationship, and when the time comes, it will be all the happier because you will not have had so much anxiety surrounding it. And for what it is worth, being a woman does not mean that it is natural to focus on weddings; we have been socialized into that. Regardless, good luck with dealing with this issue.

Post # 5
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My FI talked about getting married a lot in the beginning of our relationship… we moved in together after 1.5 years, and all that talk stopped.  It didn’t bother me, cause I wasn’t ready to rush into marriage. He proposed after 3 years, and we are getting married at just about 4.5 years.  Works out perfectly for me… but he def. talked about how he couldn’t wait until we were married a lot at the beginning… not sure why really!

Post # 6
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It is really hard, my FI and I knew really early on that we wanted to get married but the timing was really bad…. for about 3 years!  I would suggest really trying to think about why you want to marry him.  Its scary, as soon as that ring is on your finger, even if you are 100% sure, you are going to think twice about it. 

Post # 7
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Well i am glad that i am not the only one feeling like this. The only difference between you and I is that I have been waiting 3 years already and there is no proposal in site for at least another year… Patience is also not my virtue, neither is keeping my mouth shut. You and I will both need to learn to keep our obsessions on the down low. lol I have no advice, only sympathy for your situation. I wish the BF had never brought it up so I could focus on something else. Anything else!

Post # 8
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know exactly how you feel because I’m the same way – I fixate on things, whether they’re in my control or not. (Think grad school! Haha!) 

I went through the same thing, and the best thing that I did was just take a break. I took a month to just focus on the here and now, and appreciate our relationship for everything that it was. It’s way too easy to get caught up in the negativity of what you wish was going on in your life. Even now, it makes me sad that we’re financially not in the position to have a shorter engagement, because even though I know why we’re waiting until 2012, every time a family member oohs and ahhs over my ring and asks what our date is, I get sad. 

Just remember that you’re excited to get married because you want to spend the rest of your life as your SO’s partner. But, essentially, you have that right now. Even though there are definite changes that come with marriage, being unmarried doesn’t make your relationship less automatically. Take some time to remember why you’re in love!

I hope things get better. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 8
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

(Whoops, double posted.)

Post # 10
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Hope to see you back in a few weeks!

I used to feel the same way. He discussed marriage first, so sometimes I wish he had NEVER brought it up because when he said he wanted to marry me, my mind went “When, when, when???”

I just get focused on other things for a bit. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am so glad you took my comment in the spirit it was intended! After I posted it, I was worried it sounded harsh, but sometimes, it just needs to be said! I hope you find another fun board and come back to visit! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Cubbies your story sounds EXACTLY like mine (our one year is July). We have been friends for 9 years and he continually tells me I need to be on alert at all tmes because I never know when he is going to ask and it drives me nuts.. I just keep rationalizing it in my head weve only been dating for 9 months..

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