- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Hello Waiting Bees. I’ve been lurking a bit and decided to finally join and post.
My SO and I have been dating for two years. We’re 24. I’m in grad school for social work and I will graduate in May. We don’t live together, as I live with my mom and he lives with his parents. He has a terrific, full-time job in his field, and we’re dating seriously. We’ve had talks about marriage and what we want, including times, restictions, and even some wedding details.
One of our recent talks came with terribly annoying timing for him, but I wanted to know what was up. It was a few weeks ago. I had asked him what was up and said that I really wanted a timeline. We had talked before and we had said that it was possible to hear wedding bells before the end of 2013 (!!!) for ourselves, together. I basically said that it’s my life too, that I would be so proud to call him my husband, and that I see this happening. If we really want it to happen, we should think about setting things into motion so that it can happen with low stress (unlike a co-worker and friend of his, who is planning a wedding in a little less than 6 month timeline. YUCK.).
I learned to not ask questions I wasn’t ready for the answers to. 🙁 He said that he’s been seriously thinking about it for four months (at that time) and that he was actually thinking about proposing in October, in peak color time, because it’s my favorite time of year. That felt like such an insult, because he said, “but we had started having more arguments and disagreements, and I got nervous, so I sort of stopped.” I was so devastated. I had actually led myself to believe it would be at that time. He had kept talking about fall walks, he had asked me about the process of buying a ring, and asked my ring size. We had had all of the little talks, all of the big talks…and here he was, saying he had been in, but it had been ruined, by arguments. He also brought up a specific argument. OUCH
He also said he was about 90% there, that I don’t have anything to worry about. I called bull on that. I was worried. Since then, I’ve stopped doing the crying over it thing, and I’ve talked to my mom, and I’ve talked to my dad, who basically both said, he will, he’ll do it when he’s ready. Dad says, he figures, what’s the rush.
SO and I talked about what Dad said, SO replied that that was 90% true.
Bees, I can deal with waiting. I would wait for him, gladly… the part that’s so confusing and devastating is that arguments caused it. We’ve gone over (and over) the fact that everyone argues, and that if we stay together, we’re in for many more arguments. I feel like I ruined something. I feel super underappreciated because there is so much more to the relationship.
I’ve started to employ Mr. Bee’s plan, at least beginning the motions and hoping my heart will follow. I updated my hair style (should have months ago, I love it…), I’m starting to work out more again, and I’ve started to do more things with friends and carve out more “me” time. It’s been good, and I feel more in touch with myself and what I want. However, when I think about my future without him, I get horribly, horribly sad. I want him in my life, and that’s that.
Also, proposing to him would totally not fly. It’s been discussed. It’s a major turn off to SO. I can see why. I’ve had him set the pace for the relationship each step of the way.
Any thoughts, suggestions? I’m doing my best not to be resentful but I’m feeling more underappreciated by the minute.