(Closed) If he gets to decide when we get engaged, then I get to decide…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Personally I don’t think it should be up to one person weither or not your engaged, I know thats a very unromantic opinion but it should be something that people decide together, that being said I also think kids should be a mutual conversation with the woman having the final say ofcourse since you will be the one who is actually going though pregnancy.

Post # 4
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

not really…

Post # 5
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Don’t take this the wrong way… but that sounds like a terrible idea….:( Maybe it is just me but i don’t think anyone should pressure anyone in to haveing children, male or female.   If it happens it happens, but “Pressure? Kinda sounds like entrapment…. Sorry…..

It should be an equal desision…for both the marrage and children

Post # 6
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with this logic! LOL…

Post # 7
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I REALLY want kids. It has only hit me in the past month or so, but I dream about babies every night! My Fiance on the other hand wants to wait at least 5 years. I totally see where your coming from, but I still think pressuring him might be a bad idea. You’ll most likely end somewhere in the middle! πŸ™‚ 

Post # 8
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t really agree with this one, babies must be a mutual decision.  I currently have a friend in this position and he’s none to happy about becoming a father already, even though they have been married for 2 years, he was not ready.

 But for me, if he decides when to get engaged then I get to DECIDE the wedding date and do all the planning. Haha, he told me that I can have anything I want for the wedding (within budget/reason of course)! 

Post # 9
14347 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@shinythingsrule:The longer he takes to propose, the shorter the time will be before I “pressure” him to have kids after getting married

I agree!  The ticking clock doesnt wait just cause he wants to wait to get married.  If you (both) want kids by a certain age, then naturally, the longer he takes to propose and get married, the shorter the marriage time before having kids will be!

Post # 10
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I agree with the logic although in reality there def will be more discussion about when to actually TTC but I think you already know that πŸ˜€

So, I’d comfortably say I GET WEDDING DECISIONS!!!

Post # 11
140 posts
Blushing bee

Yeah, I get the wanting babies part. They’re pretty awesome πŸ™‚

But seeing as you can make em without his help, I would find a nicer way of phrasing this “compromise” to him. People don’t like feeling pressured into making life-long decisions and you are using a baby-deadline to get a prompt proposal. I can understand your frustration, but do you see how this might be taken the wrong way by your SO?

There’s a lot to be said for “letting the cards fall as they may” so to speak…

So relax, dont give him any crazy deadlines and everything will probably work out pretty close to what you wanted anyway πŸ™‚

ps- we have the same birthday!

Post # 12
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I personally struggle with the idea that he gets to decide when we get engaged. It may be the control freak in me, but decisions like this are huge and should be discussed together.


Post # 13
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

I get what you’re saying, though I will admit it wasn’t worded as smoothly as it could have been πŸ™‚ The mister and I both want kids and I wanted to wait at least 2 years after getting married to start trying but that was before I turned 30. Now that I’m 30 and would like to have kids before I’m 35, the timeline has gotten a bit tighter, especially since I’ll be 31 by the time we get married if we marry next year!

Post # 14
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Whoa! Not what I expected… Having a kid isn’t the same as buying a new vacuum, you’re kinda stuck with it for… 18 years (that sounded bad, but if you’re not ready I bet it feels like you’re “stuck” with a little dependant baby that you love like nuts).

I think this one one of this “we” issues. Maybe you can pick… wedding colors?

Post # 15
335 posts
Helper bee

i get the feeling that the responses to OP are taking this more seriously than OP might have meant them to…

anyways, i would say it is perfectly legitimate of you to feel like you want kids soon, and if an engagment is farther off, then that means you would likely want kids sooner by the time you are actually married. however, your man may not understand that. just make sure he knows what age you’d like to be TTC around, and see what he says. he might decide to move up engagment, if he feels like he wants more married time alone without babies on the mind. XD

Post # 16
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@shinythingsrule:  I LOVE IT!!! HAHA!! 


I totally agree with you.  I am not married yet bu I am in agony waiting for my ring.  In our relationship I pretty much make all of the decisions.. but when it comes to the BIG stuff he decided like buying a house, getting engaged, getting married…  I guess you could place kids in the BIG decision category but after all.. babies are little πŸ™‚  so it should me my choice instead πŸ˜›



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