If you cancelled or no showed for a wedding would you still…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If you cancelled (for whatever reason) would you still send money to cover your plate?
    Yes : (111 votes)
    58 %
    No : (80 votes)
    42 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11740 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would still send a gift, which would cover my plate, my guest’s plate, and then some.  That’s just how I gift, though.

    I would never no-show on a wedding.  If I cancelled, I would feel horrible but still absolutely send a gift.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2449 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Absolutely, I’d go above and beyond with a really nice gift to cover several plates. And if I no-showed I would send flowers and an apology on top of that. To no-show at a wedding is extremely disrespectful and a great way to ruin a friendship forever.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @abbie017:  +1, I would still send my original gift, which would be more than enough to cover my plate/husband’s plate in the first place.

    Post # 7
    Member
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @FleeSircus:  I would really try at all costs not to no show to a wedding. But I know life happens and if I were to wake up with an awful stomach flu and can’t leave the bathroom or something, I wouldn’t go and risk getting everyone else sick. In that scenario, I would send money but I wouldn’t explicitly say that it was to cover the cost of our meal. Different venues vary so much in terms of what the food will cost. Our dinner is $100 a plate, but lots of other places are more or less. So to answer best, I’d just send a much nicer gift or a cash supplement/gift card of sorts. I wouldn’t explicitly say “to cover our dinner,” though. I’d include in the card why we didn’t come and say “please enjoy a night out on us!”

    Post # 8
    Member
    1666 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @FleeSircus:  Like a PP said, I would never just not show up to a wedding and I would feel horrible about cancelling.

    That said, I would definitely send a gift. Covering your plate can be tough to do because you’re pretty much guessing how much they spent (unless you know for sure what they spent). As long as someone sent an appropriate gift, that should be what counts.

    Post # 9
    Member
    610 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @abbie017:  +1, I always cover my plate and add the gift to that. I would have to be dead to the world to no-show at a wedding. Seriously, who thinks its ok to just skip a wedding because you “don’t feel like it?” 

    Post # 10
    Member
    53 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Absolutely, for every invite we receive, we send a gift (regardless of whether or not we attend).  A gift isn’t meant to defray wedding costs (i.e., pay for your meal), it’s meant to wish the couple well and for use in their new married life.  I suppose gifts aren’t truly necessary, but certaintly good form. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    858 posts
    Busy bee

    If I cancelled after already rsvp’ing and had to cancell after the rsvp date, absolutely!!

     

    However, if i was invited to a wedding a couldnt make it or had to cancel for any purpose i would still send a gift!

    Post # 12
    Member
    53 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Oops, misunderstood the question.  Yes, if you absolutely have to cancel I would send a huge gift with a sincere and heartfelt apology, and right away too. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would send a gift, but not money to cover my plate. Shit happens, and I don’t believe in the cover your plate nonsense. If you throw a reception for yourself and invite people, the cost is yours to bear, wether they come or not.

    Post # 14
    Member
    910 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    This would never happen so hard to answer…

    If I had to cancel but with lots of notice (a month or a few weeks), I would still send a gift.

    If I had to cancel like the day before and basically no-show, I would send a more than generous gift with a huge apology IMMEDIATELY.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5932 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @FleeSircus:  This happened just earlier this month, I was just getting out of the tub for a morning wedding when my father called frantic that my mother was on her way to the ER after he found her unconcious on the floor in the bedroom.  So of course, Mr. 99 and I threw on some sweats and beat it to the hospital.  I didn’t call the bride, I didn’t call the groom…I appreciate the importance of their day, but sometimes other things are just more pressing….when things finally calmed down and my mother regained consciousness the next day, I phoned and left a message apologizing for our absence with the briefest of explanations, mailed the gift and the note and we met up with the bride and groom for dinner last week.  No harm, no foul…just life.

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    4893 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @FleeSircus:  I no-showed to a coworker’s wedding a few weeks ago, as did about 6 other people from the office. We all were struck by the same flu/bug. However, I emailed him that morning and apologized and let him know I was in bed with a fever, and gave him his gift when he came back from his honeymoon. He was thankful none of us went to his wedding with the flu. I didn’t give him money, just the gift I had bought for him prior.

    I was in bed with a substantial fever and there was no way I could leave the house. I felt like I was on death’s door. Nothing I could do about it.

     

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