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Are these guys your non-RSVPers? Maybe just pray they don't show? ;-) Okay, that was not very helpful.
Do you have a wedding coordinator who will be staying through the party? You could ask him/her to keep an eye on them after dinner (once his/her other responsibilities are a little lighter) and make sure they don't break anything. It seems that if you ask a mutual friend, the mutual friend might not be able to relax and have a good time. The man-children might also not see the mutual friend as an authority figure so might brush them off. Maybe a coordinator (or an older uncle or something) would seem more authoritative (?)
For your sake, I hope they have fun but behave. You can always toss them into Long Island Sound ;-)
i definitely think if someone is so drunk they can't walk, they should be cut off. that's a matter of safety- not rudeness.
LOL YES these are the non-RSVPers! Of course.
The problem with putting a coordinator on it is that if they DO decide that they want to go off and smoke a joint or something, I don't want the person to narc on them or go yell at them or whatever. I honestly don't care if they want to go smoke. They've done it at every wedding we've all been to and whatever - I don't care as long as they aren't blowing pot smoke in my grandma's face, you know? Honestly I'd prefer they smoke more than they drink! More giggling, less destruction.
Maybe I can make a deal with my friend whose wedding is in october that if she keeps an eye out for me, I'll do it for her when the time comes.
Also, they may just be no-shows after saying yes they are coming. Sigh. I love them to death but they are MORONS.
@Ms. Meowerson: no no they can always walk and don't drink to the point of actually hurting themselves (except obviously their livers and their heads the next morning). they just get rowdy. one of them ate the sunflowers out of the centerpieces at our friend's wedding last summer - that type of ridiculous stuff. to be fair, my response to that was to laugh and take pictures and then laugh more looking at the pictures later.
my hubs has SEVERAL "man-child" friends. these were the guys that 1) didnt RSVP 2) showed up with extra people that we did not know and were not invited 3) got super wasted 4) changed out of their "cocktail attire" and into tshirts and baseball caps about 30 minutes into the reception and 4)basically made huge asses of themselves.
what can you do? nothing. just have another cocktail youself. i was complete unaware of all the shenanigans until the nexy day. the didnt injure themselve or others, so no harm was done (except to their reputations that is). however, the post wedding stories and pictures about these guys made for great recaps.
I feel like you are putting yourself in a tough position. You don't want your stuff to get broken/costing you money (which you seem to think will happen if he gets completely trashed)....yet you don't want to cut him off at the bar. You could assign a friend to watch over him, but to me that's the same as cutting him off....
Our liquor laws might be stricter in Canada, but all bartenders have to take a course on over-serving, and would probably cut somebody off if they noticed them getting rowdy/highly intoxicated.
Open Bar just means they don't have to pay for their drinks. It does not mean the bartenders can't stop someone from self-inducing alcohol poisoning. I am guessing they might even be liable for that kind of thing.
I'm sure your bartender service/venue will cut them off if they get too drunk/obnoxious without you having to tell them.
Not to change the subject, but I was 'cut off' at a wedding once, although it was a total joke. After my 5th vodka soda I was sober as a church mouse and realized they were totally watering down teh drinks. So I decided to order a bottled beer at the bar, at which point the bartender said DH and I should 'take it easy'. Um, hello - it's 10:00pm and I've been drinking since 6:00 without so much as the slightest buzz. I think they were just mad we were finally costing them money instead of just drinking the tapwater they were labeling as vodka.
Honestly i didn't ask to have anyone cut off at my wedding, but the caterer was so amazing, he asked us about everything. Of course, my SIL immediately brought her 2 year old daugter to sit at the head table even though I intentionally sat her elsewhere (grrr) and he rushed over to ask if he wanted us to move her. It was nice, but we decliend. Later on in the night people were getting wasted at the after party and again we were asked if we wanted to cut them off. We declined since honestly if you can't get drunk at a wedding taking place in a hotel where you're spending teh night, when can you?? We weren't bothered by it.
Hmmm. I've never in my life seen or heard of someone getting cut off by a bartender at a wedding and I've seen some DRUNK people at weddings. Maybe they are stricter in Canada.
I feel like it may annoy me more because I'm not really going to be able to drink much until much later in the reception because, you know, drunk brides are trashy. So if I'm having to be remotely sober and they are all wasted I'm going to want to smack them as opposed to finding it amusing in some way (which I usually do).
@moderndaisy: i can't believe they cut you guys off like that. that would have ticked me off something fierce! that makes me want to institute a "no cutting off without explicit approval from someone paying for the wedding" policy.
@Kittyachi: I think they hold venues/bartenders to more liability. The venue can be held responsible if someone over drinks to the point that they are seriously sick, and there's also some stuff going on in the courts that the venue/pub/bar/restaurant can be held responsible if someone drinks at their establishment and then causes an accident by drunk driving.
i think you should let them be wild and fun, and if they cross any lines that are completely unacceptable, they get kicked out and told to go home. simple as that. eating flowers is one thing, destroying stuff is another.
I feel like if you don't want the bartender to cut them off then there really isn't anything you can do. It's a shame adults don't know how to act like adults. I wouldn't ask a friend to keep an eye on them though. I mean what if they were watching them then they went to the bathroom and something happened while they were gone? Everybody's going to be like, "Why weren't you watching?!" Plus it puts a lot of pressure on your friend. I would inform the venue staff/DOC if you have one to keep an eye since that's their job. If they get too crazy, they get kicked out. Good luck!
I think you should bring this up to them when they are sober. Tell them you are honestly concerned about their behavior when they party. Say you want them to have a good time but you don’t want to worry about them or have to put someone else in charge of watching them. If they don’t respect that then pretty much let it go. Im sure the venue staff will tell them to leave it if gets out of hand and I would seriously invoice them for anything thats broken.
I'm not sure what the difference is between having your mutual friends "watch" them, or having the bartender cut them off. In one of those situations, it's the person's job to pay attention to someone's alcohol intake, so I'd much rather leave it up to that person. And honestly, i think there isn't much to worry about. If these people want to find a way to drink, they will. You'll likely be enjoying your wedding too much to even notice them
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OK so while most of my friends are relatively well-behaved - we all like to party, don't get me wrong, but we realize there is a time and a place for certain types of behavior - I have two man-child friends almost 30 who simply do not get it.
FI and I were out at a bar to meet up with some of my friends for a going-away party and one of the two offending man-children was there talking both to me and to my friend whose wedding is in October about how f*ucked up drunk and high he and other man-child are going to be all weekend and how they are going to sleep in their cars and how they aren't responsible for their behavior and whatever. My friend, whose a bit more tightly-wound than I am, is freaking out. I basically said, Look a**hole, don't break my s**t, don't break s**t that we're renting, and I don't care what you do otherwise. Sleep in your car like a transient, smoke all the weed you want outside the reception - I honestly don't give a s**t. I just don't want this fool costing me money. I find him amusing when he is wasted, as long as he isn't breaking stuff. My friend, on the other hand, is much more concerned.
I know some of you will suggest I "have the bartender cut them off at a certain point" but, sorry, no. Open bar is open bar - they can drink what they want. I personally think it's not OK up to cut someone off unless they are an alcoholic who isn't supposed to drink anything, people can make their own choices regarding alcohol (and nobody is driving). But should I maybe put a mutual friend in charge of "watching" them? I'm not having someone babysit them because that is just lame, but how do I handle it if they are getting rowdy?