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I think ettiquette would say you do need to send the invites. I would try to get together with your old co-workers to see if you still can be friends. If you reach out to them and get no response then I wouldn't send them invitation, but some of them may still consider you a friend have just been too busy lately to keep with you as often as they would like and may have been looking forward to seeing you get married. I would put out feelers and send invites to those that ares still interested in maintaining the friendship.
Unfortunately I say send it. I got a STD from a high school friend of mine who i always considered myself close with, granted we had fallen out of touch recently but it's kind of one of those friendships where we're still friends, you know? If I'd never gotten a STD I wouldn't be too upset that I wasn't invited to the wedding, I'd have understood. But, I got one, and never got an invite, and it's just in poor taste, I think. I almost planned a flight home around his wedding...so glad I didn't!
I disagree. I had my STD's with me last year when I was working on a project out of town with several collegues at my current company that work all over the country. One night at dinner, they were asking me about wedding planning and I whipped the STD's out of my purse and when they commented on how cute they were I told them they could keep it. Now, 9 months later, I'm not going to send an invite to these people and have them feel an obligation to come from Canada and Arizona and the various other places that they're from or feel obligated to send a gift, especially since I've had such limited contact with them since the project finished.
I think in your case since you're no longer with company A (I did that too - left my old job, they all knew I was getting married (although none recieved STD's) - but I'm not inviting any of them since we never talk anymore) and you don't really have a relationship anymore, you shouldn't feel obligated to invite them. Unless you'll need that bridge at a later date, I wouldn't push your guest list budget.
Etiquette wise you do have to send the invitation. From what you've described I would imagine none or a very small amount of them will actually respond with a yes so I wouldn't worry about them actually showing up.
I have a few friends I've lost touch with that if I was creating my guest list right this moment I wouldn't send them a save the date. But that's not the case so they get an invite. Who knows maybe it will help rekindle the friendship.
What about sending them invitations and setting a very early RSVP deadline. That way you'll know who's in and who's out right away and can make other plans.
Yes, if you gave them an STD you have to send an invitation. Only if something extraordinary happens (like someone loses their job and you've had to scale down the wedding from 200 people to 50 guests) should you take back your request to save the date. And even so, you would call and grovel and explain the whole sad situation to them individually.
Even though you don't work for the company any more, if you stay in the area or in your particular industry, you may run across these folks professionally in the future. You don't want to be thought of as the flaky, rude person who promised them an invitation to her wedding and them forgot to invite them. Who knows, maybe one or two of them will attend and you can reconnect professionally? Maybe they will serve as a reference in the future or point you to companies that are hiring the next time you are job hunting?
A lesson to newly engaged brides-- don't send an STD to everyone you may potentially invite. Only send an STD to people you definitely want to be there. That way you can decide on which co-workers or acquaintences to invite closer to the time.
You should definitely send them invitations. Anyone who got an std will assume they are still invite and might show up--you would have no way of getting a head count on those who don't get invites. Plus, I really think it's rude not to send invites to people who got stds unless in extreme circumstances.
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You have to invite them because you have already asked them to save the date for you. What if they were also invited to another event on the same day, but declined because they had saved the date for your wedding? That would be inconsiderate to not invite them.
I am in agreement with the other posters that you need to follow up each of your save-the-dates with an invitation. Otherwise, a guest who has saved your date and made plans to attend your wedding will be left confused and possibly hurt.
Save-the-dates are tricky, especially when it comes to inviting co-workers in this economy. It is highly possible that between the time you send out your STD and invite that you or a co-worker could lose or change your job. I have learned after-the-fact that it is important to only send out STDs to those co-workers who you have a close, personal relationship with outside of work. Though, like you said, even those relationships can fade when you no longer have a job in common.
I am willing to bet that just as you are wondering if you should invite your former co-workers, that they will be wondering if they will receive an invite from you or if they should come if they do. The best thing you can do is to invite them, and those who really want to be there will go. Maybe you'll rekindle an old friendship or two. And don't worry about what they will think. You are just doing the right thing, and no one can blame you for that!
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save the date = invite.
send them and put the ball in their court. They may not choose to come, but I would find it rude to receive a save the date and no invite.
I think to follow etiquette you must send an invite, but I'm actually going to say forget etiquette this time. Sure, you should send an invite, but if you're never really going to have contact with these people again (and make sure you're not damaging your career/reputation by doing this... it really depends on what you do for a living), I'd say drop 'em. ;)
This is why my Save the Date distribution list is INCREDIBLY small!
I wouldn't send the invitation. Etiquette or no etiquette, sometimes you just have to throw that crap aside!! ESPECIALLY if you've tried to contact them and have had a limited response. A REAL friend would WANT to be there.
Co-workers are just co-workers unless you've really become close in some way. So if your wedding is something that you want to be shared with people that have a special place in your heart, then make it just that. In the end, do they really matter if they are not an essential part of your life in some way?
Just MY thought.
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I am going with the "don't send an invite" camp. It may not be the proper thing to do ettiquitte wise but it sounds like you have reached out to them and you just don't feel as close to them as you used to, and I think it's ok to not send one.
Additionally, if I were working with someone who sent me a save the date and then left the company, I would probably not attend their wedding even if given an invitation. It would probably feel way too awkward imo.
You sent STD to people well in advance, to make sure they didn't book anything else for that date. So you're under the same social obligation to honor that. What if they made arrangements, or cancelled a family vacation, or turned down Kenny Chesney tickets, just to go to your wedding, and don't get invited?
You can't just send an STD to tell people to make sure they reserve a date on their calendar, for some crazy time in the future they won't know what's going on. But basically tell them, "I want you to keep the date open for me. But I may or may not keep it open for you."
If they are your friend they'll come. It's natural not to see some of these people that often anymore. You're not longer working with them. Maybe they're busy and are just looking forward to seeing you at your wedding. If they are really your friends, then they'll just decline, and you won't have to worry about it.
Why spend money on people you will never see or hear from again on the most important day of your life?? Although it might be awkward, but don't invite them. I would work my way out of that one QUICK!
This is why STDs are so darned tricky! If you send them out to a select 'core' group of people, you worry that people who got an invite but no STD will suspect they were on the "B" list (this has happened to me before, ha ha!) If you make the STD list all-inclusive, you risk issues like this.
Honestly, I do think you should send an invitation at this point, for the reasons everyone has outlined above. Also, if you sent a STD but no invite you are essentially 'un-inviting' them to the wedding. Granted, that may occasionally be called for with guests, but it sounds like in this situation they haven't done anything to merit being uninvited.
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I really like July08bridetobe's response, thats a creative way to sort of "get out of it" I also agree with some other posters that I doubt they will come if they arent really reaching out otherwise.
I worked with a girl when she got engaged last year and was there for all the early discussion on her plans, so it made sense at the time that myself and some other coworkers were given save the dates for her wedding. Since then, however, we drifted apart and I never talk to her ... so when the invite came, I respectfully declined. Maybe it's because I'm engaged too and I know how much these things cost .... but I think others would do the same!
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Thanks for all of the comments hive - I appreciate it so much :) After seeing everyone's thoughts and opinions, I think I have to follow through and send an invitation to these people. Perhaps they'll decline, but at least I will have been the stand up gal and sent the invite and hopefully if they do decide to attend it will spark up our friendship again! I think I knew in my heart I needed to send the invitations, but my budget was saying not to! Just needed to hear yall's thoughts. THANK YOU ALL :-D
keep us posted I am curious
I did the same; I sent out STD to about 16 local friends and sent out all the invitations the same time except for one friend who found out from another friend; sent hers later she got offended and declined
oh well, shes so iffy thats why I hesitated and she got offended
cant please everyone; tough one
Only don't invite them if you are prepared to cut all ties with them for the rest of your life. It's just bad etiquitte and if that happened to me I'd be a little miffed.
One thing you can try is to call or email each of them individually and explain that your wedding has to be smaller than you originally thought and you would love for them to come, but unfortunately can only now invite family and close friends. Tell them that you've noticed a little falling out of touch lately and you'd love to get together for a drink or dinner sometime soon. It's still a little rude, but a lot more excusable than just not sending the invite.
I think you still need to send them invitations. If you haven't kept in touch, chances are that they're not going to make the effort to come, unless you were extremely close. I just can't see myself getting all gussied up for the wedding of someone I don't even talk to anymore. Also, I don't think I'd want to fork out the money for the same event.
Oops! I hope I didn't sound like your wedding wasn't important. I only meant that these people probably won't come.
I think send the save the date. If they feel you were just a "work friend" then they will respectfully decline. But, if they accept, it's an opportunity to rekindle the friendship. If you liked them enough to send a STD, then you will be happy to see them again at the wedding.
I have some work friends with the same dilema and I am still going to send the invite and see what happens. People get it. They know it's expensive. So if they do come, hopefully they will give you a nice gift and all of their best wishes!
I think you should send the invite as well. However, I doubt if the people will come. Perhaps you could send an email message or something like: "My invitations are finalized and I need to verify your address to send them." If they don't answer, then don't invite them, you didn't have their address 
. That way you are able to cut out the improper etiquette and put the ball in their court. If they do respond though, definitely send them an invite and just look forward to another face and gift at your wedding.
If you told them to save the date, then you should follow with an invitation. Since you are no longer in contact, it's unlikely that they will come. If they make the effort to come, maybe you will reconnect. It can be akward to keep in touch after seeing each other nearly every day, then not at all. Most likely they were just co-worker friends, and nothing will come of it, but you have an obligation to send them an invitation and follow through on your end.
If your concern is not money and you feel bad about not inviting them I would send them the invitation. In my personal case I wouldn't invite them, just because like you said it is people you don't talk to anymore and haven't had any success trying to keep a relationship going even after you left company A. Just my $.02
I say if you send them save the dates, you should also send invites and on that note: I need to take my own advice.
This is why I didn't send any STDs to coworkers, and I am so grateful. I was laid off from my old company in May and have no interest in inviting them to the wedding now.
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While sending out our save the dates (which went eariler than usual, because we have a lot of out of town family) I was working with company A. I was friends with a good number of people there and felt like I should invite them and their families/guests to our wedding. Well, since the Save the Date went out I left company A for a new job at company B. I thought I had developed real friendships with people at company A, but since I left about 4 months ago I haven't spoken to anyone there. I've sent an email or two, facebook messages and a couple of calls with limited response. It seems we were co-worker friends not real like friends (which I'm ok with!) But now we are about to mail out invitations to our wedding in September and I don't know how I feel about inviting 20 extra people that I'm not really in touch with anymore.
So hive, if someone received a Save The Date, is it rude not to send an invitation? Also, do you think if they got a Save The Date, but don't get an invitation, they'll still show up? The Save the Date had our date and location on it.
Thoughts please :) I don't want to be rude and I suppose our theme is the more the merrier, but it seems odd to have people at our wedding who I haven't spoken to in 6 months, right?