Post # 1
I won’t put you through the whole long story, but basically it’s a tale of regret. I left my partner of over two years at the beginning of the year. I had rebound relationship for nearly 7months that was great fun, but ultimately I didn’t see a future in it.
Anyway, long story short. I miss him (my proper partner, not the rebound) like crazy. We’ve started spending a bit of time together platonically and he thinks we could potentially end up together in future, but that I first need to finish “finding myself” and make sure that this is what I really want (I guess he wants to avoid me hurting him again too). He’s 10 years older than me, so it’s kind of like he’s waiting for me to get to the right level of maturity (if that makes sense). He’s very wise, intelligent and mature for his age and he values these qualities in a potential long term partner.
You see, at the time of leaving him, I was going through a bit of a “quarter life crisis.” I left my solid career (which was high stress, high pressure) which I had been in since university, to finally say yes to myself and do something less pressured and competitive. It was less than a month later that I left my partner too. I went through a period where I wanted to try out new things and discover who I am. This whole period was good fun, but now I’m at the stage of settling back down. I returned to my old career (but in a different company and at a higher level) within 6 months, I ended my relationship with “Mr Rebound,” and now I want to rebuild what I had with my ex.
So, basically now, I want to get back together with him. He wants to spend time together platonically for a while and see how we go (mostly so I don’t change my mind again and hurt him….again).
How do I get him to move past the “friend zone” with me, and get our relationship back? He’s not seeing anyone else,so that’s not a barrier.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@victoria1990: I think you’re just going to have to give him some time. Are you sure that this is definitely what you want this time?
Post # 4
@MeiFrancis: I’m absolutely sure. I couldn’t stop thinking about him even when I was with Mr Rebound. I tried to convince myself I hated him, and that didn’t work. I just somehow feel like we’re meant to be.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@victoria1990: Then keep in contact with him and make your feelings known, but don’t push him too hard- the betrayal is still fresh for him. He has to be sure he can trust you before he can happily be in a relationship with you again.
Post # 6
@victoria1990: i definitely think it’s just a matter of time, and if you show him what he wants, then it’ll work out. If FI broke up with me, i think it would take A LOT for us to get back to where we are now.
Post # 7
@victoria1990: I think you’ll just have to give him time, like MeiFrancis said. Trying to rush or beg or prod and poke him into a relationship may be counterproductive.
I suggest letting him know how you feel and what you would like to happen, and then giving him time to get comfortable again.
Post # 8
@victoria1990: just give him time and let him know that you are there for him. i can totally understand why he would be a bit hesitant to go the the next level with you.
don’t rush it and don’t push or nag him, this will be counter productive for your relationship.
Post # 9
I think that giving plenty of time is necessary, but in addition to that you need to let him know and show him that you care about him and that his heart will be safe with you again.
It will take time, but be patient if you know that this is what you truly want. Moving slowly is what is best for both of you at this point.
Post # 10
You need to find a way to prove that after another two years, this definitely won’t happen again. Are you able to list the ways that makes this time around different, and that you won’t need a spin around the block to take a breather at some point? A break like that won’t solve relationship doubts every time.
Post # 11
I would definitely give him time!
Keep hanging out and talking, and remind him of why you are SO awesome!
Eventually I’m sure he’ll start to trust you again!
Post # 12
@victoria1990: I try not to have regrets because you made the best decision that you could for yourself at the time. Things have changed now and there may be no going back, but you acted how you thought was best. I really do believe that every action has consequences and we have to live with them – it’s like our mom’s always told us, once you make your bed you have to lay in it. I wouldn’t get back with someone who left me either. That is not a productive way to deal with conflict. I would always wonder if the person would leave again when things got tough or they were dealing with something personal. Communication and trust are key.
Post # 13
As others have said, it will just take time.
Make sure that your intentions are fully known (without telling him a million times), & then try to be as “normal” as possible in a way that does not feel like you are pressuring him.
I believe that will show him a major sign of maturity in you, that you can be direct in expressing what you want, & then leave the ball in his court all while remaining cool as a cucumber.
I think you are very blessed that he is willing to consider starting a relationship again, so I’d take that as an excellent sign that he is already well on his way to “unfriend zoning” you.