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Definitely depends... but most likely I would send a little SOMETHING (ie a card with $50 gift card).
Yeah, If I'm not going to go, but they were kind enough to invite me then I will send a gift (GC or cash) in a nice card right around the wedding date.
If I'm not able to attend, I just send a card. Contrary to popular belief, a gift is never required and no one should ever be made to feel guilty if they cannot or do not give one for any reason.
if i dont go, i dont send a gift. mind you the weddings i DONT go to are the ones i dont care to go to in the first place.
i have had a wedding of a really close friend that i genuinely wanted to go to, and couldnt make it because of work obligations that i couldnt get out of, i DID send them a gift.
but i get 4-5 wedding invites a year from folks who i am "acquaintances" with but dont want to go. they get no gift.
invitation does NOT = gift, especially if i dont go.
Oh my goodness, I never realized people didn't give a gift for a wedding they couldn't attend! I always do. Not necessarily something expensive, but a gift for sure.
At the very least I'd send a congratulatory card (I've found that people really appreciate this, even if there is no gift.) I also give cards to colleagues that are aquaintences when I know they are getting married, have a baby, etc. As one of the card companies say, 'it's the biggest, little thing you can do.'
If it's someone you're close to I'd send a gift and a card - my cousin got married when I was in college. Although she and I had issues growing up (but became a little closer as we became adults) FI and I did send a gift even though we couldn't attend the wedding - it was finals week. When my other cousin (the first one's brother) got married just recently I was invited to his new wife's bridal shower but not the wedding - weird, but ok. I did send a card and gift card for the shower and would have sent a gift for the wedding had we been invited, even if we didn't go.
My 2 cents. :)
Bella
I always send a gift even if I can't make it. Depending on how close I am to them (family/friend versus casual aquiantance) the price of the gift may change, but I always send one.
I usually send $50 if we can't make it to a wedding but would like to if we weren't busy/too far to travel.
However, we also live in an area where there are a lot of weddings that invite upwards of 1000 people, and get invited to a lot of weddings of people we don't really know.
I would definitely give them a gift, even though you wont be there. It is out of respect.
I almost always send a gift. The one time I did not send a gift was to a wedding I was invited to by a RANDOM person I went to H.S. with. This guy was 2 years older than me, we were on an academic "team" after school together, and I hadn't talked to him in at least 6 years. It was a huge blowout wedding, but I was still like WTF? when I got the invite. I didn't send a gift, and I'm sure they didn't miss it.
You are supposed to give a gift for every wedding ceremony you are invited to attend. It's in every etiquette resource on the planet, it's basic courtesy, it's the right thing to do.
Giving a gift in honor of a couple's wedding is meant to be a gesture of congratulations and honor for their new commitment. Why would the appropriateness of doing that vary based on whether you attend the wedding or not?
I always do. If I don't know the person very well, I will at least send a card with 20 bucks in it or something.
What does going to the wedding have to do with getting a gift? It's not payment for dinner and the reception. I agree with Littlest Birds. The price of my gift is related to how well I know the person and how much money I make.
I was invited to a wedding across the country in May for an aquaintance. They are also having a home reception here in August. However, I decided not to attend either one. Reason being that this acquantance is a sort-of ex from years ago and i wouldn't know anyone, etc. I ended up just sending them a gift off their registry.
Had they not had a reception here though, i probably would have just sent a card. The couple will not be invited to my wedding.
There have been several weddings at my church where I was invited simply because I have a "well known" family in the church. I really didn't know the person getting married and didn't feel like spending my saturday dressed up. For those. . . I didn't send a gift.
There's been one wedding where I sent a gift even though I didn't go. It was someone I knew well, and would have liked to attend their wedding, but couldn't because of travel.
An invitation doesn't equal a gift. If it did, Mickey Mouse and the President would be sending out LOTS of gifts.
I always give a gift whether I can attend the wedding or not. If I get an invitation, I sort of feel obligated to send a congratulatory card and a little something inside.
I got invited to the wedding of a roommate I haven't talked to in about 2-3 years. No falling out or anything, we just were never really good friends. I was pretty surprised I was invited to be honest, but I don't think I'll send a gift. Maybe it makes me a bad person, and one day when I'm out of grad school and can afford to send nice gifts to people I barely know, I will!
I do the LARGE majority of the time. Because most of the time if I'm invited to a wedding, it's for someone I really care about and I want to congratulate them. But recently we were invited to a wedding for someone my husband worked with but barely knew. The wedding was half way across the country from us and I'm sure they knew very well we couldn't go. The guy was handing out invites to anyone and everyone at their work place. The couple was clearly trying to gift grab. They had registry info all over their invite, yet the wedding reception was only going to be cake and a cash bar. I decided not to play into their game since I don't know them from Adam. And my husband no longer works there so we'll never see the guy again.
Well Ive never been invited to a wedding and not attended (just hasnt happened yet!) but I will say that all of the gifts we have received so far (besides shower gifts) have been from people who are not attending. And they are nice things!!! We have received a couple checks and several things from our registry all from those who will not be attending! Im glad these people decided to send a gift even though they arent coming :-)
We had a destination wedding & didn't invite anybody....95% of the people we know got us gifts or money. My work went insane...people my husband hasn't seen in years sent us cards with gift cards etc...it was crazy.
Definitely depends on the person. A good friend had a destination wedding and I couldn't make it, and I sent a gift. But once, I got invited to a wedding where I barely knew the person (like, had met twice) and I did not.
Yes, I would always send something. What I would send would be what varied. I have been so touched by people who were invited but couldn't attend and sent gifts, whether big or small.
@Bella Luna: WHOA -that's in bad taste -you don't invite someone to a shower and not the wedding! Such obvious gift grubbing. I would NOT have sent a gift!
I usually send something ($50 or a registry gift), especially now that I am married. It shocked me how generous people who couldn't attend our wedding were! It also shocked me how many people attended without so much as a card.
Mr. G's Aunty and her husband sent us a region free DVD player, a slow cooker and a cocktail shaker even though they can't attend (they live in England). I was so surprised at their generosity! I've never even met them. I think it depends on the relationship but I don't expect gifts from the (many) invitees we have overseas that aren't coming.
We always send a gift. ALWAYS. And if it's an out of town wedding, we usually send as much as we would have if we attended, because we are totally saving on the travel costs.
It floored me that we didn't receive gifts from any of the people that didn't come to our wedding.
FI and I had to RSVP no to a few weddings this year and we always sent a check and a card.
instead of money i would send them something off their registry most likely..
Etiquette says your supposed to send a gift but in one case where there was a no ring no bring policy that the bride and groom did that I got ~ it threw the whole etiquette gift thing out the window for me.
all depends on how close i am to them.. because usually if i really am that close to the person i would attend the wedding
If I'm close to them but not attending, I send a card with a gift card. But if we're not close and/or it appears that I was a "courtesy" or b-list invite...then they only get a congratulatory card. Weddings aren't gift grabs. What I give depends on how close I am to the couple. I'm a student and can't afford to buy every couple a $100 toaster.
I always send a gift. It never occured to me not to.
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...do you typically give a gift?
Before I got involved in wedding planning, I didn't realize that anyone would give a gift if they weren't at the wedding. But I'm wondering if I'm in the minority. I guess it would depend on the relationship, as I would, of course, give a gift if it were someone very close like my best friend or sister, but usually not.