Post # 1
Sorry its a little rant but I need someone to help me on this.
6 out of 7 days last week I spent with my SO, I had dinner ready when he came over and we watched Star Wars and did all sorts of crazy things that we haven’t done in awhile, liked bowling in the hallway. He’s doesn’t believe in living together before marriage but is totally okay with me staying the night and visa versa. I just think he’s afraid of what his family will think, and its okay I understand not wanting to dissapoint his parents but still…
Anyhow, after spending time with him I just find myself wanting to spend more and more time with him. Since Sunday when he left its been very difficult to get a hold of him. He never texts me back (I only text him twice) and didn’t answer when I called to talk about my awesome news of getting a raise nor has he called me back since then. He does things like this at times and it makes me feel terrible. I understand personal space but I’m been struggling with the whole not being in school anymore and knowing I could be in my dream grad school program if I had not been so committed to his relationship.
I know that when it comes to getting engaged money is not a problem, I don’t want any jewels or anything, I’d be excited about a ring out of a vending machine in all honesty. I also know that he is able to spend at least 6 grand at the moment (due to a convo overheard about a bike his friend was trying to get him to buy). I know my debt has a little to do with it but it’ll be paid off in 2 months and he’s fine with helping me pay for my school loans (Willingly!) so I don’t understand why he hasn’t asked yet.
There have been several times when I had thought he would (and many others too) but it hasn’t happened. I know he loves me and the other night we pretty much hashed out what our house would be so I’m just really down today. I love every time we spend together but I just need that commitment of knowing he’ll be there EVERY morning with me not just when its the weekend or when he has the time.
He for whatever reason decided not to renew the lease on his apartment with his rms but opted for a month to month deal, he didn’t talk about why but has mentioned several times he wants to have a good down payment when he buys his house. I’ve just sacrificed a lot for his relationship and while I’m happy to not be in the long distance relastionship we would have been in I’m just feeling awful about myself. I just don’t see what the problem is if he has the means to.
Any thoughts you ladies have? I most days just don’t know if he’s ever going to propose (we’ve known each other for nearly 3 years and dated 1 1/2) it doesn’t sound like a lot but with all the insanity we’ve helped each other through and all the awesome fun it feels like more.
I’m just having a really rough day. :/
Post # 3
Im sorry you are having a tough day!!! The one thing that stood out from me in your post is that you put the relationship in front of your dream grad program. Please find a way to get yourself into the program…this is a decision you will never regret. Is there some reason you can’t becasue of your relationship?? PUT YOURSELF FIRST!!!
Secondly you need to let your SO know what you expect as far as him returning your calls/texts. Not getting back to you in a timely manner is NOT acceptable boyfriend behavior. This would TICK me off!!
Hope things get better ((hugs))
Post # 4
When you had your big honest talk…. who did most of the talking? He’s sending mixed signals and that is not cool! But you’re clearly holding a grudge about the grad program and it will only get worse. Right now, you’re upset over lack of engagement, but what happens after you’re married and he doesn’t really change? You’ll keep looking back at that dream program that you didn’t do for him.
You need to feel happy as yourself and not depend on him for happiness and feelings of self worth.
You’ve given a lot for your relationship, he needs to meet you at least halfway. Returning calls and texts in a timely manner is basic bf behavior 101.
Post # 5
I’m sorry to hear you are feeling down. We ALL have these days, and you are entitled to question your relationship at times. My fiance said for a long time “I’m just not ready” and I always took it as “you don’t want to marry me” but that wasn’t it at all. He just wasn’t ready mentally. He proposed one year after that. Guys just need time. More than we do.
As for not replying to your text messages and answering your calls, maybe he is just busy?? I’m sure he always replied eventually? My fiance works really hard when at work and can’t always talk, or text back right away but when he can he will.As long as he is excited when he does talk to you, and is happy to hear your good news (like the raise you talked about) then I think that’s good. Just be forward about what YOU want and expect.
My fiance and I were together for 2 years before he proposed, but just because you have been together for 3 years doesn’t mean anyone is more ready than the other.
Post # 6
@hottlips: I agree with Misskittykakes… I think that you need to put yourself first. It’s so easy to get swept up within a relationship and lose yourself. I’ve done it many a time. It’s not a bad thing that you want to spend more and more time with him, just make sure you’re doing what you need to do for YOU including that awesome grad program.
It might just be that he’s not ready at the moment. Proposals take a LOT of time on their part. It’s a lot of work. I”m looking forward to hearing all the details that SO is putting into our engagement after he does it. I think we often forget the amount of time it takes to plan, save money, and execute it the way they want. Even if money doesn’t seem like an issue, remember that it is HIS money he’s putting out there. Sometimes men like to buy things for themselves before they propose i.e. that bike. My SO has a pretty expensive/irritating (lol) hobby. I would always get upset when he’d buy something for his hobby- but it’s his money, I’ve recently stopped getting irritated because what’s the point? I’ve had friends have the same problems. Then you mention why he’s not spending it on a Ring or Proposal- get ready for some “it’s my money” talk on his part. Really though, you can’t blame them for that it is their money- not our money yet.
As for the not answering texts, I’d have an issue with that- but that’s just me. If it bothers you, communicate and tell him how you feel… That’s the only things will get resolved. Hope this helps! Sending you ((hugs))! We all have bad days…
Post # 7
It doesn’t sound like you two have actually had a solid talk about marriage. I think that you should – it doesn’t need to be presented as, “Hey, propose already!”, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting him know that you’d like to egt married in the next couple of years or whenever you see it happening, and asking how he feels about that.