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Sounds like just a difference in expectations. How many photos will your photographer be taking? (My photographer's contract has a maximum number stated.) The reason I ask is because if you only get so many pictures, then you should make sure your photographer spends time taking pictures you would actually want to put in your album.
I'm sure they assumed you'd naturally have hundreds of pictures of yourself too. <3
When I asked our family's for lists of pictures I got some weird requests also (my Dad wanted a picture of just his friends ) I think a lot of this could be from being clueless about weddings and their time constraints. When I explained to my Dad that we had 20 minutes for formals of our family, he quickly agreed that pictures of friends could be more "candid" style from the reception. If you feel comfortable, I would ask them to trim the list and then for the family photos that they didn't ask for you to be in, just ask (I'm thinking groom + aunts and uncles or something). We are doing some pictures without the other (only bride or only groom with family) but this is because we aren't seeing each other before the ceremony! I'm not sure how usual it is otherwise.
Sweetie - It's YOUR wedding. Let me say that again, it's YOUR wedding. If these family members think it's a great idea to do a professional photo session of all the various families, they can book separate sessions ON THEIR OWN DIME with your photographer. On YOUR wedding day, while it's appropriate to do family pictures with YOU in them, it's NOT appropriate for wedding guests to take over the photographer for their own FREE professional photo shoot. Stand your ground. Not only is this inappropriate for them to ask, it's downright rude.
I had a wedding once where the bride's grandma kept pulling me and my assistant over at the reception forcing us to take group photos of just her little parts of the family without the B&G. She kept saying "I'll order prints I'll order prints," like it matters. She didn't hire us and we weren't there as her personal photographers.
I just don't understand what some people don't get about the fact that a wedding is not the time to try to get free pro photos of yourself and YOUR family. Because the fact is they AREN'T free, they are costing the B&G valuable time that cost them money. But then again, as soon as you refuse the grandma the next thing you know someone is out there smearing your name. Don't know if there is a way to win in that situation.
I had a couple of family members (not immediate) pull the photog aside to take some shots of them. I thought it was bizarre and kinda rude. We only had the photographer for a limited time due to budget constraints, so I wasn't thrilled at someone hijacking the shoot. It's your wedding, not a family reunion. If people want a photo shoot without the bride and groom they can set up their own tripod and go to town.
I think it's pretty normal to do family portraits at a wedding. Everyone is there and dressed up. I recal my family doing photos with the B&G at my cousin's wedding but I'm pretty sure there was also a shot where the B&G stepped out. The last wedding I attended, the photographer did a couple shot of all the guests (35) which seemed nice but we didn't get a chance to see the photos or order them if we even wanted to and the couple sure didn't waste their print package on these photos so in the end it was useless. I will have my photographer for the whole night and our families are small so this request would not bother me. If you are not pressed for time, could you suggest to FMIL that the family portraits you won't be in are taken after dinner so at to not interfere with bridal party and formal shots?
I can't imagine asking anyone's opinion of what shots they would like to see taken. I won't be following this trend. I think you should be in almost all of them considering it's your wedding day!
If you're paying, you don't need your photographer to spend her time on their private family photo shoot.
I think a few pics w/o the bride and groom are ok (say, a pic of just your parents, or just his parents), but a list of 30 shots? No way. I think you were very nice to even ask for their input, don't let them run the show.
agreed with the other posters who said they shouldn't take over YOUR photographer. It would never cross my mind to ask our families for a list. i know we will get immediate family and I might even ask they take a pic of just my parents... but a list of 30?? really inconsiderate...
I think you as joining into their family with the wedding need to be included in photos. Obviously there should be a few of just him and his family just like there will be a few of just you with yours (I'm thinking just siblings, you with your parents, etc. Not extended family).
Our photorapher did some shots of families at our reception. I actually really like looking at them and it is nice for guests to have a good shot of them. This however should not take away from your photographer taking pictures of you guys.
Wow, I am glad I don't have to deal with that. The FI's family is just his mother, his stepdad, his sister, his niece, and his nephew (no grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). If they want a family picture without me that is okay. If his mom wants a picture of just her and the stepdad, that is okay too (since he is the best man).
Actually, I could see my grandma wanting just her and my dad and uncles, and that might happen. My photag is my BIL, so I don't have a maximum of pictures. :-D
We've actually just added what we call a portrait station at wedding primarily for this reason. Our assistant comes and sets up a studio light and background off in a corner or anjasent room and guest {all of moms third cousins} can come and go as they please. My FH and I aren't being pulled into different directions trying to get these groups and we can focus on the B+G and candid moments. Oh and they are a lot of fun with with the drinking crowd. Think photobooth but able to fit large groups. We give the disk to the B+G and they can make prints and send them in their thank yous or whatnot.
You can probably talk to your photographer about this situation and see what they have to say about it.
You are not paying your photography to take family photos that don't include you. Not cool.
I personally think that is very strange. It's like they aren't recognizing that this is YOUR wedding!
You can kill 2 birds with one stone here by telling them there are too many pics on the list in the first place. Just say that they only have a few minutes so give you their top 5 and you'll try to do the rest. Then talk to the photog behind the scenes and tell him to keep you in most of the pics, except for those 5.
I agree with others and the professional photographer who commented - it is your time and money they are wasting and kind of disrespectful to want so many pictures without either you or your husband or both.
Oh hell no. Personally, I think that's unacceptable. My father's wife tried to pull that bs at the wedding and it really irritated me. She was so hung up on getting professional pictures of herself. She was even asking my photographer to go to different locations to take pictures of her. Thankfully my photographer blew her off and told her there wasn't enough lighting where she wanted to go.
The way I see it, you spend a lot of money on a photographer for your wedding day, and he/she is not meant to be used to take formal portraits of your guests only.
I am totally with you on this! I would want to be in a large number of MY wedding photos too! You are paying for your photographer, not your FMIL!
It is common to have family portraits but typically I have seen them done with the groom or bride only with their respective families and then with both the bride and groom. I have seen both immediate family photos and then ones with a few more of the extended family (grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc.) depending on the size of your family. If you are taking those photos and everyone is lined up, it is easy to take out the bride and/or groom and take a quick photo, but if the photos that have been requested do not fit with the "easily remove the bride/groom" rule, then I would not be accommodating those shots.
@moderndaisy: I like this idea of saying there is no time and to pick the top 5 she wants. Then she gets a few of her photos, but does not eat up all your time with your photographer.
if it's way too much for your photographer to take (which i'm guessing it is...) i'd call/email her and say really really nicely something like "i'm so sorry I wasn't clear when asked you about the pictures! i figured you'd give me a list of half a dozen, so i didn't specify how many shots we could do. We're only planning on an hour (or however long) for all the formal pictures, so I'm worried we won't be able to get your whole list done. I'm really sorry I didn't explain that better at first. Can you let me know what the most important ones are, so we can be sure to get them, and we'll try and fit in as many of the other ones as we can..." or something like that. (starting with an apology, not blaming her for anything, and not straight up turning down what she asked for will all make for that going over better)
Your wedding is not the time or place for them to take formal photos of their family. If anything, tell them you can speak with your photographer and see if you can get them a deal to do family portraits. You and your DH should be in almost every group picture whether it be family, friends, bridal party etc. I personally just would "forget" to give your photographer their list.
@Ms. Meowerson:Did you parents want shots of just them and other family members? Or shots of you and them, your DH and them and family, etc? It sounds like the OP's MIL is basically asking to use their photographer to take formal pics of her side of the family and friends. I think its standard to do ones just the groom with certain people (bridal party, family) and the bride alone with certain people, joined families etc. But I think any further than that is at the bride and grooms discretion, like pictures of all the aunts and uncles without the bride and groom, etc.
@macgal08 - I haven't met very many of my FI's extended family, and he's lived across the country from them since he was two years old. They're family, but they're also kind of just names on paper to me. I asked my FMIL for help because she would know who's who better than me.
What a lot of people are suggesting are exactly what I was thinking, that she would let me in on the loop of the 5 "most important" people that FI and I should get a photo with.
A list of 30 combinations that only include FI (if that), not so much.
her list isn't a requirement. you take what you want from it and let your photographer know what he should and shouldn't be taking photos of. As far as getting group shots of people without the bride and groom in them, I wouldn't allow it. Unless of course your photog is just taking candid shots around the reception hall because he has nothing else to do. But you paid for his time, and he shouldn't be interrupted to take pictures of groups of people that don't include you two.
Sounds like you inadvertantly opened a can of worms. I'd just point out that you will have time limiations on the number of photos, so you'll only be able to get a few of the photos. Or you can just play if off like "thanks for all of the ideas, [FI] will pick a few to add to the list for our formal photo half hour."
Oh my goodness! This scenario hadn't even crossed my mind! I think it's outrageous for them to think that they get possession of that many photos all to themselves. Your photographer is there for you and your FI... to take meaningful photos that you will look back upon and cherish. They are not there for portrait sessions, and to be highjacked by family members and guests. I'm going to give my photographer a list of "must have" shots, but I'm not a fan of posed group photos anyway ... so no one else will have a say in the matter!
Good luck with your FIL's... At this point, I think the top 5 most important shots are the best way to go... maybe ask FI if he finds it odd?
@naangel55- i was referencing my parents' wedding actually, not mine. =) my mother had a shot taken with her parents and her siblings- no dad in it. i think they wanted to take advantage of the fact that the brothers and sisters and parents were all together in the same place, as everyone but my mother lives in Australia. didn't really seem weird, as long as they aren't taking like a dozen pictures of people- i think it was just one shot with the brothers and sisters and parents, but there was also a shot of my grandparents, all the children, all the grandchildren, and all the spouses, so dad was in that one too.
@naangel55- i was referencing my parents' wedding actually, not mine. =) my mother had a shot taken with her parents and her siblings- no dad in it. i think they wanted to take advantage of the fact that the brothers and sisters and parents were all together in the same place, as everyone but my mother lives in Australia. didn't really seem weird, as long as they aren't taking like a dozen pictures of people- i think it was just one shot with the brothers and sisters and parents, but there was also a shot of my grandparents, all the children, all the grandchildren, and all the spouses, so dad was in that one too.
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So, around Easter I asked my future-in-laws to send me a list of the groups of people it's essential to get a formal photo of. After a few reminders, they've finally sent it to me, and low and behold, they haven't included me in ANY of them. They did include FI in some, so I'm not sure what to make of their list...Maybe they just assumed I knew I was included, or that I'd already figured out all the photos I wanted to be in?? I don't want to have to ask her if she actually meant to have 30 photos of just FI with various family members.
Also, they've indicated groups that don't include either of us, because they thought it would be "nice for families to get professional photos of themselves all dressed up". Is it just me, or is that a really strange expectation?? I would never go to a wedding thinking I'd get a group shot taken of just me, my sister and my parents without the bride and groom...
As far as I know they like me... so I don't think it's a passive agressive thing... I'm just not quite sure what to make of her list.
ETA - FI will be wearing his RCMP dress uniform, and his family is OBSESSED with it, so that's why I kind of think she may have actually really meant to not include me.