Post # 1
Okay here’s the deal: I’m a BM in a wedding next weekend that’s in my hometown but is about 12 hours from where FI & I currently live. I’m incredibly excited and honored, but there’s one issue.
Parents of the wedding party were not invited (the bride is my close friend from HS and knows my mom quite well). I am spending the night with the bride in the hotel the night before and will spend all of the wedding morning getting ready with the bride & her girls. My mom has graciously offered to drive my FI to the ceremony (about an hour from her house). FI doesn’t know anyone else in the state and I will have the only car we bring with us. Additionally, I found out a few days ago that the bridal parties’ dates will not be invited on the party bus or to take pictures between to ceremony and reception, which is about a 3 hour gap. My mom said she would be fine hanging out with FI for that time, which likely means hanging out in a bar and drinking. I’m fine with that.
My question: what should my mom do between dropping off FI at the church ceremony and taking him to the reception? She has said she’ll just come to the ceremony because she’d like to see me, but she wasn’t invited. Is it rude to ask the bride if my mom can just sit in on the ceremony (NOT the reception–I would never do that). What do you all think?
Post # 3
@lalalorelai44: I think you should say all of this to the bride then ask her is she has some suggestions as to what you Mom should do during that time. Don’t directly ask if she can come to the ceremony. But the bride might not have thought about all this and she may say something like “oh well why doesn’t your FI just come along with us!?” or “just tell your mom to come to the ceremony” or maybe she knows a cool place for you mom to go?? But at least this way she’s the one coming up with the ideas, not you.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Have mom do something else. If you ask the bride for mom to sit in on the ceremony the bride will feel bad about not inviting her to the reception. Actually, why doesn’t your FI and your mom find something to do until the reception? I don’t see a problem with him skipping the ceremony in this instance, plus it will give him some time to bond with your mom.
Edit: It is the week before the wedding, LEAVE THE BRIDE ALONE!
Post # 5
I think that entirely depends on how the bride has been throughout the preparation… has she been fairly level headed or has she been really picky and stressy?
I would have no problem with you asking me, especially under the circumstances. It’s really not an unreasonable request.
Is the ceremony in a church? Cos anyone can go to church weddings…
Post # 6
@lalalorelai44: mmmm part of me thinks you may as well ask, the other part thinks the bride might feel pressured to invite your mum to reception
Post # 7
Can your fiance come up with you and stay in a hotel alone the night before? That would save your mom having to drive him and would eliminate the situation with her wanting to attend the ceremony.
It sucks that SOs aren’t invited to the bus/pictures. My fiance was the best man in a wedding like that, but it ended up being okay in the end because I was able to spend more time in the hotel room sleeping and getting ready.
Post # 8
@lalalorelai44: I don’t see the harm in asking if your mom can go to the ceremony. They aren’t paying per person at the ceremony, so it’s not going to cost them anything. If the bride has known her for a long time you’d think she would want her to be there, even if she isn’t going to the reception. I personally wouldn’t have minded if someone came to the ceremony even though they weren’t technically invited.
Post # 9
@cmbr: Yeah the original plan was for him just to hang out in the hotel and drive to the ceremony, but the hotel is $200 a night and we can’t check in until 3. So that’s fun. I am kinda bummed about the bus/pictures, but her BP is already huge and even though there are quite a few couples between the BMs and GMs, that’s still a lot of people. She’s been checking in with me throughout her decision making process, though, just to make sure FI can find something else to do.
Thanks everyone for your advice!! I did send her a quick text just asking for any ideas on what mom can do. She responded “Um why doesn’t she just come to the ceremony??” Thank GOD for level-headed & understanding brides!
Post # 10
Please dont talk to the bride. Just have your hubby skip the ceremony. She wont ever know and no one will miss him.
Post # 11
If a bridesmaid asked me this, I would have been COMPLETELY fine with it.
Post # 12
assuming the ceremony is in a church – unless it’s exceptionally small – I don’t see anything wrong with you mom sitting in on the ceremony.
Post # 13
Yeah I probably should have added that it’s a 300 person wedding in a church that holds more than 1,000 people. So that probably has something to do with her being fine with it.
I’m a little surprised so many people are saying not to even speak to the bride. Really, I’m not supposed to talk to my best friend since we were 13 just because she’s getting married in 10 days? About something wedding related, nonetheless? I kinda feel bad for you, if you’ve dealt with brides like that. I guess I’m exceptionally lucky that all the weddings I’ve been in, the brides have wanted to communicate with and accommodate their BMs!
ETA: Since it is in a Catholic church, I think technically all ceremonies are open to the public. But I didn’t want my mom just to randomly stop it without checking with the bride first.
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I was going to say that FI can stay at the same hotel, which would solve the problem of your mom driving and being bored, but that was before you responded with the hotel price and that you already talked to your friend, so never mind, lol.
Post # 15
Just have FI skip the ceremony. No one will notice, and it will be WAY more convienent for everyone!
Post # 16
My logical self agrees with this: “@AllieBee12: @lalalorelai44: I think you should say all of this to the bride then ask her is she has some suggestions as to what you Mom should do during that time.”
But my more realistic self really wants you to do this: “@beachbride1216: It is the week before the wedding, LEAVE THE BRIDE ALONE!”
Seriously, I have 45 more days to go, and the weariness of my brain can barely handle the decisions that must be made at this point. I can not fathom the thought of dealing with anymore etiquette, logistics, arrangemnents for able-bodied adults the week before the wedding. You just gotta figure it out on your own.