Post # 1
Without knowing me, no one would know that I come from a very abusive divorced household, I’ve had death defying surgeries, I’ve been in a fatal car accident, I’ve lived with health issues all my life, and yet, some how, people who don’t know me put me in the category of ‘Stupid 20-something’.
I know I don’t know everything, but I sure as hell have lived through a lot in my 22 years. I’ve been married, separated, and then back together with my spouse…was that easy – absolutely not, it’s been a lot of work. But it’s worth it! My husband and I are so strong, and even when we have our weak moments, we know how much we can live through and still love in the end.
How do people see immaturity because someone is married young? My husband and I both work in IT, full time, own our home, our cars, etc., we have 2 dogs, and we live like we are 10 years older than we are. Is that wrong in some way? People are constantly saying we are too young and that it’s immature to be in a situation like this…but we live a very mature life.
I am at a crossroad with my old pre-marital life looming, and my transition into married life and being a settled woman and hopefully soon, I will be a mother. Has anyone else felt like this?
It’s just like the mantra where anyone under 40 with a cellphone is *obviously* screwing around on social media…but when you work in IT…your cellphone is your email, your conference calling medium, etc. People assume so many things, and it’s really a shame that they always assume the worst.
Post # 3
@nerdwife12: Given this is the second thread you’ve started along this same vein (first one having been deleted), I can’t help but suspect you are trying to convince yourself, more than anyone else.
Post # 4
@nerdwife12:no amount of experience makes up for brain development. Our brains don’t stop grwing and maturing until later in life. Nothing that happens to us speeds this process up.
Post # 5
@SeaSalt: No I am actually asking some serious questions in this thread
Post # 6
@andielovesj: so life experiences don’t force people to grow up and gain wisdom?
Post # 7
I’m sorry about everything you’ve been through.
You can be married, own property, have dogs and still ACT immatutre. Believe me, my sister has a husband of many years and children and she still acts like she needs help with all of it. Heck, my own mother can be sooo immature and childish sometimes.
Post # 8
How do people see immaturity because someone is married young?
When you’re 40, you’ll know.
I hear everything you’re saying about the life experiences you’ve had. It sounds like you are more mature than most 22-year-olds. You’re definitely more mature than I was when I was your age.
But there is no substitute for time. I don’t care how together you are at 22. There are some forms of wisdom and maturity that can only come with the passing of time.
No offense, but the fact that you’re defensive about the subject indicates that you’re seeking approval from others and getting rattled by negative comments you feel you’re receiving. I totally understand your frustration, but on the other hand — the fact that you’re wasting your energy in letting it get to you shows that you need to develop a thicker skin. This would fall into the category of “not sweating the small stuff”– something that also is really helpful in making a relationship go the distance. Again, something that only comes with time.
Best of luck to you. I hope I did not offend you. Just trying to point out what is obvious to me at the ripe old age of 51.
Post # 9
@nerdwife12: Not everyone, no.
Post # 10
I guess it’s just hard for most people to believe a 22-year-old can be so mature because they remember being very different when they were 22 themselves. I, for one, was a total baby!
Nevermind the comments though, everyone is different. I have a friend who graduated from law school before everyone else, got a job, got married and had a baby. Everyone admired her but she told me she sometimes regrets not having taken some time off to just enjoy being young. But it looks like your way of life works for you and that’s all that matters, right?
Post # 11
I am very inclined to agree.
Post # 12
@andielovesj: This. Not to mention that those of us who are older remember what it was like being 22, and remember how stupid we were. I was working damn near full time and in school full time, plus dealing with a shitty relationship that I was trying to get out of. I went through a lot of shit when I was younger, but I don’t talk about it because there’s no point.
Unfortunately, posting/talking about/etc. stuff like this just makes it sound like you’re trying to convince other people that you’re soooo mature/experienced/etc. Some people are more mature at x age than others–I know I was–but we still all do stupid stuff. Rather than trying to justify and tell people that you’re so mature, just…live your life.
Post # 13
@nerdwife12: I found I felt the same sorts of issues a couple of years ago (more when it comes to getting people to take me seriously work wise sometimes!). I’ve always been the youngest in any role/company I’ve worked in (not in the most junior position though, and it can be hard telling someone who is twice your age what they need to do!). I’m now 24 (almost 25) and I’ve found that those feelings have slowly but surely been ebbing away over the past couple of years.
If you believe in yourself, and that you are mature and capable, then that will be portrayed to others around you. I wouldn’t worry what others think too much – keep your head held high and keep doing what you’re doing, as you’ve obviously got a good life set up for yourself. Most of all, remember to enjoy life for you, and not for anyone else! I hope this feeling doesn’t last too long – good luck with any choices you make for the future!
Post # 14
By the time I was 22, I had also been through a hell of a lot. But I was still immature because I made bad choices. My bad choices weren’t the cause of all my problems, but they did make some of them worse.
Sometimes I feel old because of various things. But I’m not old… I’m just tired because of some of the things I’ve done with my life. Your experiences do help you to gain maturity, because we learn from experience, but it’s only in retrospect that we can see the truth about our own maturity. Ask yourself how mature you were at 22 when you are 40, and you will get a much better answer.
Post # 15
@nerdwife12: A good indication that you have actually reached a comfortable stage of maturity is that you don’t care about other people’s assumptions and you don’t seek or require valediction from others (especially strangers on the internet who can’t possibly have thoroughly informed opinions on the subject because they don’t know you intimately) on your life decisions.
I think you still have a way to go.
Post # 16
@kellym83: I am so glad to hear you say all of that! I have been the youngest in my companies since I started working in IT at 19! 🙂
Just for some clarity, this post isn’t seeking for any way to convince myself, as I know I am mature, I am asking more why people’s perceptions cloud their judgement of every 20 something. It gets old always being filed under ‘Stupid 20 Something’ and I surely don’t believe age is all it takes to mature, I know plently of people who are idiots still at 50 years old.