Post # 1
A good friend of mine recently discussed her own “fork in the road of life” with me and is considering making some pretty big decisions. She’s a really great person, very stable, with a good job and a great extended family. The thing is that she’s always kinda been unlucky in love. She’s come close but never quite found the one guy that she could see marrying and having a family of her own. Now that she’s in her late 30’s, she’s considering having a child on her own.
Years ago (after a particular breakup when I hadn’t met my husband yet) this had come up with me as well. Its sort of a “If all the other aspects of my life are going well and I have enough love, support, and money to raise a child on my own, would I do it if I didn’t find that “right guy” to share the experience with me?”
My own opinion is that great families come in all shapes and sizes and knowing her the way I do, I think she’s be a great mom. But I guess I’m just curious whether anyone else has considered this route? If so, any advice I could pass along to my friend about your experience would be great.
Post # 3
Isn’t there a movie about this with Jennifer Lopez? I beleive I watched it on an airplane recently but don’t remember the title.
Honestly I always thought that if I did not find someone amazing by the time I was 30 I would be a foster parent and maybe adopt a few kids of my own becuase I am in a good spot in life with a home and a job to support them. However I have always been uneasy with the whole random sperm donor idea. I know adopting is totally different than having a child of your own, but there are so many kids out there that need kind, loving, supportive homes If you are going to take a shot in the dark at genetics why not go that way? Just my thought I don’t know if that helps.
Post # 4
I’ve thought about it but I don’t think I could do it…if I had the means, I’d probably adopt, but I wouldn’t get pregnant on my own. I grew up in a single parent family, and while my mom was/is a great mother (also with a great extended family), I always felt and will always have a void in my life because of my absent father. I know that a lot of my issues stem from having a shitty father (as opposed to having no father), but…I always felt a pang when I saw other people enjoying great relationships with their dads. So I wouldn’t want to do that to someone.
And of course, I feel that I’d enjoy parenthood much more with a teammate – but that’s a personal preference.
Post # 5
I would consider having a child on my own, probably adopting if I could afford it, if I was of a certain age. It’s certainly ideal to have two parents but that doesn’t mean one isn’t perfectly capable of raising a child on their own if that is what they want to do. And its not like once you have a baby on your own you will never ever find a partner. (although it might be a little more difficult!)
Post # 6
Having raised a child on my own (not by choice) I certainly would not do it. It’s really really really hard.
Post # 7
@globalmargaret: Yeah I hear ya on the random sperm donor thing. I had also suggested foster parenting to her as well. She said that she had considered it but is too worried about fostering a child that may eventually go back to a bad home. For example if the birth parent had chronic issues, she’d hate to see a child getting put back into that
@ChicFoodist: ; @MsJ2theZ: Thanks for your posts. Yes I think adoption is also something she’s considering as well. If my husband and I decide to take this route, I offered to pass along as much information as I can to her because apparently it can be quite a process.
@irin997: Thanks for your post too. If you don’t mind, what would say were the hardest parts of it compared to having a partner helping you?
Post # 8
the sister of a girl i know did it. she was a certain age and wanted kids.
she got triplets. as far as i know she was very happy with her choice.
i am not in touch with this girl anymore. the kids are probably about 8 years old now.
Post # 9
I’ve thought about this before as I know a few people who are single parents by choice. I would be into it if I lived in the UK (I currently do but I’m American) or Canada where I would have guaranteed maternity leave, job security, subsidized childcare and health coverage. But not in the US where my chosen career barely pays for childcare, my previous company was too small to have to give maternity leave and I’ve seen them replace women who chose to stay out longer than 6 weeks, and healthcare is so so so expensive. But, I mean, in this alternate universe maybe I’m also making 6 figures and can afford a nanny? In general I don’t have a problem with it as long as you have the mental and financial resources to devote to your child!
Post # 10
I wouldn’t. I wanted kids with DH, but I would have been happy without them had getting pregnant not worked out. I just don’t see myself wanting kids on my own. Maybe if I made tons of $$ a year and could afford help and anything I wanted, otherwise probably not.
Some people have stronger desires to have children than I do though, so I don’t care what anyone else does. If you have the means to and want to, go for it!
Post # 11
@pickledplum: I live in the UK with all those things and I am grateful for them every day!
Despite that that though, I wouldn’t do alone again. It was and is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, emotionally far more than practically. Even now, when my daughter is 8, I second guess myself over every single thing. Just this morning I was swithering over whether or not I needed to take her to the doctor, and not having anyone around to back me up or validate my decision made it twice as hard.
Post # 12
I think I would adopt, because it would be very hard for me to go through pregnancy without a partner.
Post # 13
I don’t think I would. I want kids, but not for the sake of having kids. I want a family, and my SO is the reason I’m so excited about having kids. He is going to be the most amazing dad, and I want that family life with him. My desire for motherhood is not strong enough to go through it without a loving partner.
Post # 14
@globalmargaret: Yes, I love that movie!
@Sharebear: I’d do it (if I had a good job, anyways.) I love kids and would want them regardless of if I have someone or not. Seeing as how she has a good job, and plenty of family to help out, it seems like she’d be okay.
Post # 15
Yes. I wouldn’t let being single be the one thing preventing me from having a child. Lots of other factors would have to be considered of course.