Post # 1
How do you decide? Whose name gets more “weight” to it?
Backstory, I have a name that my heart has been set on since I found out we are having a girl. It’s a name I’ve wanted to use since I was 14. Husband doesn’t like it because it’s it’s not common and she’ll have to spell it for people for the rest of her life. And I mean, this day in age, you have to spell your name regardless. To complicate things, he has not offered any suggestions to an alternative name. I’ve asked him to come up with a list by the end of the week. I will also be looking for alternative names too, but the only two others I sort of like, he has also said no to.
I don’t want it turning into a big fight, but I mean, if we can’t find a name we both love … what do we do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.
I honestly feel it’s better to compromise on something you both love or even combine your names. Make one a middle; even create a whole new name if it’s possible.
Post # 4
You keep looking until you find something:) We have 3 girls and we usually had it down to 2 or 3 names until we saw what she looked like. My second absolutley looked nothing like the name I had really wanted so we went with what my husband had liked more. We both had to agree to put the name on the list though so at least we had options we both thought were ok.
Post # 5
I don’t think either get’s a final say, it needs to be a compromise, but I feel like if you’ve had a name you absolutely love and you’ve been pining away for that name for god knows how long. And he doesn’t have a damn thing, HE should really be compromising.
My brother in law wanted to name his son jack for as long as he can remember, my sister in law went with that, it was something he REALLY wanted, and was attached to the name. I would be the same in letting my husband have the name of his choice if he had something he’d loved for a long time and was really attached to.
Post # 6
My feeling is if he isn’t willing to do the research and come up with alternatives, then he should defer to you! But really, you should probably compromise on something you both like.
My husband is the same way though so I get it. Luckily we agree on a first name. We haven’t come up with a middle name yet. I am set on one I love and he doesn’t like it. (Though I think he will let me go with it regardless). But, I tell him to help come up with alternatives and he doesn’t. So, we’ll see. We’re using my middle name as our back up since it’s also both our mothers middle name as well.
Hopefully our LO looks like the first name we have chosen because despite our best efforts to come up with something else we like for her, we have been unsuccessful!
Post # 7
I guess it’s just hard, because the only contribution he has had to the conversation is “no”. I almost joked that I’d call her Noelle, but then, he might like it and I’m not a fan.
Post # 8
This is something parents have to compromise on – you’re both going to be saying that name dozens of times a day for the rest of your life.
If you both make a list of names you like (and more than just two or three), you’re bound to stumble on some common ground – similar sounds, a similar feeling to the names. He should come up with some suggestions, so I understand being annoyed that he just says no without contributing any ideas.
Post # 9
Neither of you have more weight in the matter than the other. You two both have to work to find a name you can agree on. But, with that said, he can’t just sit there and veto everything! He needs to put in the time to come up with suggestions if he wants his opinion to count.
Post # 10
@awakemysoul: I definitely think this is something worth compromising on AND not worth worrying about too much right now. I strongly believe that once you meet your baby, you’ll have a feel for her personality and what name might suit her. Go in with a list of names and see what fits. I totally agree that he should be prepared to come up with some suggestions. He can’t just say yes/no to what you think of, that’s not fair!
I have one friend whose parents couldn’t agree, so the dad got to pick the first name and the mom picked the middle. My friend went by his middle name, because it was more suitable of a name for him! 🙂
Post # 11
I say mom wills. Heck, I’ll be the one carrying the baby in my belly for 9 months, the least he can do is let me choose the child’s name & buy me copious amount of ice cream and pickles.
Post # 12
I think it would be frustrating if he doesn’t even have any suggestions. Each of you should make a list of your top 5 names- see if there are any similarities or ones you both like.
Post # 13
@awakemysoul: If he’s not going to offer suggestions, then he’s going to have to compromise since you already have possible names picked out. I hope he puts forward some ideas and then you can both compare and see what you like. I think that’s the only way to do it.
When I was born, my parents didn’t know if I was male or female. They agreed on a boy’s name, which was later given to my brother, but not on a girl’s name. I know my mom really had no ideas at all and my dad gave me a great name that she never liked (thanks Mom), because she was apparently too picky.
But maybe when she is born, you’ll look and go “Oh wow, she looks like a ____” and all your prior choices will go out the window. You never know.
Post # 14
I think worrying about this right this second is probably doing you more harm than good!
You told him he needs to come up with a list by the end of the week, and I assume you’re also scouring name sites to come up with a list of your own that’s as long as possible by the end of the week. Then you need to sit down with those lists and explain WHY you don’t like each name. This might be hard, but really figure out what about it’s sound, vibe, or spelling you don’t like. My FI and I discuss names just for fun, and sometimes we’re really good at convincing the other that a name wouldn’t be right. Sometimes it’s just saying the name in a certain way, like for us, there’s a certain feeling we get from some one-syllable boy’s names. Like, “What’s your brother’s name?” “Craig.” “Oh…” No offense to anyone who likes the name Craig, but it just doesn’t sound awesome to us.
AFTER you discuss your lists, if you haven’t started to compromise, you can worry about this. But in any case, good luck and congratulations!
Post # 15
@awakemysoul: Neither of you get the final say. This is just the first thing you are going to have to find some way to compromise when it comes to child rearing.Start now.
Post # 16
I voted neither, but here’s the deal:
you guys need to compromise. If a compromise can’t be reached, and he just says “no” to everything you have and won’t come up with any names what so ever, then I say name the girl what you have your heart set on. That doesn’t mean if he says he likes Jill and you don’t that he didn’t give good enough input and you name it what you want. I’m saying if you’ve asked him to come up with a list (which by the way, you don’t need a name just yet) and he doesn’t put anything down and just wants to reject your names, then that means he isn’t contributing and come the “big day” that’s when if there is no name, you name her what you’d like.