Post # 1
This is something I began thinking about a few months ago. For example, I didn’t want to have similar colors or style whatsoever to the soiree they had before. Theirs was a long time ago (immediately after he got his undergrad) and the styles thankfully are very different now. She (his x) and I are worlds apart in looks, attitude, and even profession. So most likely even for traditionalists, our styles wouldn’t probably be anything similar. Geez I was a bridesmaid for the first time three years after the year he got married and I remember seeing a pic of me in that bridesmaid dress thinking to myself, "Gosh did we look silly back then!". It was a taffeta nightmare in fuscia. It was off the shoulder and my sorority sis made us buy satin dyed to match shoes. I think Kathryn Heigl wore one of those eyesores in 27 dresses!
We have a very honest, open relationship. Can talk about anything and everything..but this. I just don’t even bring it up. Of course I know it happened, but I just kind of ignore it. But I know that before I do flower arrangements and make the final touches I’ll have to double check and find out once and for all.
Once we get the venue decided upon and a few other important things (like confirming our date and location), maybe then will be a good time. I actually don’t think of this often, but when I’ve seen photos of him at his brother’s wedding a while back, it makes me wonder. Of course it’s a new day, new beginning, and nothing is as it was before, but I just want to make sure it’s a thousand degrees of separation away from what was once before.
As for me, I have never seen one photo of them together ever. Not one picture at all. Maybe it was a pretty wedding. Maybe it well..was nondescript. He never mentions it at all and never has. For him, it’s all about our future and family. I love that about him. Seeing those pics won’t give me a visceral reaction, except maybe for me thinking (just as he does) that we should have met a decade and a half earlier. (I’m 39).
Have you dared to view any (gasp) pics of your fiance’s fomer wedding?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
They didnt get married, but I’ve seen pics of he and his ex together- we got rid of those! And he’s seen mine too – we ALSO got rid of those. It’s just nicer to have them gone – the less reminders there are, the less you remember that that *other* person even existed. But I would definitely want to see pics of his wedding, had he had one – like you, I would hate to have similar stylistic elements. But also like you, I don’t think I would anyway, as she and I are very different personalities and tastes. Also though, I think if I was chosing something, he’d let me know if it was a no-go for that reason.
Post # 4
My FI and I actually looked at the pics of his first wedding together. We’ve always said his first marriage is a part of what made him who he is today, so there’s no point pretending it didn’t happen. We are getting married in the same month as his first wedding, and I didn’t want any of his family having flashbacks 🙂 I wanted it to be as different as possible. It also gave us a chance to talk about what he DID like about his first wedding, so we could have a "If I could do it over" kinda talk. It gave me some great ideas, and allowed him to provide input to make The Big Day special and comfortable for him, too.
Post # 5
Long before I ever met T, I put away all the pics of my x. He was a wascally wabbit and I guess I don’t have to mention that he wasn’t the nicest of fellows in the end..so they were long gone before I ever thought about dating again.
I kept the pics of ME on wedding day though. Good ones. And of my family. I get along with his family still very well ironically. They understood things totally. Anyhow, I do want to see the pics of T and his x just to make sure nothing ever gets similar in any way shape or form!
Post # 6
My FI doesn’t have his wedding pictures anymore, but I have seen pictures of them together (I have the unfortunate displeasure of interacting with her from time to time during kid activities) but he does have their wedding video which i want to throw away…his reasoning is to keep it for their kids in case they ever want to see it. Until then, it stays in a dark (mostly) forgotten corner in our upstairs crawl space-hopefully the day will never come that it has to be dug out of there.
Post # 7
I do not want to see pictures of my fiance’s last wedding. I frankly don’t need those images in my head. it was a long time ago, and I think our weddings are going to be quite different. I am sure that there will be little visual resemblance to remind him of his last one. One thing that did happen was that I suggested having the wedding at his parents’ house and he said that would not be a good idea since his last wedding was there. That idea was nixed very quickly, and I am glad.
Post # 8
Not only have I seen pictures of them together…but I caught the bouquet last time! Yikes!
It is kind of weird…but not too weird. They were young.
Post # 9
The only thing that has come up was I wanted sunflowers for the wedding, but she really loves sunflowers and had them everywhere in their house. So now he hates sunflowers! Bummer. Could have done a cool brown and yellow thing…
I moved on to tulips, and all is right with the world!
Post # 10
I didn’t care to see the photos but ended up seeing them in an unfortunate, unplanned way. Early in our relationship, we went to his brother’s house to meet the family for the first time. They made us sleep in separate bedrooms… I got to sleep in the ‘office’. The screensaver on the computer had a slideshow of my husband’s first wedding!!! I’m pretty sure my sister-in-law planned it… she’s very passive aggressive in many other ways. Crazy!
Post # 11
I saw one picture of his wedding day on his MySpace page before we started dating. It’s burned into my retinas! Haha! I’m concerned about having the ceremony be too similar to his first one b/c we’re using the same preacher. There’s a backstory to that one–I knew him before she did. We met at church with said preacher. We lost touch, he married her with him officiating, they divorced, he and I reunited and decided to get married. It makes sense to have that preacher be our officiant b/c he was there at the beginning of our friendship. I’m just worried that to his family, it will look like everything’s the same–just with the bride switched out, so I’m trying to do things differently.
Post # 12
I can’t remember if Isawthe pics. But I definitely saw he video. Why did I torcher myself?
Post # 13
Tanya123-wow…you are a stronger person than me! my fingers itch if its near b/c i want to destroy it so bad (although there is a part that wants to see it…kinda that can’t help but look at a car accident thing!)
Post # 14
I kept my pics from my first wedding. Thats all that I kept from that relationship. He was crazy (and thats being reallllllly nice). I had my mom take it and put it up because I haven’t decided if I want to keep it or not. I just know that I will not have something from my past relationship in my FH house. One of these days I’ll decide what to do with them, but there is no way that my FH is going to see them. I don’t every talk about my ex. I have answered any questions he has, but if I don’t have to mention that time in my life, I don’t.
Post # 15
You ladies make me feel like I must be demented or something. He has never been married before, but I LOVE seeing pictures of old girlfriends. And it is not just to size myself up to them (naturally, I do… but some of the exs are smokin so I cant get too caught up in it). Our lives are so intertwined now, that when I see pictures of his life before me, I am absolutely fascinated by it. I love hearing stories… I just think it is so fun learning about his experiences shaped him into the man he is today.
I must be weird.
Post # 16
Like sc8493, I kept some wedding pics…of ME and my family (not him or his) and they’re great. My father who’s passed away now looked so handsome that day. Far away, in a box, taped up for most of eternity, his parents have the rest of them b/c I didn’t want any part of those other pics and put them in a box and marched them out to their suv when I found out they met and spoke with his mistress a few years ago even before I had left him.
Now lilbird, I have no urge to see T’s x’s. None of em. Especially not the xw who is a particularly nasty sort of person.