Post # 1
Okay so my mom has been engaged to this man for about 2 years now…I don’t care for him. He is mentally and physically abusive towards my mother don’t get me wrong she starts fights too…I have witnessed her hitting him first! My whole family despises this man and is begging my mom to leave him. Not to mention when I got pregnant with my son he proceeded to call my Fiance and grill him and tell him that If we had this baby it would ruin my life I’m assuming he was suggesting I have an abortion… This was 2 years ago before we were engaged. So needless to say my Fiance REALLY HATES him. So the question is do I invite this man to my wedding? At first it was a no brainer of course this man wouldn’t be invited. Now my mom has made it clear that she is not leaving him and they will be getting married and we are all stuck with him. So my moms wants him invited and the rest of my family is telling me not to invite him! What to do? If I invite him my family and I will be incofortable and If I don’t my mom will never forgive me. Plus my mom is the person helping me the most with planning the wedding considering I don’t have a wedding planner and I really can’t afford her having a melt down wedding day BC she is so mad BC he wasn’t invited! Help! Sorry so long…
Post # 3
As much as I don’t want to tell you this …. he’s your mom’s fiance and will soon be your step-father – you have to invite him! Even if he wasn’t going to soon be immeadiate family, it is beyond rude to invite someone and not invite their Fiance (and I doubt you were planning on not inviting your mom).
You really have to suck it up and do it and just try to avoid him as much as possible the day of.
Post # 4
I know in the end we will most likely invite him. Its just so frustrating to think about the personal attacks he has made to me and my Fiance about my pregnancy saying that the baby was a mistake and it would ruin my life! Our son the best thing that has ever happened to us and we got our lives together and are doing great! And it makes me sick to my stomach that we would be inviting this man who thought our son was a mistake to be a part of our wedding!
Post # 5
If you don’t invite him I cannot imagine that your mother will come. You will probably have ruined your relationship with her and likely forever.
Dealing with friends or family members in abusive relationships can be really really difficult, but really the only thing you can do is be there for your mom. Support her, build her up, and when this relationship comes crashing down around her be there to catch her. If the relationship is really abusive, chances are that some day she may need help leaving. If you alienate her now, she will have no one to turn to and may not be able to gain the courage to leave. If you stand by her, despite disagreeing with her choices,, then you will be able to be there for her when she needs you in the future.
As much as it sucks, you need to invite him. Although I would also inform the bartenders not to over-serve him and consider having security there in case he starts something 🙁
Post # 6
I think you need to have a conversation with both your mom and future stepdad. He needs to apologize to you for the comments about your child or NO INVITATION. Your mother needs to understand how much those comments hurt you as well. You can not start your life as a married couple and be expected to have a relationship with people who do not support your union, family or not.
Post # 7
I’d invite him. But I’d be crystal clear with your mother about why this was even a question, not avoid the touchy subjects (b/c i’m sure she does avoid it at all costs). I’d like to think that you could get him to apologize about what he said about your child, but he probably never will. Ugh, I hear these stories and it makes me so frustrated for people that end up with such loser guys and don’t snap OUT OF IT and break up with them. My mom did this and married my stepdad.. and since, I have never even been aquaintences with someone that didn’t treat me with kindness and respect, let alone get in a relationship. Just be sure you don’t repeat her mistakes and learn from them and teach your future children.
Post # 8
Thanks for the great advice it really helps!
@Melissa I totally agree I don’t understand why some women put up with it! I have always been very strong when it comes to men and have always demanded repect from any potential suiters… I always thought I learned that from my mom but now she is one of those women you just want to shake and say GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM! Ill never get it…
Post # 9
I could never be a counselor b/c my response would always be “he’s a loser! leave him and don’t look back! burn the house down!” or something crazy. I’d be all about the logistics about how to separate financially and find a new house etc while the person was still in the “but i love him!” stage. Sigh..
Good luck to you! You know with crazy relatives that everybody knows it’s them that’s nuts, and not you. You’ll have a great day no matter what!
Post # 10
Yea looks like the only thing you really can do is invite him but just ignore him 🙂
Post # 11
Sometimes we just have to accept that DUMB PEOPLE are part of our family. I mean, not trying to be mean – it’s true. We will NOT like everyone in our family, BUT they’re family. Suck it up, get over it as best you can, and try to have a great day (you will anyways) knowing that he’s there. If he’s a jerk or not, that’s your mom’s problem, don’t let him become more of a problem for YOU then he has to be.