Ideal age gap between children

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We’re hoping for about 18-24 months between each child. Me and my brother were 4 years apart and we both wished we were a lot closer in age as we never went to high school together, etc. Whereas DH’s four siblings are 1.5 years apart and it seems to work great in their family. 

Post # 3
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My aunt and uncle’s kids are each 2 years apart, as well as my niece and nephew. That’s what DH and I will try for. I want my kids to be close so that we can get out of the baby stage sooner and they’ll go to college within a few years of each other. I think their relationship will be closer if they are closer in age too.

ETA: All of my siblings are 3 years apart and it’s fine, but I want it closer.

Post # 4
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

ChocolateLime:  My brother is 2 years and 51 weeks younger than me! (Yep, it’s really annoying that his birthday is exactly one week before mine).

I love my brother so much and our age gap is lovely, we get to talk to each other about loads of things – he’s really mature for his age. But sometimes I wish we were a little closer in age, so we could experience more stuff together.

My FI is 5 years younger than his brother, and his sister is 2 years older than FBIL – so 7 years older than FI!

FI has said that FSIL played with him as a baby/toddler more, because she was at the age that she wanted to play with dolly/babies, but had a baby brother instead!

I think if/when FI have children, I’d suggest them being closer in age.

My mum and uncle are only 9-10 months apart and they have a great relationship.

Post # 5
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I personally think 2-3 years is ideal.  The age gaps were much bigger in my family (my oldest brother is 12 years older, middle brother is 4 years older), and we’ve grown closer as adults but weren’t very close growing up.  I have nephews who are just under 2 years apart, and they’re just the best of friends – they do everything together, it’s adorable.  I’ve read that it’s ideal for the mother to wait 2 years before getting pregnant again, as that is how much time it takes to fully heal and rebuild the nutrients you lost during your last pregnancy.  I’m currently pregnant with our first, so we’ll see – we know we want two, but we’ll probably wait until our baby is 1 to even start talking about when we’ll TTC again.  I’m betting we’ll try around when our baby turns 2, though.

Post # 6
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’ve read that 18-24 months is ideal. I know that my sister was born when I was 3, almost 4, and I had major jealousy. I was too used to being the only child. We didn’t get along until I was in my early 20s!

Post # 8
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ChocolateLime:  2-3 years. Close together is good for the kids’ friendship, and also good for the parents because you overlap the very busy (and for me SAHM) preschool years. Add to the fact that I breast fed until 11 months, and the miniumum gap for me would have been 20 months, but as it turned out it was about 2 1/2 years between each of my 3 kids.

Post # 9
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

2-3 years would be the ideal age gap for me.

 

Post # 10
Member
4596 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think 2 years is a greta age difference. We haven’t really discussed the number of kids we want, but would work on the one first and go from there.

My sister and I are 3 years apart, and that was good for us. My FI is the middle child, and his older brother is 2 years older than him, and his younger sister is 2 years younger than him.

Post # 11
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Meh, I think you need to do what works best for your family and your sanity and that there is no “ideal” I think the argument that the closer in age they are the closer they will be growing up is crap, ive seen it happen but I have also seen sibling close in age fight like cats and dogs throughout childhood and still, well into adulthood. My sister and I are four years apart and are super close, growing up was great because I never felt like I was in her shadow, we had our own groups of friends and my parents got to enjoy one on one time with each of us.

That being said, I have a 19 month old and have zero desire to have another or even try for another until he is at least two and half, but that is me, what works for our work schedules, finances and sanity.

Post # 12
Member
2517 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

ChocolateLime:  My parents spaced us out about 2.5-3 years apart

My brother is 31, sister 29, me 26, other brother 23<br />I loved it I grew up really close with my sister ( aside from middle school years lol) and also I am very close with my youngest brother. Now that we are older my older brother and I are much closer too ( 5 years apart makes a different when its middle school vs senior in hs!!)

As a bunch we all get along really really well and always have a good time. I don’t know how my parents did it growing up but I am so happy I really love my family!! I would love to do the same with my kids but I don’t think I can afford 4 kids lol

 

 

Post # 13
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

I would loove to have about 5 years between them. I’d want to be done with the baby stage. 

Post # 14
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

ChocolateLime:  I think 2-3 years is good…anything more and when youd o the math… by the time the baby is big enough the other one to play with they will be in school with friends and doing sports etc….My mentality is they wont want to be playing with what they see as “baby toys” with a 2 year old when they are like 6 and in grade 1 (when they could be out riding a bike etc…. ) know what I mean?

Im personally an only child but I grew up with several cousins very close as if they were siblings, and the thing is… there was a few that were older then me and I did get left out of a lot of stuff until I hit a certain age….as well as my younger cousins ….I did the same to them lol…. “sorry your too small you cant come/play”. As we got OLDER especially late teenagers it was diff… but I guess it depends on what kind of dynamic you want with the kids….. if you want a playmate for the first then 2-3 years MAX…. otherwise they probably wont be as close as you’d like until they are older, if you just want another child and it doesnt really matter to you about the playmate thing then the world is your oyster (I say this because the former reason seems to be a typical answer parents give when they talk about why they want another). Everyone has a different experience, but in just doing the math and figuring out what age and school grade the first will be in by the time the youngest is able to actually do stuff with it just makes logical sense to me.

Post # 15
Member
7084 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

For me personally, I think 3-4 years. Daycare costs are crazy so I think it would be easier financially to have one at least close to going into 4k or kindergarten. Plus they’d be out of diapers by then. And then when they’re older, we’d have time between getting each of them a car when they turn 16, helping out with college, etc.

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