Post # 1
My fiance and I have been engaged for about 6 months now and would like to get married this spring. We are not extremely social people so we don’t really want a BIG wedding. Also, money is VERY tight and he is not close to his family. SO, we had concidered eloping as a strong possibilty. However, I want a dress and he wants a suit and we want a photographer and music. So, there is some planning going on of course and we are paying for everything ourselves. Do we tell our famlies we are eloping or do we tell them after we are married? Also, do we tell other people of our plans? And finally, my mother wants me to use my sister’s veil (which is handmade and very pretty) but I am torn… I feel like it would be wrong to use the veil and not invite them…please help!
Post # 2
You can do whatever you want. Google ‘planned elopement’ or ‘elopement packages’ for ideas. You can still have all the ‘wedding’ things you like, but just the two of you (though some places legally require 2 witnesses). Lots of people go on a ‘weddingmoon’ where they pop off to somewhere beautiful, get married in all their finery and then honeymoon. http://blog.alpineimages.co.nz/category/elopement-wedding/ There are lots of elopement weddings in this link and they were are planned in advance. Whether or not you tell family first is up to you. Do you think they would react better if you told them before or after? Whichever causes less drama. They might feel upset if you go and don’t tell them. Don’t let them pressure you into a wedding you don’t want 🙂
Post # 3
We are eloping and are not telling anyone when or where. I am not wearing any type of wedding wear and neither is he. I don’t know if I will even have a bouquet or not. We’re just going to City Hall when the mood strikes us. To me, that is an elopement. No planning invovled … just running off like an elopement is supposed to be!
Post # 4
roser443: You sound a like us. We are eloping, everybody knows. At first, they had issues they aren’t invited, I joked (kind of) that everybody can’t get together and have a party without us and bitch about if they want to. Everybody has now come on board and realized, that for us, this was really the only option. I am doing the dress, the hair, the makeup, the photographer (but not a good one, I’ll admit, but there will be pictures), the sand ceremony, everything that I want to do. We are putting together the music right now. It’s your wedding. If you want the whole thing but just have it be the two of you, that’s between the two of you. My FI mom gave him these wonderful words of wisdom, “make sure she doesn’t miss out on any of the bride experience just because it’s going to be the two of you.” AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO. I never, even as a little girl, wanted a wedding. But I have had so much fun getting ready for this one that I found out that I did have a dream wedding, it was just not the traditional version of a wedding.We are making pictures books for people when we return.
I would talk to your mom. If she’s okay with it, I would totally use the veil. Just because she’s not there does not change the fact that you are getting married, making this commitment, and taking this step in life. It just means that the two of you have decided to make it about the two of you.
Post # 5
roser443: I am eloping and it is a planned elopement. We are going away and it will only be FI and myself. A few people know but most don’t. We plan on sending out we eloped cards when we return. We are both wearing wedding attire and I will have a bouquet. There will also be a photographer. I think it would be awesome to wear your sisters veil, it can be your something borrowed 🙂 don’t stress yourself out, especially about telling others until you are ready. Remember your wedding should be about the two of you.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
roser443: If you truly want it to be a private affair for just the two of you then it’s better to just run away and elope without telling anyone. Once you start telling people you know of your plans to elope you opwn yourselves up to being criticized and guilted into having a bigger wedding including your friends and family. You can send out announcements when you get back home if you’re worried about how to tell people.
Post # 7
If you tell everyone your plans, you’re not eloping, you’re having a private ceremony.
Post # 8
Oh thank you all SOOOOO much!!! I can’t tell you how alone I have felt the last few weeks with everything going on. Kind of felt like I had no one to talk to, to ask for advice or anything. I feel so much better now. God Bless you all! 🙂
Post # 9
We decided to get married at the end of January and we are getting married next Friday!!! EEEEKK…. Anyway – nobody knows well we do, my cousin and her husband who are our witnesses and 2 of our friends. We will tell our mums over dinner on Monday and then our wee boy on Tuesday night – we are heading off Wednesday morning and he’s rubbish at keeping secrets! ha ha.
I’ve got a wedding dress – It’s probably not what everyone would want – it’s a 50’s style tea dress. Even if we were having a big wedding I’d want a tea dress. I’m getting my hair and make up done. I’m getting flowers. My partner is wearing a kilt so is my wee boy. We are having a photographer and a lovely meal in the evening.
And then we are having a party in the middle of May with food, a cake, favours etc.
So basically what I’m saying is………..DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!
Sod everyone else and if you want to elope then just do it. You will upset people no matter what you do.
Post # 10
roser443: If you’re worried about semantics (well, we’re eloping so you’re NOT supposed to tell people), then don’t worry about that. Perhaps private wedding is just a more general term and then people don’t have to think about “rules” or any preconceived notions.
You can tell people if you want. You can keep it a secret and tell them afterwards if you want. Either is fine.
I did not keep mine a secret. Anyone who asked me I told them what we were doing with great excitement. I did try to keep my talking about it to a minimum if people did not ask me.
We had a full wedding planned at one point and cancelled it due to my father’s impending death. I emailed close friends who were invited to the previous wedding what our plans were. I’m sure they just wanted an update on what we were doing (or if we were going to do a wedding again where they were invited, etc).
We eloped with two witnesses (H’s parents). If they had not gone, it would have been the wedding planner and the photographer as the witnesses. I wore a wedding gown, H wore a suit. We had a photographer. We did not have music, but we would have if there were any uilleann pipe player within a 100 mile radius. There were not! I wanted uilleann pipes for my Irish background.
Using your sister’s veil would mean she is there in spirit on your wedding day.
Post # 11
Well, we have decided that a private ceremony with just the two of us, a minister and a photographer is the way to go. I will not be using my sister’s veil because I have tried to talk to my mother about our choice and she has just cried and tried to guilt trip me. We have been staying at their house for a few weeks while we build our own home…needless to say she used this as ammunition for guilt tripping. “We should get to come since you guys have beens taying here.” WHAAAAATTTT???!!!! That is NOT what my wedding should be about! I am sad that she thinks this way but after several frustrating and unproductive conversations it seems she will not be swayed. I know it will initially hurt everyone’s feelings but if they TRULY are happy for me then they will get over it. I MUST do what is best for ME and MY FIANCE!!! This is OUR day and we want to remember it for all the RIGHT reasons!
Post # 12
Good for you! Don’t let anyone guilt you into something you don’t want. We’re having a destination wedding and I’m prepared for the attempted guilting to occur however everyone we’ve told about it so far is excited.
Post # 13
- Wedding: The Valley of fire / Las Vegas
We’re also ‘eloping’, but we have told almost everyone that was interested in our wedding plans. The both of us feel it’s a huge amount of money to spend on one day, so we decided to get married abroad, just outside of Las Vegas (We’re from the Netherlands). Most people have reacted positively, but our parents are sort of dissapointed not to be part of a ‘proper’ wedding. When we get back from our ‘weddingmoon’ we’re taking our closest relatives out for a meal to celebrate. 🙂
In the end, what really matters is that you get married in a way that suits you. Yes, people will be hurt with you eloping, but I’m sure some would be hurt in a different way if you’d be having a lavish wedding. You can’t please everyone, so you might as well please yourselfs! People who truely love and care for you will accept your decision.
Post # 14
We eloped on yesterday and it was everything we wanted…the day was about us and in the end that’s what matters…don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty about your happiness, it’s your day…we did a wedding ceremony on the beach, photographer and wedding attire included but it was just US and it was AMAZING…everyone will have their opinions and there may be disappointments but be at peace with your decision and what your definition of a perfect wedding day is
Post # 15
this is a question ive wondered for quite some time and i think itll just boil down to how much stress youd like to have before the wedding vs after. if you tell people about the elopement before it happens youll most likely run across some naysayers who will try to manipulate you into going the more traditional route. if you wait til after youll likely have to deal with disappointment from the people who feel slighted that they hadnt been included in the whole ordeal. either way someone is bound to be unhappy so you might as well go the route that feels better for you and your FI.
my compromise if i go this route will be hiring the best photographer and videographer i can afford. i want a private wedding focusing specifically on me and my partner, but id still like friends and family to feel like their absence was counted. i think beautiful documentation can go a long way for that.