Post # 1
As I know is true with many waiting bees here, my boyfriend has told me he really wants it to be a total surprise when he proposes, but he has also mentioned wanting to talk to my dad about it… The thing is… I really can’t imagine in a MILLION years that my dad would be able to not immediately tell me if my boyfriend talked to him.
So bees, tell me! If your SO talked to your dad (or parents) before proposing, did you find out? Or was everyone able to keep the big secret????
Post # 3
@laughs: I can’t vote as not yet engaged. I know my SO will ask my parents but I honestly don’t know if they would tell me / let it slip/ keep stchum. I have always wondered this though. I know that when the time comes if SO tells my sis anything she will struggle to keep it from me but think she will manage it as will want me to be suprised. Only time will tell!
Post # 4
@laughs: I’ve always hated this custom. I am not a piece of property that my dad is passing along from his care to my FI’s. The only permission my FI needed was mine. I’m close with my parents but they have no say over who I marry. So, no, FI didn’t ask and I would have been annoyed if he did.
Post # 5
DH asked for my parents blessing (not permission) but I didn’t find out about it until after he had proposed. Granted, he also asked then only a few hours before he proposed so there wasn’t much time for anyone to spill the beans. But I know my parents would have kept it a secret if there had been a longer period of time between the two.
Post # 6
@laughs: Yes, I knew exactly when he did it! At the time, he didn’t have his car yet so he couldn’t just drive over to my parent’s house on his own to do it. Fortunately he found private time with my dad when they went together to pick up some food. But then it turned into a public discussion because my dad was kinda tipsy and prompted my SO to bring it up in front of my mom too when we were all having dessert. My dad said he never had to ask for permission and I don’t think he understood why my SO even did but all is good. 🙂
Post # 7
my mom knew pretty much from the beginning, he didn’t ask my dad permission until like 45mins before he proposed! he had a hard time getting together with my dad to ask him in person but he knew he’d say yes so he went ahead with planning. of course my dad said yes 🙂
Post # 8
He didn’t ask for permission, but he did tell them that he bought me a ring, and they actually kept it a secret. I didn’t think my mom could do it.
Post # 9
My FI asked my mother’s permission (among other people), which was really important to me. He told her (last September) that it was going to be “before the end of the year.” He proposed a week later, haha.
During that week, we went on a week-long cruise with no phone/internet access. I had zero contact with anyone – which I’m sure was a big relief for FI!
Anyway, he proposed to me immediatley after we got back, and I wanted to tell my mom in person, so I waited.
She called me in the meantime to ask how I was (I didn’t tell her over the phone) and said to me “OK, Have a wonderful day with your amazing boyfriend, [FI’s name]!”
I still tease her about that one.
Good thing I was staring at the ring when she said that – because if I didn’t know then I sure as heck knew after she said it. Because who says that?! Haha, she’s so cute.
Post # 10
He told me he called them to tell them he was proposing. Neither of them answered the phone, so meh. I would have been rather upset if he had called to ask for permission — I am a woman, I am not cattle to be bartered and sold. My father would have laughed at him anyway and told him that I was the one he should be asking, not him.
Post # 11
FI called my parents and asked them either the day before or day of the proposal. He also called his own parents to give them a heads-up. He let me know these things AFTER he proposed so I wouldn’t be surprised when I called my parents to tell them and they already knew. By that point we had been together about 6 years, so it’s not like our parents were against the match or surprised by the proposal.
EDIT: I’m not thrilled by the historic reason for the practice, but I’m glad he called my parents and ran it past them because it made THEM happy. I honestly didn’t think he would contact them at all before the proposal.
Post # 12
After SO and I had been together for 4 years or so, my father took it upon himself to talk to SO about marriage ( my dad is a little bit crazy ). He really likes SO, but wanted him to know that as a Christian, I should not marry him ( SO is agnostic ), and we could never marry in a church.
Knowing that, and knowing my SO, I doubt very much that he is asking anyone’s permission now that he is actually planning on proposing. Everyone will still be thrilled and accepting despite the religious difference; my SO and my dad have a good relationship, so it’s not a huge issue. Ultimately, my parents are very happy with the way SO treats me, so the religion issue is on the back burner. I just know there will be no “official permission.”
Post # 13
@laughs: My FI talked to my dad almost a month before he popped the question. My sister went with him and took pictures – but nobody let it slip. I had no idea anything was up till he pulled out the ring…
Post # 14
He asked my dad and then my dad called my mom to tell her and I was sitting right there and from the conversation I was sure they were talking about FI asking dad. Well when they got off the phone I asked my mom what was going on and she spun this totally bs story about somehting going on at work and for some reason I totally bought it lol. I think its because I can usuually tell when she is lying because she is bad at it and this time she did really well haha.
Post # 15
I never knew for sure that FI had asked my parents, but when my mom started acting a little funny (i.e. asking about him more, etc.) I suspected that he might have.
Post # 16
I was still living with my parents when he proposed. He came over 2 days before he popped the question and had a talk with my mom and my dad AND showed them the ring without me having any idea. No one told me a thing. My parents didn’t even tell my sisters. They are absolute vaults.