Weddingbee boards

Here's the deal. I have a friend, who is also going to be a BM, in my upcoming wedding. I paid for her BM dress, which I don't have a problem with, but was not cheap, and I had to pay $20 extra for it because she needed the next size up. This was back in July, by the way. She told me at the time that she would pay me "soon" and I told her that was fine, just whenever she could, as neither one of us was expecting it to cost an extra $20 and that's really not that much money to worry about it a whole lot. Well, long story short, I asked her about it in mid-Aug, and she said that they had been having all sorts of car problems, etc that had happened unexpectedly, and had to spend several hundred dollars to fix it. She once again told me that she hadn't forgot, but they didn't really have the money right then. I said ok that's fine, and she once again reassured me that she would pay me as soon as she could. Fast forward to right now, mid-November, and still not a word about the $20 bucks. I have not mentioned it again, because I don't want to make her uncomfortable, especially since she will be in my wedding in just a couple of weeks, but I feel that I was very generous in buying her that dress, as she didn't have the money to get it herself, and I would just like some courtesy. Sometimes I feel that I go out of my way to be nice to peole and I get crapped on in return. Please don't get me wrong. I am not going to starve without the $20. This is not a money issue. It is a friendship/courtesy & respect issue and I don't feel like I am getting that from her. We are not BEST friends, we met at my old job and were pretty close until I got a new job. I think she might actually resent me for moving on, but still... I feel very slighted. What should I do?

Once again, it's not about the money (why do I feel as if I'm being criticized here?). Oh, and btw I did not ask her to pay me $20 because she needed a larger dress. I wasn't even going to mention it, and it surprised me when she offered to. I thought that was very nice of her to offer.

I won't go into details, but there have been other things about  the way she has acted towards me (after I moved on from working with her that is) that I have questioned, even before now, and so I'm wondering if there's more to it than simply being broke or forgetting about it. I asked her to be a BM because I still consider her a friend, and we really enjoyed working together all that time. I had told her a long time ago, when we worked together and I was "waiting", that whenever I got married, I would like her to be a BM and she acted happy and said OK.

I guess what it all boils down to is that I feel I put more effort into the friendship than she does, and I don't like one-sided relationships.

I agree with the others. At this point, just let it go and don't expect the get the money back anytime soon. I wouldn't have even asked for the extra $20 anyway, since it was what her dress costs, and you agreed to buy the dress for her. I know it's the principle of it, but for an amount so little, with a girl who obviously is having a tough time financially right now, it's best to forgive and forget.

To put things in perspective: We bought our groomsmen's suits for them, with an agreement that they would pay us back for them (we all live in different states, so we agreed we would buy them after consulting on style and price, and they would pay us back within a couple months). Two never paid us back, and we were out several hundred bucks because we stupidly held out hope that they would turn back into the trusted friends we thought they were, and we waited too long - long past the return policy for the store. Now THAT is called being a jilted bride and groom :) Needless to say, they were not in our wedding in the end ... for a variety of reasons. $20 is nothin'.

Yes, I paid for the BM dresses, just as I had planned to from the start.

I know I am not a cheap person, so "looking cheap" is not a concern of mine. I am not planning to ask her for it again.

Once again, it's more about the friendship than the money, and how it sucks to feel taken advantage of whether it's a little or alot. 

Thank you to those of you who seem to get it :)

@Daisybride - I can see how the Title of my post would be confusing, b/c I did mention the money part of it, when in fact that is not the real issue.

Thanks again for all the advice :)

I definately am not going to mention it to her again.

As far as the friendship goes, I am assuming that if it truly is suffering in some way, it will probably fizzle out after the wedding like a previous poster stated.. which really sucks, because I honestly have no idea why it would. I guess it makes sense that having/making a friend in a workplace might not really hold up if one of the people gets a different job. Especially if the one left behind in the old job still hates it.

@ Kittyachi - You asked about details and why I feel the way I do. It's ok to ask lol.

I'll give you an example: After I left the job, we would talk on the phone regularly (being friends and all), and she would say things like "when I told ----- (my old bosses) I was going to be your bridesmaid, they seemed really surprised."  She also said things like "------ said 'oh I didn't realize you still talk to her'" and things like that.. which got me to thinking WHY would they say that? I mean, it was a very small office we worked in and it's not like we were SECRET friends. Everyone knew we were friends, and we talked all the time. It just didn't make sense, and almost seemed like she was leaving a piece out of the puzzle. The only reason someone would question her being a bridesmaid or talking to me at all, was if they for some reason thought she didn't really like me. SEE where I'm going with this?  And when I would ask her "I wonder why they would say THAT?" She would just say "I don't know, they're weird" or something like it and dismiss the topic.

Secondly, she would go a long time without calling me, but she has gotten 2 raises since I left the old job (she has my old duties now) and she called me BOTH times, to tell me she got a raise. OK, NOT calling me any other time, but the minute she gets a raise she calls. I am definately not jealous of the raises. I am VERY happy for her that they are treating her well, as it is a stressful job with a multitude of duties. I have congratulated her both times and meant it each time.

NOTE: I will take a moment to tell you all right now that I am at a much better and much less stressful job now than I was when we worked together. BUT, due to the fact that she is STILL there, I have NOT bragged to her about this or even gone into much detail about it. I do not believe in rubbing things in people's faces. I am a very conscientious person and do not feel the need to show off. Therefore, any bitterness that she may (or may not) have towards me is NOT of my doing. This I know for a fact.

Another example, sometimes when I would call (because she didn't really call me unless she got a raise), she would call me back and just sound really blah, like she would much rather be doing something else than talking to me.. She has started to warm up a bit recently, but I honestly think that is just because she is a BM and the wedding is coming up.

Anyways, this post is VERY long, but I decided to go ahead and give details about the friendship so everyone would know what I was talking about. I don't know who will agree and who will just think I'm being overly-sensitive or paranoid, but I'm telling you, it's not the same as it was....

Makes me sad :(