Post # 1
hi everyone! this is my first post, and its an important one!! We sent out our save the dates well in advance because almost every single person coming to our wedding is atleast 12 hours away. so we wanted them to be able to plan in advance plus a lot have kids. anyway back to my point… i mailed a save the date to my step sister, and even though we barely talk i figured we would invite her since she is family. long story short she is a mess, like dui’s, ruining relationships left and right, always drunk, etc. her exboyfriend is the best man, so we talked it over and decided not to invite her.. is it okay to do that since we already mailed her a save the date?
sorry this is so detailed, i wanted people to know the full story so i dont come off as a bridezilla.
Post # 3
No! If you sent them the save the date, that was already a promise to expect an invitation, you have to send an invite.
Post # 4
Generally when you send someone a save the date you definitely have to send them an invite.
Post # 5
I understand that sending a save the date is a placeholder for people to arrange and plan around the event, but it’s still not an invitation, and you just aren’t invited to anything until you receive a formal invitation.
Besides, if her life is the booze fueled mess you describe, odds are good that she’ll won’t notice anway,
I’m a fairly upstanding and responsible person, unless I was quite close to the couple in question, and didn’t get an invitation after a send the date, I probably wouldn’t notice either.
Post # 6
Nope, you sent her a save-the-date so if you follow proper etiquette you do have to invite her. Not only that, she is a family member and I think if you uninvite a family member then you are probably going to experience some drama, especially if she is as unstable as you have described her.
Post # 7
NO! This is why we aren’t sending them. Because i dont want to finalize my guest list so far in advance of the wedding.
Post # 8
@mrsrecon: I think b/c of the circumstances you are fine– things happen and change all the time.
Post # 9
It depends on your relationship with her. If you are going to see her, and her parent(s) often then it might become awkward if you don’t invite her. However, if you have absolutely nothing to do with her I guess you could just not invite her, especially if everyone else in your family doesn’t mind?
Post # 10
@mrsrecon: I think you can do whatever you want 🙂
In this situation, I would say you shouldn’t invite her.
Post # 11
Save the date means “You’re invited”, not “you may or may not be invted”. It is rude to send someone a save the date and then not invite them. My guess is that her not being invited will cause more drama than if she were invited.
Post # 12
Nope, this is not OK. The save the date mailing list IS the invite list.
Post # 13
Nope, sorry. While I understand why you don’t want to invite her, a STD = invite so it would be extremely rude to not invite her. Since she’s family, I would worry about all of the drama that would result in you uninviting her.
Post # 14
It’s rude to send someone a save the date and then not invite them!
HOWEVER, it’s also rude to invite someone to the party who, from how you described it, will probably be an embarrassment to herself, be rude to people, or possibly damage something. Would it be ruder to not invite this woman, or to put your guests through having to deal with her? Only you can decide that.
Post # 15
You don’t have to, but you should expect backlash from that decision. It is rude to not send the invitation after a std has been sent. If she’s your step-sister, the step-parent may wonder why their kid wasn’t invited as well, and she probably will know it’s happening. Your call, but her problems existed when you were sending save the dates. You probably should have just not sent her one in the first place.
Post # 16
You have to invite her but….you could send it about 1 week before the wedding and hope she doesnt come.