I would have thought that small wedding means easy wedding.

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

damarajade:  My MIL has 5 siblings. My FIL has 7 siblings. We did not invite their children. DH doesn’t even know all his cousin’s names, let alone care if they attended his wedding. My whole family was invited because it’s really small (I only have 2 cousins). It’s your wedding and you are not obligated to invite people who you rarely speak to.

Post # 3
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If you want an easy wedding, elope.  It’s what we’re doing.  Nobody is invited, no guest list worries, no trying to please everyone.  Who is paying for the wedding?  If you and your FI are, then you have all the say.  If not, you’re going to have to kowtow to your (or his) folks wishes.

Honestly, if I heard that a friend or family member was planning their wedding and wasn’t engaged, I wouldn’t take anything I heard about the wedding seriously.

Post # 5
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I don’t understand how you’re planning a wedding but not engaged. That makes zero sense.

ETA: obviously at some point you agreed to get married and begin planning…so it stands to reason that you’re engaged lol

Post # 7
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

damarajade:  “

So a formal proposal and a ring are required for an engagement?  We’re planning because we have an open, honest relationship. 

My gosh. Is this what people are getting from this post?”

I think what she means is; you guys are planning your wedding so technically you ARE already engaged.

Also, I feel your pain. We have a guest list of 75 (not sending out save the dates so hopefully we will get some declines… I’m a terrible person haha) and I’ve cried more times than I care to admit because I don’t like the fuss of all this planning, but like you FI has a huge family and it’s important to him that they’re all there so I’m sucking it up.

But honestly, if you aren’t close to your relatives don’t invite them. It’s your wedding, your money, and your call.

Post # 8
Member
2374 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

WithTheMostess:  Meh, they’re engaged whenever they feel like saying they are.  If they want to wait until the ring and the proposal that’s their decision.  (We did the same.) 

damarajade:  If your guest list is that small, do you really want either of those people at the wedding?  Someone (family or friend) that you only speak to once a year?  I always assumed that if you were having a very small wedding it was only very close friends and family.  The closest of both!  Invite who you want.  If anyone makes any mention of the guest list, cite the venue limits and that its a very intimate wedding because of that. 

Post # 11
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Honey – so many women put the cart before the horse and plan the wedding and the guy says “yeah yeah” and then doesn’t follow through with his end of the bargain.  I’ve seen it before on these boards.  No need to get your panties in a wad.  Since you’re paying for everything, YOU call the shots and screw anyone who doesn’t like it.

Post # 13
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

damarajade:  We went through something similar in the early stages of planning. Step number one is to let go. Unfortunately, weddings are not really all about the couple. They’re more for the family. If you truly want something simple, make it immediate family only. We are having 10 people watch us get married in my uncle’s backyard. Then we’re all going out to dinner. I’m getting the honeymoon I want, the dress I want, and the photographer I want. Frankly the wedding itself isn’t really what I would have chosen. I realized since basically I couldn’t have the wedding I wanted, and it became all about extended family, that I’d rather just drastically cut the guest list. That way we can at least have the honeymoon of our dreams instead of spending 15k on relatives that I haven’t even seen since I was a kid. 

Post # 15
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

No worries about the ring! DH and I were engaged before he “proposed” to me. Actually, everything was booked by the time the ring came in. We had a small wedding as well (we invited 50) with 42 guests in attendance. First off, as our compromise we split the guest list 50/50. We invited aunts/uncles who we’d seen and talked to within a year. If we hadn’t. They weren’t invited. No counsins. No children. The rest of the guests were our friends. 

Our parents were pretty understanding and supportive. We also paid for the wedding ourselves. We wanted small and intimate for different reasons – we just loved being able to celebrate with our nearest and dearest. Just tell people you’re having a very small wedding – most get the hint fairly quickly. Also, give people a number. We told a couple we were having a small wedding, but they thought small as in 100 and weren’t sure why we weren’t inviting their child. 

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