(Closed) If we’re married, does that mean we have to live together?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I was worried about this when I moved in with FH, but it’s not really as bad as you’d think. We had our periods of snappiness, but that was during the adjustment phase. Expect to have about a month of some mild tension as you two get used to being around each other 24/7…but I assure you, it’s not that bad! You learn to live with the other person and love his/her little quirks.

Post # 4
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@des_salazar: “I partake in my ‘secret single behavior.’ “

Whaaaaaaaaat is that?

Post # 5
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

make sure you schedule “me time”..and don’t lose your time with the girls, and he shouldn’t lose that time with the guys.  It’s really important.  I had a hard time moving in with my FI away from my parents, but we’ve learned to give each other our own time when it’s needed.  Everything will work out.

Post # 6
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m an only child. I had a much harder time adjusting to my first roommate than moving in with my fiance. With my first roommate, there was the awkwardness of sharing a space with someone I barely knew. I’d wake up in the morning and not know if I could go out into the main area in my pajamas, or if she had friends over. I didn’t feel comfortable knocking on the bathroom door if I had to get in there, because I didn’t know if it was my roommate or her boyfriend hogging it. 

It’s much more comfortable and laid back with my fiance. Then again, we indulge in all our previous “single” behaviors together and have a policy of only slight mocking allowed. 😉

ETA – to this day we still live in a 600 sq ft 1 bedroom apartment. It’s more than enough space for us. It’s the bedroom that’s crucial; a studio would be too small.  

Post # 8
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have been living with my fi for a year now…but before that i had 3 roommates that also ended badly…even one of them went to jail for assault on me…anyhoo i think it will be different with your fi…just have to remember you will need your own space just like he will need his…. have an extra bedroom if you can that way you can have a room where one or the other can escape to. my fi and i have a house and he works from home and soon i will be working from home full time but i have the “guest bedroom/My office” all to myself that he doesnt bother me in if i am in there with the door shut…unless of course if there is an emergency. We even have a chore chart that way we dont fight over who does what in the house (i clean the inside and he handles the outside and we switch off doing the dishes) Good luck to you!!! 

Post # 9
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I was worried about that when my husband and I bought a place together but you get used to it.  It takes some adjustment, but you can do it!  Make sure that you have your own private space to do your own alone time stuff.

PS – I’m an only child and lived in my own apartment during college.  My husband slept over on the weekends though.

Post # 12
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I hated any roommates I had in college, so for the last 4 years I lived alone, and dreaded having to live with anyone else every again. Until I met my hubby, I couldn’t wait to live with him! He had surgery which kept him home a little over two months, and I don’t work, so we literally spent 24/7 together, and didn’t get sick of each other. If you feel you want some space, you could always go to starbucks or on a walk or something. And I agree with lilyfaith, my hubby and I partake in all of our weird single person behaviors together. If I feel like stuffing my face with ice cream and watching a chick flick, he’s right there with me.

Post # 13
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

FI/DH is so different from a roommate. I was honestly worried about this too. I loooooooooved living alone, and always had issues with roommates. But moving in with FI was way way easier than I thought it would be. I expected that I would spend at least a night or two a week hiding in my sewing room to get a little “alone time” but in a strange turn of events I actually can’t get enough of hanging out with him! Not that we haven’t had our little tiffs and adjustment period, but over all I’d say that living with him has been WAY better than I ever expected it to be. 

Post # 14
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Even though your going to move in together doesnt mean you will spend every second together, you still go out to work/school and still do separate things even when you are both home together. I doubt you will get tired of each other,

Post # 15
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that is the hardest part for some people. I understand that your hesitent because you have always lived by yourself but you need to give it a try! It could be the best thing that has happened for the two of you! Yes your are going to fight and not have your own place to run to but that is what marriage is about to.. even when you fight you are with each other and have to sort things out together.

You just have to be patient with each other and communicate with things that bother  you. The best advice that we were given from other married family members was the “It is not about you anymore” If you live by that, with the other person’s feelings in mind and really both work together and are considerate to each other you will be fine. and you both have to have boundaries like @futrueharp mentioned. MY husband goes into the bedroom to study and i have to be respectful to not interrupt him! 

@lilyfaith we tease that if we can live in our 700 sq ft apt together with one tv and one bathroom than we can def. make it!  😉

Post # 16
Member
6714 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@des_salazar:

You are soooo not alone!  Not only am I an only child, I am much older than most of you guys & thus really set in my ways.  I LOVE living alone.  My prior relationship have been much shorter than this one.

Luckily, FH is very adaptable & by now (6 yrs), we are pretty used to each other.  And my house is fairly large.  We will have mutli dog issues, however.  But, we know how to deal with it.

I work from my home office so I’ll have plenty of alone time while FH is at work.  I think the biggest thing we have going for us is time–we know each other pretty well now.

 

 

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