(Closed) If FMIL is not paying does she get extra invites to give to her friends?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

no, it isn’t rude.

Post # 4
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee

@skippydarling:  No, it is not rude and you do not need to invite her friends.

Post # 5
Member
5833 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@skippydarling:  No, not at all.

My parents are paying for ours. It so happens that we are inviting some of their friends, because we consider them to be friends of ours, too. But they did not demand invitations.

FI’s mum is not contributing and we will not be giving her invitations. Ours is a small affair with a limited guest list, and we want to invite people we want there, not people we don’t know. We both felt very strongly about that.

So, if you have space, by all means invite a couple of her friends; or, do a B list and put them on it. But do NOT feel obligated. Even if she were contributing that does not IMPO give her the right to dictate who you invite.

Post # 6
Member
7090 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

No it’s not rude. I don’t know if I would even offer invitations to her at all if I didn’t know them so I think you are being rather accomodating.

Post # 7
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee

@skippydarling:  Personally, I would extend the offer to include 4 friends. It’s a small number of people.  

This day is an important one to her as well. She’s no doubt proud of her son, and to be gaining a daughter.  I know that we’ve invited 4 people I’ve never met at my mother’s request, and there’s another couple of people my FMIL asked if we could include (FI has met them a few times, but not me).

Other than us, there is no one else as excited for our wedding as our moms.  It just feels like a generous offer to extend, one that has everything to do with them being family, and nothing to do with if/how much they are contributing financially.

Post # 9
Member
11287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@skippydarling:  when you are having a small wedding, you need to be selective of who you invite.  you don’t even know your fmil’s friends so i don’t think it’s rude at all.  if fmil was contributing, then she would have a say.

Post # 10
Member
8513 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s considered a nice gesture if possible.  And it has  nothing to do with who pays. 

Post # 12
Member
9174 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@skippydarling:  I agree with weddingmaven.  If you can at all swing it, it’s really nice to include best friends of the parents.  Not so much a “you forked out X amount of money so you get X invites”, but more like “your son is celebrating one of the most important events of his life and you want to celebrate that with your best friends and we want you to be happy” … 

If it’s not in the budget or it really would ruin your vision, so be it.  But in general, my policy was to try to keep everyone as happy if possible, with the knowledge that it would create the happiest event possible. 

On your wedding day, you’ll be so blissfully happy that you won’t notice 4 strangers, and your FILs will be super happy that you were accomodating and inclusive.

Post # 13
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee

@skippydarling:  Because she is about to become family.  If she was asking for 20, or even 10 invitations, that might be different.  But she is asking for 4 friends to see HER son get married and celebrate with her.  It should have nothing to do with $$$.  This is especially true if some of YOUR parents friends will be in attendance.  

Post # 14
Member
2877 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@SeaSalt:  i agree with this

i think regardless of who pays, parents should get a certain number of invites for friends as a nice gesture

Post # 15
Member
8513 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@skippydarling:   I can’t imagine putting  a price tag  on all the years, sacrifice, and love that most parents give to the best of their ability.  A wedding of a child is a milestone for parents, too.  If it means a great deal to them to have their nearest and dearest friends there with them to share their joy and pride, and it’s possible to accommodate, I think it’s a reasonable request.

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