Post # 1
I’ve posted before about how I didn’t have any friends in my group of friends who were waiting… and that the other girl in a long-term relationship was not that interested in marriage. Well I log onto Facebook tonight and surprise! E is engaged. Don’t even get me off on the tangent of announcing to close friends your engagement on Facebook.
I am happy for her but a little niggle in me is saying “Why not me? I wanted it more than you”. I hate feeling this way and really hope I get over it before seeing her at a BBQ this weekend. Any tips on working through these ugly feelings would be greatly appreciated.
BTW… ALL that has been on tonight is Michael Hill and Kim Kardashian advertising their massive ring competition and talking about engagement rings on United States of Tara. Eff this… I’m going to bed.
Post # 3
Awww I’m sorry waiting is really tough..
Just to comment though, my husband and I got engaged while we were out of the country. It was the best we could do to post it on facebook. I know it upset some of our close friends, but we really couldn’t call each one of them in order while we were on vacation.
Post # 4
Urgh! Isn’t that the worst?! I totally feel you on this one. One of my BFFs lives in Scotland and mentioned that when the time comes to get married, they’ll probably just go to the courthouse and she’ll switch the silver ring on her right hand to the left. I managed to get engaged before her but I kept thinking, “OMG, even S & J will beat us and if they do, I’m going to have a melt down!” Two days ago though, a former teammate of mine who I cannot stand got engaged. She’s two years younger than me and it was just this little jab like, “ooh, even K got their first!” I knew mine was coming but it was still frustrating. And yes, I found out because she posted a picture of her ring on her wall with no other information. Just a picture of a ring. Annoying.
Post # 5
Okay, I recognize this is a vent and it’s all sort of raw at the moment.
But you’ll realize after a few days that if the situations were reversed, you’d want her to be happy for you, not resentful of you, and if SHE were the one who was having a hard time waiting, as her friend, wouldn’t it pain you to know that something big and happy in your life was hurting her? I would bet that if she’s a close friend, she knows how you feel about waiting and perhaps she announced it on FB because she didn’t know another way to break it to you–that doesn’t mean it’s appropriate, but it also means that she didn’t do it just to hurt you.
Do you want your friend to feel like she can’t share this part of her life with you? If you really feel like it’s going to hurt too much, then you need to have a talk and tell her gently that you’re happy for her, but you need to distance yourself from it all. But otherwise, calm down and realize that people get engaged every day–them and her getting engaged has nothing to do with you.
Post # 6
@JennyW1: I do hope in a few days that I do feel differently… I think it came as a big shock to me and once I process it, I’ll be able to be genuinely happy for her. I keep my waiting as a secret from all my friends bar two… and she is not one of them, so I doubt that she suspects that I am anything less than ecstatic.
I appreciate what you mean about reversing the positions but this is precisely what I am finding difficult. If it had been a friend who was very eager and excited to get married then I would be rejoicing with her, as I do the rest of the waiting ladies, that her wait is over. I know it’s not a particularly logical way to feel and I’m not going to share it with anyone else apart from the bees. I certainly don’t think it will come to the point that I will need to distance myself from her… I am a high school drama teacher so I can “fake it til I make it” so to speak.
Post # 7
First off, I am so jealous of your job. I am a huge theatre geek and it would be absolutely amazing to teach it.
Secondly, I know how you feel SO’s sister got engaged less than 2 weeks after the biggest waiting let down I have had. I was very excited for her because she has had to kiss a lot of frogs to find her prince, but I was still very upset. About a week after her engagement we all went out for SO’s mom’s birthday. I am usually a loud and outgoing person but I was so quiet, I barely spoke the entire night. SO’s dad even said “Hey LetsGoPens, did you fall asleep over there, you are so quiet.” All I can say is try to ignore the evil waiting monster that pops up to put thoughts in your head, and I hope you have a great time at your BBQ.
Post # 8
I don’t think you’ll have a problem with your friend, as it’s not really her that you are upset with, and probably not even your SO, either. You are disappointed by being reminded that you haven’t been asked, with all the fun questions that brings up (had 6 couple get engaged this year, but we’ve been together the longest of ALL of them – blarg). I’m felt bad at first around my friends, because I was jealous… not necessarialy of them personally, but that they’d been “chosen” officially and I had not. The couple that had been dating the shortest amount of time, only 9-10 months, announced it in person, but I almost wish it’d been done on FB, so I wouldn’t have had what I’m sure was a shocked-less-than-happy forced smile on my face the rest of the night (I figured it was coming, but that they’d wait for the 1-year-mark, at least). A little time to prepare would have been preferential to me.
She’s still your friend, and a rock on her hand didn’t make her a new person, and nothing about her relationship with you has changed, so just do your best to treat her as you always have. I’m getting better at hanging out with the “engageds”, and at least feel I can talk about weddings with them, kinda as a proxy for the lack of one in my own life. I can try to enjoy myself through thier planning and happiness.
Having a happy friend should not take away from you. It’s not like those who are married or engaged have the ability to suck up all the ambient happiness in the world, hard as it may seem to believe at times (I’m having a hard time believing it, but like you said, “fake it till you make it” is the best you can do) and remember all the hurt you can avoid by being a good friend, even if you feel less than great yourself. You’ll get past the BBQ no probelm, I bet.:)
Post # 9
hmm maybe she was lying about not really wanting the ring? I think a lot of girls say they aren’t waiting and don’t mind the fact that they aren’t engaged, when they secretly want to be engaged! (I find it hard to talk about my upcoming proposal with other people because it feels weird and people ask how I know.) You can never tell how much a girl wanted it before hand.
No matter how much it hurts, you have to be happy for her and excited! It would hurt if it was the other way around and she wasn’t happy for you. Besides, now you get to see all her wedding planning first.
Post # 10
I really do know how you feel. In the last year a TON of engagements happened all around me. I felt like Good Luck Chuck….except all you had to do was be in close proximity to me and you would get a proposal!!
My best friend got engaged, then my roomie, THREE of my cousins, another friend of mine, TWO other of my best friends got engaged within weeks of each other, then I moved….my NEW roomie got engaged after living with me for 5 months and moved out, then another cousin…my SO’s good friend got engaged a few months ago, his sister got married in June and his brother is getting married Jan 1, 2011. Nine of those people have actually already gotten married within the last few months. The others will be getting married in 2011. (Oh and a co-worker of mine got married 3 weeks ago!!)
I have literally been surrounded by weddings and people getting engaged…a lot of them being family and very very close friends (I was actually a part of 5 of those weddings…and singing in one in March) –I have had my moments when I was just frustrated to the limit felt left out and honestly having my SO and knowing how WONDERFUL he is and the relationship we have even though we arent engaged yet helps me get through it.
Post # 11
@mispriss1215: Wow, you have ovaries of steel. And I thought the 3 weddings and 4 engagements around me in the last 4 months was bad. I bow to you for not having a “Linda Blair” moment with all of that, lol.
Post # 12
I feel you. I was just saying to myself that I was pretty sure BF and I would be next when just this weekend another couple in the group announced their engagement, and it was a surprise to all. And in just the past year or 2 I have seen at least 10 couples get engaged, if not more, and these are ppl close-ish to us. I know it sounds horrible, but I think one of his cousins is going to get engaged soon and they have been dating less than us. It wouldn’t bother me so much but he has a small family and I feel like our wedding won’t be as exciting if there are several going on at once. I just really want him to do it soon–I can’t take too many more proposals before mine, honestly. I know we should be happy for them, and I truly am happy any time I hear the good news for others, but it is natural for us to feel this way, too, as much as it sucks. I love my BF to death but it sucks dating a boy who is waiting this long to do it–how come this has to happen??!
Post # 13
off topic – how annoying is all the buzz about the Michael Hill 22ct ring competition? I considered entering us but there would be like 0% chance of winning! But it is so frustrating as it means engagement rings are everywhere now
Post # 14
Yikes… it’s been all on like donkey kong in the Scribbles household since I first posted this thread. One of those dam bursts that leads to clearer waters in the end. And I’m left feeling a little bit stunned.
Things came to a head last night – SO was saying that there were a couple of things holding him back from proposing at this point and I knew what one of them was but not the other. I know that he is wanting me to get fitter before we get married – as he said, if he’s marrying me til death do us part, he wants to make sure it’s a long time before the death part happens. This completely fits in with my own fitness goals that I’m taking strides towards.
The other thing? At this stage, he’s not sure that his parents would attend our wedding. Apparently the last three times he’s gone around to visit them (when I’ve been working late, he wants dinner etc) it’s been horrible. They don’t like the fact he left watching a car race at his brother’s to go for a walk with me. They think that I’m controlling and ungrateful with nothing more to go on than a couple of misunderstandings that happened LAST year and some of the stuff that SO’s single brother has been saying (possible jealousy?). My poor SO has been stressing out to the max, not wanting to tell me because he knows that it upsets me… so he’s been trying to defend me on his own.
He wants us both to go and talk to his parents this weekend and try and get this solved so that he feels happy to move forward. I never thought that I would have THOSE in-laws… but if this conversation has to take place with them so that we can move forward in our commitment, that’s what has to happen. And I would do anything to make my SO happy.
Post # 15
When I was waiting for FH to propose I was going nuts because I SWEAR that everywhere we looked somebody was getting engaged. Whether it was somebody we knew or just a TV show… I was actually jealous of TV shows!!! Now all I see are weddings…