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They didnt get married, but I've seen pics of he and his ex together- we got rid of those! And he's seen mine too - we ALSO got rid of those. It's just nicer to have them gone - the less reminders there are, the less you remember that that *other* person even existed. But I would definitely want to see pics of his wedding, had he had one - like you, I would hate to have similar stylistic elements. But also like you, I don't think I would anyway, as she and I are very different personalities and tastes. Also though, I think if I was chosing something, he'd let me know if it was a no-go for that reason.
My FI and I actually looked at the pics of his first wedding together. We've always said his first marriage is a part of what made him who he is today, so there's no point pretending it didn't happen. We are getting married in the same month as his first wedding, and I didn't want any of his family having flashbacks :-) I wanted it to be as different as possible. It also gave us a chance to talk about what he DID like about his first wedding, so we could have a "If I could do it over" kinda talk. It gave me some great ideas, and allowed him to provide input to make The Big Day special and comfortable for him, too.
Long before I ever met T, I put away all the pics of my x. He was a wascally wabbit and I guess I don't have to mention that he wasn't the nicest of fellows in the end..so they were long gone before I ever thought about dating again.
I kept the pics of ME on wedding day though. Good ones. And of my family. I get along with his family still very well ironically. They understood things totally. Anyhow, I do want to see the pics of T and his x just to make sure nothing ever gets similar in any way shape or form!
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My FI doesn't have his wedding pictures anymore, but I have seen pictures of them together (I have the unfortunate displeasure of interacting with her from time to time during kid activities) but he does have their wedding video which i want to throw away...his reasoning is to keep it for their kids in case they ever want to see it. Until then, it stays in a dark (mostly) forgotten corner in our upstairs crawl space-hopefully the day will never come that it has to be dug out of there.
I do not want to see pictures of my fiance's last wedding. I frankly don't need those images in my head. it was a long time ago, and I think our weddings are going to be quite different. I am sure that there will be little visual resemblance to remind him of his last one. One thing that did happen was that I suggested having the wedding at his parents' house and he said that would not be a good idea since his last wedding was there. That idea was nixed very quickly, and I am glad.
Not only have I seen pictures of them together...but I caught the bouquet last time! Yikes!
It is kind of weird...but not too weird. They were young.
The only thing that has come up was I wanted sunflowers for the wedding, but she really loves sunflowers and had them everywhere in their house. So now he hates sunflowers! Bummer. Could have done a cool brown and yellow thing...
I moved on to tulips, and all is right with the world!
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I didn't care to see the photos but ended up seeing them in an unfortunate, unplanned way. Early in our relationship, we went to his brother's house to meet the family for the first time. They made us sleep in separate bedrooms... I got to sleep in the 'office'. The screensaver on the computer had a slideshow of my husband's first wedding!!! I'm pretty sure my sister-in-law planned it... she's very passive aggressive in many other ways. Crazy!
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I saw one picture of his wedding day on his MySpace page before we started dating. It's burned into my retinas! Haha! I'm concerned about having the ceremony be too similar to his first one b/c we're using the same preacher. There's a backstory to that one--I knew him before she did. We met at church with said preacher. We lost touch, he married her with him officiating, they divorced, he and I reunited and decided to get married. It makes sense to have that preacher be our officiant b/c he was there at the beginning of our friendship. I'm just worried that to his family, it will look like everything's the same--just with the bride switched out, so I'm trying to do things differently.
Tanya123-wow...you are a stronger person than me! my fingers itch if its near b/c i want to destroy it so bad (although there is a part that wants to see it...kinda that can't help but look at a car accident thing!)
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I kept my pics from my first wedding. Thats all that I kept from that relationship. He was crazy (and thats being reallllllly nice). I had my mom take it and put it up because I haven't decided if I want to keep it or not. I just know that I will not have something from my past relationship in my FH house. One of these days I'll decide what to do with them, but there is no way that my FH is going to see them. I don't every talk about my ex. I have answered any questions he has, but if I don't have to mention that time in my life, I don't.
You ladies make me feel like I must be demented or something. He has never been married before, but I LOVE seeing pictures of old girlfriends. And it is not just to size myself up to them (naturally, I do... but some of the exs are smokin so I cant get too caught up in it). Our lives are so intertwined now, that when I see pictures of his life before me, I am absolutely fascinated by it. I love hearing stories... I just think it is so fun learning about his experiences shaped him into the man he is today.
I must be weird.
Like sc8493, I kept some wedding pics...of ME and my family (not him or his) and they're great. My father who's passed away now looked so handsome that day. Far away, in a box, taped up for most of eternity, his parents have the rest of them b/c I didn't want any part of those other pics and put them in a box and marched them out to their suv when I found out they met and spoke with his mistress a few years ago even before I had left him.
Now lilbird, I have no urge to see T's x's. None of em. Especially not the xw who is a particularly nasty sort of person.
lilbird, you're not the only crazy one. :-)
I'm sure it would be different if he had ever been married before, but I get a kick out of hearing stories from his "past life"! After thinking about it more though, I still wouldn't want to see the pictures.
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He's been married before, and so have I. I havne't seen the pictures from his first wedding and he hasn't seen mine, but we have talked about it. We both had big, formal first weddings-as was the trend in the early 90's, ring styles, dress styles, etc.-everything was so very different. We are both who we are now bc of where we've been-and as much as we would have liked to have married each other the first time, I don't think we would have worked then the way we work now bc part of how well we work now is bc of where we've been-does that make any sort of sense?
I don't know that I want to see those pictures. I kept my wedding album and video-put away-because my children may want to see where they came from one day. No matter how happy we are now as a couple, and how happy the four of us are as a family-every child wants to know where they came from. My fiance' says that he really doesn't remember or care to remember his first wedding/marriage bc he was so unhappy-which would be why she is an ex now and we are getting married.
Definitely an interesting conversation though. I'm sure our wedding is very different bc of time of year (we were both spring/summer before) and our wedding is in October and that ours is a morning wedding with a brunch reception.
T and I always joke around about what would have happened if he had met me during his senior year in college (I would have been a freshman).
He agreed he probably would have dated me, but caught flack for it because I'm 4 years younger..
We both have difficult x spouses, (although mine is becoming finally less of one thankfully now due to some of his issues which were self induced) and I don't think either of us really want to see the others' albums as it is just a reminder to me of how I had a lovely day with my family and friends but somehow managed back in 1996 to spend over 20k.
Even back then.
hehe..I drove my FI back to his old house to (finally!) get his "stuff" from his ex-wife. She stuck the DVD of their wedding in the pile of DVD's..yeah, I watched it. He told me all about it before hand-all of the "signs" on the wedding day that it was a mistake. It was amazing to see how it was all for show-the way she stood next to him, well, more like away from him. The unity candle wasn't lit, the doves flew away from eachother, a bee attacked her, stuff like that.
we had a good laugh, and he pointed out his family that I have yet to meet. It did help me make up my mind on the dress I am going to wear! I don't regret seeing the video. he has since thrown it out. As for me, my wedding album was stolen before my divorce (a sign?). I only have one picture and it is in my kids' family album, in storage...I was preggers and it was a civil ceremony, nothing fancy.
Unfortunately, yes. The stupid hag posted TONS AND TONS of pictures of them together and for days my facebook kept showing them. It made me die inside. He didn't even know they were friends on facebook.. I wouldn't be surprised if she hacked in and did it. I hate that woman. Those pictures are such a sore spot for me: I'd rather run the risk of having a similar wedding than have to see them ever again. That being said, he knows if he brings her up I'll cry. Once he mistakenly called me by her name (because he'd been talking about an aunt of the same name) and ohh boy. He turned white.
I hate his ex. She's tried to break us up, and just so many painful things have happened because of her.
When he was moving in he unpacked a box that was full of old photos and he showed me an album his mom made for him of his last one. They didn't have real wedding... got married in the courthouse and then had a party. the pics were of the party.
Funny story...I was a guest at his last wedding. So, yes I remember it.
In my case, I'm the one who was married before. NotFroofy never had been. But NotFroofy met my ex on the way back home from the airport, when I picked her up for our first meeting. So "pretending it didn't happen" wasn't exactly an option for her. At the same time, she was well aware that I wasn't carrying a torch for him.
When NotFroofy and I began planning our wedding, she asked to see pictures from my first wedding, to give her an idea of what a Jewish wedding was like. (I'm Jewish; she is not.) We didn't make any special effort to make the second wedding different from the first. The fact that they were over 30 years apart, and that my first wedding reflected my ex-husband and me while my second reflected NotFroofy and me was enough to make them quite different. Ironically, the one thing that was definitely the same was that my ex-husband and his sister attended my second wedding--at NotFroofy's suggestion.
My current FI has never been married before, but previously I was engaged to a man who was divorced. He kept all of the pictures in a storage room in his house. I came to live with him from overseas - he was military - and the second or third day there he asked me to go up to that room and dig around for his birth certificate and divorce documents to save time preparing for our own wedding, since he was working all day and I had nothing to do.
Even the fact that I was on the hunt for his divorce documents was kind of weird, but it got much weirder when I saw the stack of perfectly framed wedding pictures leaning against the wall. I hated her for such a long time, just the sight of her there in her dress, with her perfect runner's body that he always tortured me by comparing with mine.
Irony of ironies, she saved my ass. That man had so many problems and disgusting issues, and finally I tracked her down, called her out of the blue, and asked her why they divorced. Oh, wow, did I get an earful. I found out that she left him (of course he told me the opposite) because he was a truly disgusting sex addict who bullied her into having the perfect body, etc. - and she had the signed admission of fault from him to prove her side of the story.
Now when I think of that picture, I feel so sad for her and so lucky for myself that I escaped! It's still burned into my retinas, but as a warning, almost...
We both haven't been married before but, of course, have exs. I actually left my ex for him so he knew who the guy was but it's never been an issue(thankfully). I, on the other hand, have never met his ex but can't stand the thought of her. They only dated a year but any pictures of them together has always freaked me out because they, at the time, looked "in love" and she's the only other woman that he's been with. I think a lot of women get that sinking feeling in their stomach when they see pictures thinking they might not measure up but the important thing to remember is that he is with YOU. I used to stalk her Facebook though, I'll admit it and it just made me paranoid because she kept pictures. I have no pictures of my exs, they really are old news. He has some pictures with her in them but only because they took a trip to Eurpoe with a group of other kids in high school. I've learned to just let go and not look, there really is no benefit to looking.
@liztwinz: We always say _ If we hadn't been there we wouldn't be here....
I am glad my DH hasn't shown me pictures, because knowing me, I'd just say unkind things about her. Like why the heck did A FABULOUS LOOKING and WONDERFUL guy marry that thing? I mean...ummm? But she has always had bad hair (at least whenever I've had the pleasure of seeing her..she is always mean and unfriendly and I am always the one trying to be friendly when we get H's dd for visitations).
Anyhow, now since our wedding is over I don't think seeing the photos would bother me at all. I know we're tight, have a lovely marriage and family, and even if she had a celebrity wedding planner, hollywood stylist, or the figure of a supermodel in the photos,, I'd not get upset. Life, love, and happiness has a way of fixing that!
True story....
His mom owns one of the largest independent tax places in the mid west. I visited her office for the first time in August of last year so she could redo my military pay, I was due a nice refund! We had been dating about 9 months or so at this point. The office is his first childhood home, photos everywhere, in frames, taped up along the ceiling, totally random like.
Behind some old Christmas pictures of people I don't know, I see, poking out, his wedding day photo!!! She is hidden behind the photo on top of it, but there he is, looking at me while I was in the chair in front of his mom's desk.
I was too surprised to say anything. It took every ounce of restraint to not rip it off the wall. I know she feels the same about his ex as the whole family does...I think she does not get enough photos of her son is all.
As soon as we are officially engaged, that photo is getting taken down, that is for sure.
I did not tell my man I saw it though. I saw it again when I had my taxes done in February. I will hold my tongue until new photos are made.
Yep, I've seen his first wedding photos, and he's seen mine, or at least some of them. Doesn't bother either of us at all; like others have said, the past is part of who we are. There are children involved, too...mostly grown, but there's one that's still in HS. No point in pretending the exes didn't happen. We don't live in the same state as either of them...one's in MD, one's in FL, and we're in Georgia, so we're not running into each other at Walmart. That's probably a good thing.
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This is something I began thinking about a few months ago. For example, I didn't want to have similar colors or style whatsoever to the soiree they had before. Theirs was a long time ago (immediately after he got his undergrad) and the styles thankfully are very different now. She (his x) and I are worlds apart in looks, attitude, and even profession. So most likely even for traditionalists, our styles wouldn't probably be anything similar. Geez I was a bridesmaid for the first time three years after the year he got married and I remember seeing a pic of me in that bridesmaid dress thinking to myself, "Gosh did we look silly back then!". It was a taffeta nightmare in fuscia. It was off the shoulder and my sorority sis made us buy satin dyed to match shoes. I think Kathryn Heigl wore one of those eyesores in 27 dresses!
We have a very honest, open relationship. Can talk about anything and everything..but this. I just don't even bring it up. Of course I know it happened, but I just kind of ignore it. But I know that before I do flower arrangements and make the final touches I'll have to double check and find out once and for all.
Once we get the venue decided upon and a few other important things (like confirming our date and location), maybe then will be a good time. I actually don't think of this often, but when I've seen photos of him at his brother's wedding a while back, it makes me wonder. Of course it's a new day, new beginning, and nothing is as it was before, but I just want to make sure it's a thousand degrees of separation away from what was once before.
As for me, I have never seen one photo of them together ever. Not one picture at all. Maybe it was a pretty wedding. Maybe it well..was nondescript. He never mentions it at all and never has. For him, it's all about our future and family. I love that about him. Seeing those pics won't give me a visceral reaction, except maybe for me thinking (just as he does) that we should have met a decade and a half earlier. (I'm 39).
Have you dared to view any (gasp) pics of your fiance's fomer wedding?