If you are in someone else's wedding, do you need to have them in yours?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If you are in someone else's wedding, should you have them in yours?
    Yes, of course! : (5 votes)
    3 %
    No, not obligated. : (87 votes)
    58 %
    Just depends on the relationship. : (59 votes)
    39 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @bmo88:  Nope! No reciprocity should be expected.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Nah. You’re fine.

    Post # 7
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @bmo88:  Nope, there is no such rule. But I’m not surprised if she is hurt. It’s got to sting a little. She clearly thought more of you to make you a part of hers. Could you ask her if she would like to do a reading? This would make her feel included but still let you keep the bridal party you wanted.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1148 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My mom thought my older sister should be a BM in my wedding becuase I had been a FLOWER GIRL in her’s 13 years earlier…

    It isn’t a requirement. I don’t expect to be in my SIL’s wedding, if she gets married, and while I hope that my younger sister would have me in her wedding (she’s not engaged or anything), it’s her decision, and I’d respect that.

    I could understand why she may be hurt, but hopefully she still shows up to your wedding and is supportive!

    Post # 10
    Member
    4540 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

    It’s nice to reciprocate, but there’s no etiquette rule that says you have to. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    4827 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

    I still am in awe of the fact people actually want to be in someone’s wedding. I was in one of my absolutely closest friends’ and my sisters and they were SO much work and money. I would NEVER be offended if someone didn’t ask me to be in a wedding! I’d be like HALLELUAH!!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2578 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Out of my 3 BMs who have gotten married/are getting married, I was in none of their weddings (although all 3 have dicussed regret about it after-the-fact, lol). It didn’t matter to me.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2400 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @bmo88:  I think a lot depends on the size of the bridal party.  Some women have 10 BMs, that’d be so much easier than having to narrow it down to a small number.  If she had a massive bridal party and you only have 4 it’d be easy to explain.  I’d go out to dinner with her and tell her how much you wish she could be in your bridal party but that those 2 spots were taken by family and the other two by long-term friends (if you’ve been in either of their weddings before bonus points).  I wouldn’t ignore the situation, if she’s showing you she’s unhappy better to talk it out and move on.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6200 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I agree that a lot of it depends on the size of the bridal party, but I wouldn’t address it. Saying something like “i wish you could be in it, but we didn’t have the space” is even worse than leaving it alone IMO, because if you wanted her to be in it, she would have been. Just try your best to be a good bridesmaid to her.

    Post # 16
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    No, you don’t need to reciprocate the BP inclusion.  Different couples have different family obligations, different wedding sizes & budgets, different expectations for their day.  One of my BMs is dating a guy with like 4 sisters, and I’m sure she has cousins and childhood friends to pick from as well, so I’d totally understand if I wasn’t her BM.

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