(Closed) I won’t be in any of my wedding photos!

posted 7 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 3
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sounds like just a difference in expectations.  How many photos will your photographer be taking?  (My photographer’s contract has a maximum number stated.)  The reason I ask is because if you only get so many pictures, then you should make sure your photographer spends time taking pictures you would actually want to put in your album.

I’m sure they assumed you’d naturally have hundreds of pictures of yourself too.  <3

Post # 4
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

When I asked our family’s for lists of pictures I got some weird requests also (my Dad wanted a picture of just his friends ) I think a lot of this could be from being clueless about weddings and their time constraints. When I explained to my Dad that we had 20 minutes for formals of our family, he quickly agreed that pictures of friends could be more “candid” style from the reception. If you feel comfortable, I would ask them to trim the list and then for the family photos that they didn’t ask for you to be in, just ask (I’m thinking groom + aunts and uncles or something).  We are doing some pictures without the other (only bride or only groom with family) but this is because we aren’t seeing each other before the ceremony! I’m not sure how usual it is otherwise.

Post # 5
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sweetie – It’s YOUR wedding.  Let me say that again, it’s YOUR wedding.  If these family members think it’s a great idea to do a professional photo session of all the various families, they can book separate sessions ON THEIR OWN DIME with your photographer.  On YOUR wedding day, while it’s appropriate to do family pictures with YOU in them, it’s NOT appropriate for wedding guests to take over the photographer for their own FREE professional photo shoot.  Stand your ground.  Not only is this inappropriate for them to ask, it’s downright rude. 

Post # 6
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I had a wedding once where the bride’s grandma kept pulling me and my assistant over at the reception forcing us to take group photos of just her little parts of the family without the B&G. She kept saying “I’ll order prints I’ll order prints,” like it matters. She didn’t hire us and we weren’t there as her personal photographers.

I just don’t understand what some people don’t get about the fact that a wedding is not the time to try to get free pro photos of yourself and YOUR family. Because the fact is they AREN’T free, they are costing the B&G valuable time that cost them money. But then again, as soon as you refuse the grandma the next thing you know someone is out there smearing your name. Don’t know if there is a way to win in that situation.

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I had a couple of family members (not immediate) pull the photog aside to take some shots of them.  I thought it was bizarre and kinda rude.  We only had the photographer for a limited time due to budget constraints, so I wasn’t thrilled at someone hijacking the shoot.  It’s your wedding, not a family reunion.  If people want a photo shoot without the bride and groom they can set up their own tripod and go to town.  

Post # 8
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I think it’s pretty normal to do family portraits at a wedding. Everyone is there and dressed up. I recal my family doing photos with the B&G at my cousin’s wedding but I’m pretty sure there was also a shot where the B&G stepped out. The last wedding I attended, the photographer did a couple shot of all the guests (35) which seemed nice but we didn’t get a chance to see the photos or order them if we even wanted to and the couple sure didn’t waste their print package on these photos so in the end it was useless. I will have my photographer for the whole night and our families are small so this request would not bother me. If you are not pressed for time, could you suggest to FMIL that the family portraits you won’t be in are taken after dinner so at to not interfere with bridal party and formal shots?

Post # 9
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can’t imagine asking anyone’s opinion of what shots they would like to see taken. I won’t be following this trend. I think you should be in almost all of them considering it’s your wedding day!

Post # 10
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If you’re paying, you don’t need your photographer to spend her time on their private family photo shoot.

I think a few pics w/o the bride and groom are ok (say, a pic of just your parents, or just his parents), but a list of 30 shots?  No way.  I think you were very nice to even ask for their input, don’t let them run the show.

Post # 11
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

agreed with the other posters who said they shouldn’t take over YOUR photographer. It would never cross my mind to ask our families for a list.  i know we will get immediate family and I might even ask they take a pic of just my parents… but a list of 30?? really inconsiderate…

Post # 12
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you as joining into their family with the wedding need to be included in photos.  Obviously there should be a few of just him and his family just like there will be a few of just you with yours (I’m thinking just siblings, you with your parents, etc.  Not extended family).

Our photorapher did some shots of families at our reception.  I actually really like looking at them and it is nice for guests to have a good shot of them.  This however should not take away from your photographer taking pictures of you guys. 

Post # 13
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow, I am glad I don’t have to deal with that. The FI’s family is just his mother, his stepdad, his sister, his niece, and his nephew (no grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). If they want a family picture without me that is okay. If his mom wants a picture of just her and the stepdad, that is okay too (since he is the best man).

Actually, I could see my grandma wanting just her and my dad and uncles, and that might happen. My photag is my BIL, so I don’t have a maximum of pictures. 😀

Post # 14
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

We’ve actually just added what we call a portrait station at wedding primarily for this reason. Our assistant comes and sets up a studio light and background off in a corner or anjasent room and guest {all of moms third cousins} can come and go as they please. My FH and I aren’t being pulled into different directions trying to get these groups and we can focus on the B+G and candid moments.  Oh and they are a lot of fun with with the drinking crowd. Think photobooth but able to fit large groups.  We give the disk to the B+G and they can make prints and send them in their thank yous or whatnot.

You can probably talk to your photographer about this situation and see what they have to say about it.

Post # 15
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You are not paying your photography to take family photos that don’t include you.  Not cool.

Post # 16
Member
6664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I personally think that is very strange. It’s like they aren’t recognizing that this is YOUR wedding!

You can kill 2 birds with one stone here by telling them there are too many pics on the list in the first place. Just say that they only have a few minutes so give you their top 5 and you’ll try to do the rest. Then talk to the photog behind the scenes and tell him to keep you in most of the pics, except for those 5.

I agree with others and the professional photographer who commented – it is your time and money they are wasting and kind of disrespectful to want so many pictures without either you or your husband or both.

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