If things were different….would you have a child on your own?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1785 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Isn’t there a movie about this with Jennifer Lopez? I beleive I watched it on an airplane recently but don’t remember the title. 

Honestly I always thought that if I did not find someone amazing by the time I was 30 I would be a foster parent and maybe adopt a few kids of my own becuase I am in a good spot in life with a home and a job to support them. However I have always been uneasy with the whole random sperm donor idea. I know adopting is totally different than having a child of your own, but there are so many kids out there that need kind, loving, supportive homes If you are going to take a shot in the dark at genetics why not go that way? Just my thought I don’t know if that helps. 

Post # 4
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve thought about it but I don’t think I could do it…if I had the means, I’d probably adopt, but I wouldn’t get pregnant on my own.  I grew up in a single parent family, and while my mom was/is a great mother (also with a great extended family), I always felt and will always have a void in my life because of my absent father.  I know that a lot of my issues stem from having a shitty father (as opposed to having no father), but…I always felt a pang when I saw other people enjoying great relationships with their dads.  So I wouldn’t want to do that to someone. 

And of course, I feel that I’d enjoy parenthood much more with a teammate – but that’s a personal preference.

Post # 5
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would consider having a child on my own, probably adopting if I could afford it, if I was of a certain age. It’s certainly ideal to have two parents but that doesn’t mean one isn’t perfectly capable of raising a child on their own if that is what they want to do. And its not like once you have a baby on your own you will never ever find a partner. (although it might be a little more difficult!)

Post # 6
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Having raised a child on my own (not by choice) I certainly would not do it.  It’s really really really hard.

Post # 8
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

the sister of a girl i know did it.  she was a certain age and wanted kids. 

she got triplets. as far as i know she was very happy with her choice.

i am not in touch with this girl anymore.  the kids are probably about 8 years old now.

 

Post # 9
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’ve thought about this before as I know a few people who are single parents by choice. I would be into it if I lived in the UK (I currently do but I’m American) or Canada where I would have guaranteed maternity leave, job security, subsidized childcare and health coverage. But not in the US where my chosen career barely pays for childcare, my previous company was too small to have to give maternity leave and I’ve seen them replace women who chose to stay out longer than 6 weeks, and healthcare is so so so expensive. But, I mean, in this alternate universe maybe I’m also making 6 figures and can afford a nanny? In general I don’t have a problem with it as long as you have the mental and financial resources to devote to your child!

Post # 10
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldn’t.  I wanted kids with DH, but I would have been happy without them had getting pregnant not worked out.  I just don’t see myself wanting kids on my own.  Maybe if I made tons of $$ a year and could afford help and anything I wanted, otherwise probably not.

Some people have stronger desires to have children than I do though, so I don’t care what anyone else does.  If you have the means to and want to, go for it!

Post # 11
Member
291 posts
Helper bee

@pickledplum:  I live in the UK with all those things and I am grateful for them every day! 

Despite that that though, I wouldn’t do alone again. It was and is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, emotionally far more than practically. Even now, when my daughter is 8, I second guess myself over every single thing. Just this morning I was swithering over whether or not I needed to take her to the doctor, and not having anyone around to back me up or validate my decision made it twice as hard. 

Post # 12
welliesMember
1425 posts
Bumble bee

I think I would adopt, because it would be very hard for me to go through pregnancy without a partner.

Post # 13
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think I would. I want kids, but not for the sake of having kids. I want a family, and my SO is the reason I’m so excited about having kids. He is going to be the most amazing dad, and I want that family life with him. My desire for motherhood is not strong enough to go through it without a loving partner.

Post # 14
Member
8518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

@globalmargaret:  Yes, I love that movie!

 

@Sharebear:  I’d do it (if I had a good job, anyways.) I love kids and would want them regardless of if I have someone or not. Seeing as how she has a good job, and plenty of family to help out, it seems like she’d be okay.  

Post # 15
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes. I wouldn’t let being single be the one thing preventing me from having a child.  Lots of other factors would have to be considered of course.

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