If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to skip the wedding

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@jypatel:  62k is a massive leap from small and simple! What are the deposits you’ve paid for? 

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I definitely hit that point 5 months before our wedding. We cancelled the wedding we were planning and planned a new one for 1/3 the guests and 1/4 the budget!

You’re a little close to be doing that, though!

Post # 5
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Whoa, your small, simple wedding is costing you $62k?!?

I got married last month and the couple of weeks leading up to my wedding I felt the exact same way. Initially we had wanted to elope, but we allowed our families to talk us out of it. I got so frustrated with some of our vendors and the planning that I just wished we had gone with our original plan. Then my wedding day came. Things were not perfect but it didn’t matter. It was one of the best nights of my life and I am SO happy we did it the way we did. At this point your wedding is so close that I would just put my foot down with the family and the vendors. It is YOUR wedding. Forget all of the BS and try to relax a little bit. Good luck!!

Post # 6
Hostess
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@jypatel:  No. I don’t think you’re crazy. I can’t tell you what to do because I wasn’t in that position (We did small – only us – and a party later on our anniversary later.) Our whole 2 part deal cost less than your deposits. Some of that was our financial means at the time, but most of it was our choice in the way we wanted to get married and how much access we wanted to give our families to our marriage. I can tell you, however, I’ve never regretted my tiny private weddding or my simple DIY anniversary party. While it’s never what I imagined growing up, it was perfect for us and I’m glad we both had the courage (if you met our families, you’d believe me that it took courage! haha) to really stand up and do what *we* wanted to do rather than what we felt everyone else wanted us to do.

 

Truthfully 50k is a lot of money, but in the end it’s not really about that. It sounds to me like you really didn’t want this whole big wedding and you still don’t. How does your FI feel about it? Does he agree with you? If he does, and he believes that the money would be better spent on another aspect of your life (car, investment portfolio, travel, whatever) then maybe you should consider cancelling or scaling back. If he does feel that this is an important symbolic investment in your marriage, then I think you should continue to talk about finaincal priorities and compromises because it will likely be an area you continuously have to work on throughout your marriage. (We defininitely do, and we mostly agree on the money stuff!) Maybe you do do the big wedding because it really means so much to him, but you start saving for something else right away, maybe you can cancel some of the vendors or scale back without cancelling the whole wedding, etc. 

 

Good luck! This stuff is hard, and I don’t blame you for feeling like maybe it’s snowballed out of control. 

ETA: Definitely give us an update when you decide what you’re going to do!

Post # 7
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

Dang girl, my whole budget is 12k haha. I don’t know how many times I’ve asked my fiance if we could elope instead. But I agree with him that I think I would have regretted not having a regular wedding with our friends and family. Take a deep breath!! 🙂 Things won’t be perfect, but you’ll have the night of your life.

Post # 8
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I know how you feel – or at least I think I do, I feel the same way all the time 2 months out, I just remind myself that it isn’t just my wedding (i wouldnt be having a wedding for me, ever) it’s the wedding that my parents and grandparents dreamed about as they raised me and its a beautiful (but overpriced) way for my fiance to officially become a part of my family and for me to become a part of his – and i feel like poop for wasting so much money and that sucks, but the deposits are a sunk cost so what can you do, right?

when i add up ALL of the feelings of all of the family and friends I realize that my wedding does mean a lot and is special and maybe it’s not such a huge rediculous waste after all…

i hope it helps

Post # 10
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@jypatel:  I am so sorry to hear that, I know it’s unbridal but you can tell your vendors to cut it out – you’re the client, they’re the vendors and if they’re dirty and manipulative you have every right to explain your expectations for professional behaivor and then to threaten to cancel the contract and write an awful review online, challenge your with the credit card company, etc. they have no right to make you feel this way.

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