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If I don't like FSIL do I invite her to the shower (to avoid drama/ questions)

posted 5 months ago in Family
  • poll: Should I invite the FSIL that I dislike?
    invite her, let her decide : (46 votes)
    98 %
    don't invite her, make up a story should questions about her presence arise : (1 votes)
    2 %
    other option? what are my other options!? : (0 votes)
  •  
    1.
    Member
    3,003 posts
    Sugar bee
    vmec    May 12, 2012   Vancouver

    So I don't like FSIL for various reasons. Though to keep peace neither of us have told the groom (her beloved brother) to save the drama of putting him in awkward postion of knowing his 2 best girls dislike eachother.

    So my question is now, how do I go about the bridal shower... FMIL is helping through the shower (my mom is hosting though). I'd like to invite a few of FI's aunts, so now, what do I do about FSIL? Do I invite her and hope she declines (but if she does come, simply be polite but ignore her as much as possible). This way I can say I invited her, so no further questions will be asked about our relationship. Or "forget" to invite her/ lie and say my mom had the wrong address/ email or some other 'missing' invite story.

    I do want to avoid drama, and avoid putting the family at odds with me vs. her. But I also don't want to stir her pot by making her think I invited her because I want more gifts. But this is only an issue becasue other members of her family will be at the shower...

    Lots of bees don't like their FSIL's so what did you do? (or what should I do?)

     
    2.
    Member
    1,410 posts
    Bumble bee
    Legallyblondiebride    June 2012  

    @vmec: My FSIL did not get along in the beginning, but I gave her a chance, was patient and kept trying and now we are actually friends! I say extend an olive branch and invite her. You can't exclude her. Especially when you are inviting her family. It will only make you look bad in the end, and you are too good for that! :)

     
    3.
    Member
    764 posts
    Busy bee
    Mrs.D-To-Be    September 8, 2012   Los Angeles, CA

    I don't have experience here but I would advise you to invite her. She's in your life forever now so it's probably best to try to like her. And if that's not possible, at least try to keep the peace.

    Good luck!

     
    4.
    Member
    2,229 posts
    Buzzing bee
    yellowshoe    December 2011   Laguna Beach, CA

    I am totally in the same boat as you. To add to it my FSIL does not get along with a few of my good friends. So I ended up not inviting those friends to my bachelorette party to avoid drama with FSIL....and I opted to not have a bridal shower to avoid another awkward moment.

    FSIL and I are civil to each other and get along for FI's sake. I blew up on him recently about her, and that was his first insight into my true feelings for his sister. It ended with me telling him to not worry and that I would still be civil in front of her.

    Soooo good luck!

     
    5.
    Member
    3,003 posts
    Sugar bee
    vmec    May 12, 2012   Vancouver

    I probably will, but we are opposite. At first we liked eachother, but after 4 years, she's done more and more things that I think WTF- how on earth?- Jesus Murphy!- Oh dear God reactions to her actions and have come to dislike more and more. I loathe the day I ought to be related leagally to her. But you're right... it would make me look bad.

     
    6.
    Member
    1,167 posts
    Bumble bee
    All In    November 1, 2011  

    Sorry, she's family now--invite her.

     
    7.
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    3,003 posts
    Sugar bee
    vmec    May 12, 2012   Vancouver

    @yellowshoe: hahaha, I hope I don't blow up anytime soon! Buuuut there's not a chance in hell she's coming to the stagette, no family there, therefore no potential questions :D

     
    8.
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    1,530 posts
    Bumble bee
    msfahrenheit    August 28, 2011   Blacksburg VA

    I'd invite her. If you two can play nice around her brother, you can play nice for the shower too. It will look really bad to his family if she's not there because you didn't invite her.

     
    9.
    Member
    4,610 posts
    Honey bee
    smyley    May 2010  

    Really. What could you possibly say to your FMIL about that? Oh. BTW...your daughter isn't invited to a party you are helping to throw for me. What?

    That would go over great.

     
    10.
    Member
    1,383 posts
    Bumble bee
    Cornflakegirl    October 2, 2011  

    @vmec: Invite her. If she thinks you invited her for more gifts, that's a shame, but you can't control what she'll think. At least you will have invited her and free yourself of any concern in not doing so. If she comes to the party and you see her approaching you, you might consider finding one of her relatives to stand beside. She might think twice about saying or doing anything rude to you in front of her mother or aunt. ;) Good luck.

     
    11.
    Member
    3,003 posts
    Sugar bee
    vmec    May 12, 2012   Vancouver

    @smyley: I said I would have lied. Oh but she was invited to the shower however she declined to come, I believe she said she already had plans.

     
    12.
    Member
    3,003 posts
    Sugar bee
    vmec    May 12, 2012   Vancouver

    @Cornflakegirl: good advice!

     
    13.
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    1,225 posts
    Bumble bee
    baletrina    May 27, 2012   Chicago, Illinois

    Be the bigger person and invite her.  One of my FSILs is horrid.  She is invited to all the events but sits in the corner pouting.  Her perogative.  This is my show not hers!

     
    14.
    Member
    3,003 posts
    Sugar bee
    vmec    May 12, 2012   Vancouver

    ^ Haha, I'm sure we'll be nice and fake to eachother.

     

     
    15.
    Member
    1,806 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Pinksapphire      

    Just invite her and hopefully she will decline, since the feeling is mutual, right?  If she's not obnoxious like my FSIL, there shouldn't be a problem.

    I despise my FSIL with every last fiber of my being.  Luckily for me, FI feels the same way about her.  So it's not causing a rift between us (if he WAS close to her, I'd pretend I liked her to make him happy, though).  We don't want her at our wedding, period.  But, I'm really just hoping that she ends up saying that she doesn't want to come, since she hates me just as much as I hate her.  I don't want to un-invite her, but I don't want her there.  So, I understand what you're going through.

     

     

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