Post # 1
So I’ve recently reconnected with someone who I went to college with.
She is getting married in 2012 (my wedding is Sept next year). We haven’t finalized our guest list, but she (and her FI) were not on our original list.
We’ve been e-mailing about wedding stuff and recently she asked for my address. I know they have engagement parties upcoming and seeing as the address request was in conjunction with wedding talk, I assume it is wedding related.
Since we are getting married within 6 or so months of each other, would it be rude of me not to invite her (and her FI) to my wedding if I know Fiance & I will be invited to hers?
Her wedding is going to be much larger than mine and local. Mine is much smaller and quasi-destination.
What are your thoughts?
Post # 3
No, you don’t have to invite her back.
Post # 4
Definitely not. You might want to make sure that she knows yours is small in an indirect way, but that should be enough.
Post # 5
Let me add, I know technically I am not “required” to invite her, however I was more thinking that we weren’t that close and never thought she’d invite me to hers.
Our list is small and our venue can hold more (as well as our catering budget), I guess I just didn’t think of inviting her… so now I’m wondering if there are others I may have forgotten or who feel closer to me than I realize.
Post # 6
Especially if you are purposely trying for a small wedding, and they are going for a “invite everyone, including the boss’ step-daughter’s boyfriend”.
I guess in the back of your mind you should always consider that maybe you will become closer and you might really really want her at the wedding. Just something to think about.
Post # 7
I think, considering the circumstances, you are not required to invite her back. She is having a much larger wedding and yours is a more intimate one. Although this may be a potentially sticky situation, you should avoid inviting people just out of a sense of obligation. Have people at your wedding who mean the most to you as a couple.
Post # 8
Nope, no requirement at all. It’s not tit for tat, it’s your wedding and you invite whomever you please! 🙂
Post # 9
ahh i just typed up a whole long response and it disappeared for some reason! boo!
i think since you’ve been discussing weddings with her, you may want to invite her. i realized a couple months into planning that i either needed to stop talking to certain people about plans, or just go ahead and invite them. mainly coworkers who i was good friends with and who i was like, showing photographers’ blogs too, but i was worried if i invited them i’d need to invite all my coworkers…but i ended up inviting them.
but just out a reciprocity–no i don’t think you need to. your wedding is smaller, not in town, which are totally legit reasons. we didn’t invite a couple who had invited us to their wedding 8 months before ours. we’d been surprised that they invited us–we weren’t close and rarely even saw them. maybe they thought it was rude, but whatever, we never see them.
Post # 10
@finnaroo: That’s the other thing. I am only inviting 2 coworkers (who work in another department and are my good friends outside of work). However a few other coworkers are constantly asking me about wedding planning, etc.
I never bring up the subject because I wasn’t planning on inviting them (just changed departments a few months ago), but the fact that they are legitimately excited and asking me all about the wedding details makes me worry they will be upset if they aren’t invited!
ETA: All the wedding talk with this girl has also been initiated by her, via dinner invites and e-mails. I’m trying to be very careful who I talk a lot to about the wedding (hence wedding bee) since I’m not inviting “the world” to the wedding.
Post # 11
do you see yourself becoming better friends with her? do you hang out a lot? can your budget fit another couple? you definitely shouldn’t feel obligated to invite her, but you might bond a lot over wedding planning together!
Post # 12
@kitzy: I can definitely see that happening, it’s just odd to me because we’ve always been in different social circles. We had a shared club sport in college, but she was in the more popular sorority, more popular crowd, etc.
Post # 13
@finnaroo: I agree with this.
Post # 14
No you don’t have to.
I recently got invitd to a wedding from people we didn’t invite to ours. We went along and had a great night and no one felt awkward or said anything!
Post # 15
No. You invite whomever you cannot imagine the day without. Who they invite is their business and an entirely different matter that does not apply to anyone but them.