Post # 1
A long time ago (probably earlier this year or late last year) I wrote a post about wanting to change our date because I didn’t think my grandparents would make it to our wedding. Our date was May 5, 2012. We moved it up to March 3 because we didn’t want a wedding around the holidays.
On Tuesday (11.1.11), my grandfather passed away at 80 years old. I’m not writing this post looking for sympathy, but more so some understanding or perspective. I feel like it’s my fault my Papa won’t be at my wedding in 4 months. He loved weddings and babies and was SO EXCITED for us. He loved my Fiance. They are actually a lot alike, which is comforting. I like knowing that he approved, I just wish he could have been there. And that’s where I get hung up – he COULD have been there if we hadn’t decided to wait so long. :/
I feel so ridiculous. I know I can’t control things like this. I know he was proud of me and loved me, and I know that I loved him more than anything. He was the ONLY man who had been here for me my entire life. The only one. And now my wedding in 4 months seems so silly.
Post # 3
@AmeliaBedelia: Im so sorry!!! My grandfather passed away 10years ago but I still thought about him being there on my wedding day… I knew he would have loved it. My grandmother passed away only a month before we got engaged so I wished she could have seen us too! 🙁 It definetly sucks. We did an entire memory table so we could have them with us that day!
Post # 4
@AmeliaBedelia: OK, let me just say.. I know where you are coming from and with this post I feel like we might be the same person on some aspects. I called my grandfather ‘Papa’ too.. and he was legit the ONLY man that was there for me, protected, loved and cherished his little princess until I was 13. I have an older brother but he was an ass for most of my life. I am so sorry you are going through all of this and this “guilt” must be really hard for your to deal with. When my grandfather was in the hospital, I chose to stay home and do a school project instead of flying out ASAP… come to find out that he died the day before I could present the project.. so I flew out and missed my project AND never got to say goodbye to my papa. I know it is in no way comparable… but I still cry about that sometimes. (like now when I am thinking about it) But I know school was so important to him that he would have been proud that I was so commited. Know that your grandfather will STILL be very happy for you and LOVE your wedding. He is STILL going to be there, you just can’t see him. You have to forgive yourself (and it may take some time.. hell.. I am still in the process) and just accept the fact that the past can not be any different.
Post # 5
i know a little of what you’re going through. My grandma went into intensive care two weeks before our wedding (so she wasn’t able to be there) and passed two weeks after which didn’t give me enough time to visit her because of our honeymoon. I’m so sad i never got to see her after i got married, as she was our biggest supporter..
Post # 6
(((Hugs))) I am so sorry for your loss.
Try and take comfort in the fact that he saw you engaged and happy and planning your wedding. That he knew you would be happily married.
My grandmother (last grandparent I had) passed away about a month after I got engaged. I was so ad that she would never see me get married (especially since I had been with my Darling Husband so long). A large part of me was so sad that we’d waited so long to get married and my grandmother would not be able to see it.
But I had to remind myself that she knew I was getting married. That she was so happy with I told her and that she really liked my Fiance (no DH).
On my wedding day I wore a ring my mom found in her jewelry box that was the wedding ring of her Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law. My mom wore one of my grandmother’s rings. It helped us feel like she was there that day.
Do not feel like this is your fault. He knew you were happy and that this joyous occasion was occurring.
Post # 7
@AmeliaBedelia: First of all, I am so very sorry for your loss. I would also like to say that I know how you feel. I wanted to get married in June this year, but ended up pushing back to October. My grandmother passed away three weeks before the wedding… I felt like it was my fault she couldn’t be there because I waited, but in the end, it was out of my control. I really miss Gram, but she was with me in spirit on my wedding day. It was a beautiful day, and she helped make it happen; she helped shape me into the woman I am today… and I’m so thankful for that.
I know this is still going to take some time for you to really come to terms with, but that’s okay. You can’t keep beating yourself up over what COULD have been… that’s like saying what COULD have happened if your Fiance had never met you… Just know that your grandfather will be there with you too on your wedding day. I think it would honor your grandfather if you went on with things as planned (he sounds a lot like my grandmother). Again, my sincerest condolences. I know internet hugs aren’t as good as the real thing but ((hugs)).
Post # 8
My father passed away just 3 weeks before a very important day for me 8 years ago. It’s heartbreaking. It’s a lot of emotions. Allow yourself time to heal and reflect on him and what you’ve shared. My belief is they are still there in spirt without a doubt.
Hugs & Strength to you
Post # 9
Aww, Amelia, I’m so sorry. 🙁 Losing a loved one is never easy, especially when they’re someone that you cared so much about.
Don’t beat yourself up over it. You had no way of knowing that he would pass so suddenly. I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to be upset with yourself. I know it’s probably not comforting but he will be there in spirit.
Post # 10
@AmeliaBedelia: First I want to say I am so so sorry for your great loss. You grandfather sounds like a wonderful man.
You gave him as much happiness as he gave you- never forget that. Even though he can’t be at your wedding, you brought him joy every day just by being a huge part of his life.
Im sorry you are feeling guilty, but hopefully with time that will pass. This is not your fault.
Sending you much love during this difficult time!
Post # 11
Amelia, I don’t have much advice that would be different that the PPs but just wanted to say I’m so sorry 🙁
Post # 12
I am sorry for your loss. Sending lots of hugs and strength your way.
Post # 13
I’m so sorry for your loss.
My grandfather passed 7.5 years ago and I am so jealous of my older cousins who were able to have him at their weddings. He loved throwing family parties. He loved it when we were all together. So weddings were his favorite things. I know on my wedding day I will miss him terribly.
Post # 14
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this. It makes me feel…a little less alone in this? I can’t really say it to my brothers (who are too young to get married) and I can’t really say it to Fiance as much (because his Gpa passed when we were still just dating 2 years ago) and honestly I didn’t really know if it was even normal. I did, but I didn’t. If that makes sense.
It honestly makes me really sad that so many of you “get” or understand this. It really does. I wish we could all have every single person we loved present for all of our special things but…as I’m learning, things don’t always go your way.
He really was the only man that was there for every piece of my life. From birth to now, he’s it. My brothers have been constant but they are younger than I am, so it’s different. He was there before, during, and after my parents’ divorce and he was always looking out for me. Always. I’m not sure how I’ll do it, but I’ll get through it, I suppose. That’s what I’m hearing at least.
Again, thank you bees. 🙂
Post # 15
@AmeliaBedelia: Amelia, my heart breaks for you.
Your Fiance will now take the role of stable, loving, forever-there-for-you male figure. I’m sure he is being a huge source of strength for you now…
You will keep your grandfather’s memory alive in your life always.
Post # 16
@AmeliaBedelia : I can completely relate to what you posted and I’m so sorry for your loss. The last time I went home, my dad had a talk with me that he thought my grandma “might not make it to my wedding day” (my date is your initial wedding date), in the sense that she hasn’t been doing well over the past year. It really upset me and made me feel really guilty for having a 2-year engagement. He also said that her one wish would be to be a great-grandmother, and I feel so bad because I am the first grandchild of hers to get married (although I’m not the oldest). I hope you can take comfort that he WILL be watching you on your wedding day and hopefully you can find a way to honor him on your day.
Your grandfather probably wouldn’t want you to feel bad that he couldn’t make it. He at least got to meet your future husband, and as you said, loved your Fiance, so that is pretty awesome that he knew you would be taken care of. He would still want you to have your special day, I’m sure.