Post # 1
So I am really really confused. I always thought that a bridal shower was when you brought something for the bride and the wedding was to the couple (and if there was an engagement or couple’s shower that was for both too, obviously) but now I’m being told I’m wrong. And after my bridal shower invites went out.
First off, I’m not a gift whore nor do I care about that so much as I don’t want to get a bunch of stuff for me instead of stuff off our registry because that doesn’t seem fair to my FI.
My MOH wanted to do a lingerie shower but I’m not big into that so we came up with a spa day/make-up/pamper idea and I made a “pinterest” registry for make-up through Sephora. My mom mentioned it wasn’t what most people did but I figured that make-up was something I could enjoy more than a bunch of expensive lacy things.
Now my mom and aunt are saying that if the women invited buy me a gift (makeup oriented) that I will receive nothing off my registry for the wedding which is NOT what I had wanted. I would prefer stuff off the registry to not if that makes sense? I guess I just thought the bridal shower was to shower the bride with gifts just for her.
TLDR: if guests bring a bridal shower gift does that mean they aren’t getting a “wedding gift?”
Post # 3
@itsashleyday: From my experience, you are referring to a bachelorette party which doesn’t have to be wild and crazy. A bridal shower is for general wedding gift giving in lieu of giving gifts for wedding. If I wasn’t invited to the bridal shower then I would bring a gift to the wedding.
I’ve been a BM six times and that was my experience every time.
Post # 4
Typically you get a gift for both. I’ve never been to a bridal shower where I bought makeup for the bride…. It’s usually something off the registry.
ETA: I’ve been to a ton of bridal showers and that’s where I give the gift, and then just a check for the wedding.
Post # 5
No, tradtionally the gifts at the bridal shower are NOT just for the bride. I’d never ever heard of a lingerie or makeup shower or anything like that before the bee. A bridal shower is where you receive gifts off your registry that are typically for your home – towels, dishes, cookware, etc. The reason it’s thought of as being for the bride…well, frankly that just comes from times when women stayed at home and did all the cooking and cleaning and decorating, so even though they were gifts for the couple’s home the bride would mainly be the one using them. Most guests will bring a gift to the shower and give money at the wedding.
What your MOH is planning sounds nice…but it also doesn’t really sound like a bridal shower, my friends/family would be very confused by it. I’ve been to things like what you are describing as part of the bachelorette party where the bride wanted a spa day instead of the typical bar or club or whatever, but I’ve never seen it done for the shower.
Post # 6
I was always under the impression that the registry stays up until the wedding day. Therefore, it is open for the shower AND wedding.
My FSIL did that and we chose from that list for both occasions. That is what we are doing as well. However, we are also having a very small wedding (about 60 people) so I’m not sure what people with a large guest list do.
Post # 7
Thank god we don’t do bridal showers over here! They seem so complicated! Having said that, take my perspective with a grain of salt.
I would imagine that if you only registered for cheaper items (i.e. makeup), then they would probably still bring a gift to the wedding – if I purchased a gift from your shower registry that was only small, I would probably still bring a gift to the actual wedding. Maybe not as big a gift as originally intended, but I would still bring something.
Post # 8
@MRSsrm85: Well, it’s not the bachelorette party, as we aren’t having one of those persay, we’re having a few girls to a spa the day before the wedding which I think is why the “theme” of the bridal shower is what it is.
Well, hell. Now I’m all confused and don’t know what to do because the invites are already sent out and they mention “Make-up, Manicures, & Mimosas”
Post # 9
Bridal shower presents are usually bought off the couples registry and maybe some lingerie as well. Every wedding/shower I’ve been to the couples gets mostly presents at the shower and cards at the wedding.
Post # 10
@itsashleyday: Ok, so here’s how it works where I’m from:
Bridal Shower – Bride usually registers for kitchen and home related items. It’s meant for the couple to have stuff for the home – kitchen stuff like dishes, pots and pans, and other home stuff like towels, sheets, etc.
Wedding – either cash gifts or gifts off the registry (usually the same registry from the shower, but where I’m from, the registry stuff is purchased already by the shower, so really all that’s left is money)
Bachelorette Party – some people do this as a combo lingerie party, so people usually bring lingerie for the bride.
Now, it’s really NEVER supposed to be stuff for the bride – like makeup. Is it too late to change your pinterest to link to the stuff you actually want off your registry? Because I think it’s slightly inappropriate to register for something personal like that – something that has nothing at all to do with the wedding or a marriage.
Post # 11
You can certainly do a theme shower if you want. But in my experience, people a) give gifts at both (I don’t understand why you would only do one??) and b) shower gifts are whatever the giver wants which a lot of times is also off your registry. Most of my shower gifts were registry items. I like the make up idea. Who doesn’t want new make up! And is definitely buy you a new eyeshadow or something then also get you and your new husband a gift for your home.
Post # 12
And for the record – I always bring a gift to both. The price of the gift depends on two things – how close I am to the bride/couple and how much I assume they spent. For the shower, I usually spend around $50-75 for friends (less if they’re at home, more if they’re at a restaurant and there’s a meal provided) and around $100-200 for really close friends. I get a gift off the registry – this is for bridal and baby showers. For weddings, I usually give $200 as a couple in cash/check or $300 if I’m very close to the couple. Weddings and showers in NY are expensive though, which is where I’m from.
Post # 13
Around here, you get two gifts.
For the shower, the bride either gets a fun item from her registry (e.g. a picture frame, a vase) rather than something practical, or she gets her boxed gift.
For the wedding, depending on what was gifted during the shower, she gets either the practical gift (e.g. dishes, towels) or cash.
Since you want stuff from your registry, I would keep the spa day theme or whatever, but get rid of your makeup registry right now. If your regular registry information is already available, I’m pretty sure they’ll shop from there.
Post # 14
@LadyElva: I’m seriously kind of regretting having one now. It’s been so much stress. I think I will just change it to a normal one, too much explaining with the theme.
Post # 15
I always buy for both the shower and the wedding.
Post # 16
In my experience, the bridal shower is where the bride receives gifts that she and her fiance registered for, typically items for their home (toasters, towels, sheets, kitchen gadgets, etc).
Then usually at the wedding people bring cards, monetary gifts, and gift cards.
So I think at the bridal shower, the gift is usually from that 1 singular woman (or a few if they pitch in for a larger gift) and at the wedding the couple (or family) provide some type of monetary gift.
Of course, I’ve seen monetary gifts given at showers and material gifts given at weddings, too.