Post # 1
His immediate family don’t have too much of a problem with music the issue is that some of his relative(i.e. his aunt) feel really strongly against it and might not come or might walk out. I on the other hand feel really strongly for it. No one in their family has ever had music at their wedding. They do have music but its only a specific type of music with specific types of instraments that they believe is not against their religion. This would mean that I would not be able to play ANY of the songs that I want at the wedding. FH is taking their side. I know I can get my way if I tell him that if there will be no music at the wedding there will be no bride at the wedding either.
Post # 3
I don’t think that I could try and manipulate my DH to change his convictions. I mean is he siding with them b/c he doesn’t want issues or does he hold those same convictions?
Really as important as it may seem to you… the only song I even HEARD at our wedding was when we had worship. And that’s only b/c we totally stopped and put our focus on worshipping. Everything was like blocked out so to speak.. I don’t even remember hearing them. lol
So taking that into consideration, I prolly would degress on having to have it if having it meant pushing my DH to step down from what he believes.
*just a thought*
That and manipulation defintiely isn’t a good way to get a compomise. lol
Post # 4
Is there a way you can compromise? I don’t like the ultimatum one bit – I think it’s really starting things off on the wrong foot. I know you said music is really important to you – do you mean during the ceremony, or during the reception? If it’s during the ceremony, can you try to find a song that musicians can play with the instruments his family approves of? And if it’s during the reception, why not just have the DJ or band not start up until everyone’s done with dinner, and then those who want to stay and dance can, but those who are offended by the music can leave?
Post # 5
Clarification: is your FI on “their side” because he shares their religious convictions, or because he doesn’t want to rock the boat?
Post # 6
I agree with pp that your FI’s motivations are important. If he is against music because of his religious beliefs, then it sounds like you two have some pretty different ideas about religion and more important than the wedding you need to decide if you can live with and respect his beliefs for the rest of your life.
If, however, he is just trying to please his family then I think he needs to get over it. You two should have the wedding you want and if family is going to not come because of it, that is their perogative.
Post # 7
@runsyellowlites: Well its not about his beliefs he listens to music all the time and has no problem with it. He just doesn’t want issues with his family. I feel like this wedding should be about me and him not about his distant relative who he avoids seeing as much as possible. I also think that what I want should be more important than what they want since its my/our day.
Post # 8
Yeah, this would bother me A LOT too. I completely agree that if it isn’t his parents or somebody very close, why not have music?
Post # 9
@USAandKSA: I agree with you. What you and he want IS more important. He should be backing you on this. But you should not under any circumstances issue an ultimatum over this. Discuss it like adults.
Post # 10
He is not religious at least not that religious he just doesn’t want probs and he listens to music all the time.
Post # 11
@USAandKSA:are you talking about the ceremony, or the reception?
Post # 13
WB is really getting on my nerves.
Giving an ultimatum is not going to help you out in the long run. Remind him that a wedding reflects the couples interests…not some aunts and uncles who don’t like music.
Maybe compromise. Maybe don’t play music until after dinner. Then, if they want to leave they can leave.
Post # 14
@Miss Tattoo: I like your compromise suggestion!
I am curious about what religion they are?
Post # 15
Thats a great compromise ^^^ and what I was going to recommend, I can’t stand family that always wants it to be about their desires rather than the bride & groom. urggg…
Post # 16
@amyisnice: Sounds like the 2×2’s or the Truth. Probably isn’t, but they are against a lot of different music too.