If I knew then What I know Now (Vent)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Meant2Bee:  You’re totally entitled to feel this way. it’s COMPLETELY understandable! In fact, DH and I had a 150 person wedding planned for August 4 (ha! 3 days!) and in April I called him while I was at work. SO stressed out over the money, logistics, drama, I just didn’t want it anymore. I told him I wanted just the two of us to go to the coast and elope, so we did!

 

It was the best decision that we ever made during wedding planning, and I’d choose to do the same thing a thousand times over. I still wore my gorgeous gown, he still wore an AMAZING suit and looked so handsome, and we had the best day of our lives. I also spent a bit more on a great photographer, but since it was just a ceremony and portraits to do pictures of it was WAY cheaper! We also got a video highlight to show people. 🙂

Big weddings are a lot of stress! If you guys want to hop on a plane and go off by yourselves to get married, do it! You have over a year until your wedding, I don’t think anyone’s schedule will be affected. We didn’t tell anyone when we eloped and some people were kind of upset at first, but in the end people who truly cared about our happiness were excited that we got the wedding that we had wanted. 

We saved quite a few thousand dollars by just eloping, and I cannot say enough how happy we were that we did it. 

 

Post # 4
Member
3737 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Meant2Bee:  We’re having a “big” $10k wedding at a gorgeous venue complete with fancy linens, open bar, the whole nine yards. It is totally possible to have a big wedding without breaking the bank. In the end, I may go over budget by maybe $1k. You just have to Be honest with your vendors and say, “this is what I have to work with. What can you do for that?” If it’s not what you want, you keep searching until you find a vendor who will do exactly what you want for the right price. I promise they’re out there.

I could go on all day about wasys to scale back, but we’re not really scrimping on anything. We hit up sales, are having a Sunday wedding, and just kept searching until we found the perfect vendors who were in our budget.

Post # 5
Member
9532 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m really sorry you’re so stressed about this. It sounds like you’re just getting overwhelmed by things. Is it that you guys really can’t afford this wedding? Or just that you’re having trouble wrapping your head around spending that much? Very different issues. If you really can’t afford it, then maybe you should consider canceling. But if you just are getting overwhelmed, I’d try to give yourself some time to calm down. I’ve had some brief panics over spending so much on a wedding, but in the end I know why I’m doing it and I’m so excited. I would not agree that most people who have large weddings regret it. Most of my friends have had large weddings and I don’t know any of them that regret it for a second. There may be specific expenses they wouldn’t do, if they could go back, but they’ve been very happy to be surrounded by their love ones on their wedding day. I think in the end you will be happy as well. But if you really don’t think this is right, the time is now – it just gets harder the longer you wait.

Post # 6
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

First off, big **hug**.  It’ll be okay.

It sounds like you’ve got the drive, determination, and organizational skills to pull off an amazing backyard wedding. $10,000 is definitely enough for a kickass dinner, bar, and dancing reception for 100 people, even with rentals.  I would suggest talking to your venue and finding out if you would really lose the entire deposit.  They’ve got almost a whole year to put someone else in your spot.  In the long run, you’d be saving $20K, some of which you haven’t yet received/saved yet.  It would be a really smart move.

Post # 8
Member
6880 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@Meant2Bee:  You are not alone in this. We’ve been engaged for almost a month yet and haven’t really even begun to look at venues or even set a date because we can’t really figure out if a big wedding is right for us or not. One part of me wants a big wedding because my parents had a really small ceremony at my grandparents house, and my mom always regretted not getting her “dream wedding.” Another part of me wants to go to the courthouse tomorrow and just make it official already after our nearly 8 year journey together.

One major thing that’s driving me crazy is that before I got engaged my family had been hinting and then full on pressuring us to get married and have a wedding. My grandmother told me over the phone that “you can have whatever kind of wedding you want and you know that grandpa and I will pay for it.” Well of course that got my wheels spinning. I can have a horse and carriage and white peacocks and a cake with tiers to the moon…. until my grandpa renigged and said he’d only give us $X amount… which isn’t even enough to book the venue I got my heart set on after my grandma talked it up the way she did. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy that they have offered to contribute anything. But my fear is that either we have a really classy wedding where we limit the guest list HARD (and we wanted to have 16 people in our bridal party :/ ) OR we basically go into debt trying to have a big wedding that includes everyone OR we wait 10 more years to get married OR we just say screw it and go to the courthouse. It’s really really frustrating when everyone asks “have you set a date yet??”

Post # 10
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@PacificMrs:  +1. We cancelled our wedding to elope as well. Best decision we ever made for our wallets and our sanity.

Post # 12
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Meant2Bee:  I signed a non-refundable deposit contract, but I still got it back. I was so grateful – it was $1,500. That’s a lot for us! The way we saw it was that even if we lost the $1,500 it was a lot less than what we would lose if we went ahead with the wedding instead of elopement!

Post # 13
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@s2bmrscook:  I agree on negotiating with your vendors. We’re spending about $10k all said and done, for about 85 guests. We booked our wedding on a Friday, when our venue’s minimum was half that of Saturday’s, and we easily hit that with the deposit/rental, food, s’mores bar, DJ, bar set up, and taxes/fees. I did a LOT of DIY, invitations from Vistaprint (designed by me), great photographer whose fees are really low, etc.

Post # 14
Member
48 posts
Newbee

Yep I think you’re thinking straight……NOW.

 

30,000k?  That’s a HUGE downpayment on a house…..HUGE start for an IRA…idk seems ridiculous to me.

Now 10,000k for a wedding….now that’s what I’m thinking!  Don’t make yourself sick to “put on a grand party for everyone else in your family.”  if you’re the only one who is doing it…there was a reason no one else did it!!!

 

Listen to your gut and save your $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Post # 15
Member
3737 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Meant2Bee:  This is what I negotiated with some of my vendors:

DJ- Got an extra hour for free because our wedding is on a Sunday

Photographer- Free engagement session because her assistant sent me the wrong price list (She offered this, I did not ask for it)

Venue- 50% off of room rental fee (sales director wants a tattoo, FH is a tattoo artist. You see where I’m going with this?) $30pp for full buffet and open bar (6 hours) on Sunday vs. $45pp for the exact same thing on a Saturday.

Florist- Family friend of one of my bridesmaids. Amazing lady. ~$400 for ALL flowers (my bridal shower included) 9 bouquets (me, 7 BMs, 1 Junior BM), 2 wrist corsages (moms), 14 boutonnieres, 2 single roses (for flower girls), 8 long stemmed pink roses for my sorority sisters in attendance, and 2 tall arrangements for the ceremony (NO flowers in the reception centerpieces)

 

 

 

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