Post # 1
This is a totally theoretical question, but I thought it would make an interesting discussion! If you have a not-so-great relationship with either your parents or your SO’s parents, do you believe the parents are entitled to know that a grandbaby is on the way?
This topic was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by MKWeddingBee.
Post # 2
I think that even with a poor relationship with your parents or in-laws, it’s best to let them know. Firstly, it’s the polite thing to do, obviously. Second off, it’ll avoid drama down the road (WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?! etc.) If they’ve got nothing nice to say about your pregnancy, then that’s when they can bugger off and mind their own business. You did your part, as far as I’m concerned!
Post # 3
I don’t have a good relationship with my father but I did tell him. I didn’t tell him when my son was born but I did tell him that I was expecting. I figure he will find out anyways so why not?
Post # 4
MKWeddingBee: I think it would depend on the situation. If you weren’t close to the grandparents for a really awful reason (like an abusive past or the like) and didn’t feel comfortable having them in the child’s life then I don’t think you’re obliged to. If it was simply because you don’t get along with them then yes you should probably tell them, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be right away.
Post # 5
No children yet, but I’d expect to tell my mum and SOs parents.
I have no relationship with my dad so I won’t be telling him personally. He can find out through friends and family, or not at all. It makes no difference to me, I don’t care aobut his opinion and he isn’t going to be involved so why bother myself having a difficult discusion (assuming he would even take my call?).
Post # 6
We won’t be telling FIs mum. I have never met her. He never sees her anymore or talks to her. We didn’t tell her about our engagement either. She was very abusive to her. I definitely don’t think anyone should HAVE to tell their parents anything.
Post # 7
I think it depends. I mean, if you’re going to see or talk to your parents, then you’re going to need to tell them eventually. If you have no relationship with them, no. We no longer speak to DH’s mum and we wouldn’t tell her anything about our lives.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
You don’t have to tell parents anything. No one is entitled to information about your life, your health, and your body. As to whether or not that’s a good idea … it really depends on the nature of the relationship. Are you not speaking? Is it for something fairly minor (e.g a fight over wedding plannig) or something big (e.g. abuse)? They’ll likely find out eventually anyway, so to prevent further damage, it may be best coming from the actual pregnant person or her partner. But I’m a big believer in keeping toxic people out of your life and refusing them their manipulative power. DH and I never contacted his parents after we got married, although they definitely heard the news from someone eventually.
Post # 9
I think depending on how the relationship between the parents or in laws is, thats how soon or late you tell em. I think you should let em know out of respect but how soon you let em know depends on the relationship y’all have
Post # 10
We do not have a good relationship with his parents but do with mine. We told mine right away – we waited until we had a 10 week ultrasound to tell his. He called them and told them – I still have not even heard from them to acknowledge that I am having their grandkid – I am 14 weeks now.
Post # 11
I didn’t tell my dad because I haven’t talked to him in years, and we have no relationship. He found out through other family members. My sister told me that when DD was born, he posted something along the lines of, “I’m a grandpa! Welcome to the world, Riley!” on Facebook, and that completely pisses me off. That implies that he is somehow involved at all in her life, which he never will be. I feel like he just wanted to see how many Facebook likes he could get or something. Argh!
Post # 12
When we do end up expecting, we will not be telling DH’s mom. She is mentally ill and has not been in DH’s life since he was 12 years old and his parents got divorced. I’ve only met her twice, once at DH’s graduation 6.5 years ago and once at our wedding 3 years ago. DH now regrets even inviting her to our wedding, and hasn’t spoken to her in a couple years now. He doesn’t want her to have anything to do with our future children, and I agree. I don’t think she’ll find out any time soon either. No one in our family (including DH’s brothers) ever talks to her anyway. This is kind of an extreme case, though.
Post # 13
We’re currently expecting (fingers crossed it sticks) and we will not be telling DH’s family. He hasn’t talked to his parents or siblings in years, they have no relationship and he wants to keep it that way and I have to respect his feelings. I don’t think they’ll ever find out since he is not in touch with anyone in his extended family, nor they have any friends in common. We told my parents immediately but I’m super close to my family and DH loves them, and they also knew of our TTC struggles and recurrent pregnancy loss.
Post # 14
MKWeddingBee: Well if you dont have a good or any relationship with the person and they arnt in any way an active part of your life (and if you werent pg this would continue) then I dont think they are ENTITLED…no….
<br />It would probably be more of a nice goodwill thing/ like “be the bigger person” to do but in no way are they entitled to it. Its your family and your marriage and if they arnt a part of your life now then you may or may not want them to be in your childs life. Of course it depends on the situation of why someone wouldnt want to tell (ie: if parents were abusive and the spouse never wants to see them again, or if its just something like a MIL from hell who always causes drama but still around but you just dont like them) Obviously in the first case Im pretty sure it would be understandable why someone wouldnt want to contact them but the latter is probably just putting off the inevitable because once other family members know Im sure the word would spread.
Either way its completely up to the couple who and when they want to tell about the baby…..I know some people who got crap from their parents because they didnt tell them the minute they found out (waited until 12 weeks) and its like…. with all due respect….its not your business until we’re ready!
Post # 15
Unless you don’t live around them/never ever speak to them… It’s not that I think you have to tell parents everything, I would just wonder how you’d hide that haha