(Closed) If he doesn’t propose on vacation after years of dating…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Personally I don’t think it’s fair to give an ultimatum to a guy you *know* you want to marry. Yes it sucks, but if he’s the ONE, why go through the hassle of having to find another one all over again? If you truly love him you won’t let something like his timing get in the way of the fact you’re meant to be together. If he knows, then he knows. If he doesn’t want to marry you, then you better find that out! But if he does want to marry you, and you do want to marry him, then just let things happen. Your engagement will be much more special if you don’t put a gun to his head. I pretty much did that to my fiance when I knew he had the ring, and bugged him about it… I sometimes feel like I ruined my own engagement story because he felt pressured to do it.

Post # 5
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I dont think ultimatums are ever the right thing to do. I think when you give an ultimatum it puts a lot of pressure on your boyfriend and creates tension.

How old are you guys and how long have you been dating? Have you discussed marriage throughout your relationship?

I dont think you should break up with him at this point unless you really dont think the relationship is going anywhere. If its just an issue of timing, I think patience is a virtue.

Post # 6
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

So, if you SO doesn’t propose this weekend you are walking?

Post # 7
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

well, as he has already said he won’t be proposing on this trip, was it wise to say that you’re leaving if he doesn’t? granted it was when you booked the trip, so it is possible he has changed his mind or he was just trying to throw you off, but i wouldn’t count on it.

are you really and truly ready to leave this relationship if this is THE man you want to marry? i know we all get frustrated sometimes, but i get the feeling you don’t really want to leave. either way i think you will be unhappy with the outcome. either a) he will propose, and you will feel like he didnt want to and was forced into it, and he’ll feel that way too, but he just didnt want to lose you OR b) he won’t propose and you won’t leave and he’ll see that you don’t stick to your ultamatims, making it hard for him to take you seriously about it in the future.

i hope things work out for the best, but i feel like you’ve lodged yourself between a rock and a hard place. if you would really leave, then  it sounds like he isn’t really the man for you after all

Post # 10
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Did you guys ever discuss a timeline or marriage in general? Are you living together right now? If it doesnt happen on this vacation I would just have an honest conversation with him.

Post # 11
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Maybe he wants to propose when you aren’t expecting it or planning it on your own so its the perfect moment for you both, instead of just reenacting your fantasies? Hang in there, its tought but if you know its him, it will happen on his timing. You don’t want to give someone an ultimatum, they need to come to their decision on their own time if you want a successful marriage instead of being forced into it.

Post # 14
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would just calm down and breathe. It WILL happen. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@Lesric: My FI got pissed because I was nagging him the week of the proposal about how upset I was that I didn’t think it was going to happen when I wanted it to. He ended up proposing anyhow even though I ruined the surprise but I truly regret not just letting him do his thing. I feel like a big giant goober.

I would say just leave it alone. You both seem to be on the same path. He probably has something planned. It may not be for this weekend but what if he has something even better in store? He has already told you it wont be this weekend so either he is trying to throw you off OR he has something else in mind. If you get upset that he doesn’t do it this weekend it may hurt his feelings or ruin his plans.

Just keep in mind he loves you and try to go with the flow.

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