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Take your time with the dress shopping! I wish I had spent more time thinking about what I "really" wanted, instead of buying the first one I really liked....
Worried less. I know, I know, everybody says that. :)
But really, I think I would have tried to get the perspective earlier that the thing that counts is that we are getting married. Are there a lot of things that I wish we could have been able to do? Heck yes there are, and I still keep them around for the visions of my fantasy wedding, but in reality, there was nothing to be done, so I just had to enjoy what we were able to have. Life is much sweeter and simpler when you are able to let go of what you can't have.
I also would have put a return address on our invitations, which we were stupid about because we thought it wouldn't be necessary if we were doing online and phone RSVPs. My poor great-aunt just sent our wedding gift to the church we got married in because it was the only address in the invitation suite. Oops. :)
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Splurge on an a awesome photog. I hate mine and after 5 months, we still haven't gotten all the things promised in the contract (which is virtually mute anyway, since we hate the pictures).
Ummmm I'm not married yet but the first thing I would do would be cut the guest list by 100 people at least and have the casual clambake on the beach I alwasy wanted rather than my mom's over the top wedding in a mansion with 100 people from her side alone (not including my father's guest list or mine or my fiance's or fiances family...)
Sorry that turned into a big ole vent...
My wedding is in 4 months and my dad is giving us $30,000 for the wedding with the option to keep anything left over....insanely generous I know... only we're already over that line and my mom is still going nuts. Remember its only 1 day and in 5-6 hours it will be over and all the energy you spent agonizing over the menu and photographers and favors and invites and music and seating charts and guest lists and all the other crap that goes with it is all over.
THat's my advice. Goodluck!!!!
I would have created guidelines for the guest list before we started on it. Who are we inviting and why? Who are we definetly not inviting? What cousins are we ending with? With a huge family like his, it can get dicey.
I would have then put ____seats are reserved in you honor on the RSVP card so that there was no disputing who was acutally invited. The guest list was my headache and if I had rules in place, I would not have had to budge the day invites went out and MIL and FIL start calling to add more friends!!!
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But you WILL always have the pictures so I'm with rosychicklet on that one!
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I would have definitely spent more time on picking out my dress and probably tried to lose a little more weight. I would've hired a different officiant because he totally messed up the ceremony. I also would've contacted him hours before the wedding to make sure he shows up earlier than 5 minutes before the wedding. I would've given more time to decorate for the reception because there were things that didn't get done because we didn't have enough time: like putting lights inside the paper lanterns we hung and making sure all the bowls and cylinders had the right amount of water in them so that the latex flowers inside don't catch on fire during the reception. I also would've handled the caterer differently because he stalled in telling us the amount we owed until the freaking reception. And it was about a thousand more than what we had thought it would be. I probably wouldn't have stressed so much about the programs because we had way more than what we needed. I also would've made sure that the photographer got our son in the pics with the guys, he was our ringbearer and he wasn't in any of the pics with the groom and groomsmen. I may have done our invitations differently just because I've seen so many really cool designs that I didn't think of when I was making ours. I wouldn't have made our envelopes either because they ended up being a bigger pain than it was worth while trying to save the cost. I thinks that about it...lol.
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I think I would have tried to take a few more candid shots with my family and wedding party, I would have spent a bitmore time thinking about what dress to buy, and I would have booked hair/makeup MUCH earlier, but that's about it! I didn't have the RSVP problem at all and my DOC helped all the day of things go so smoothly.
I wish I had:
I'm very glad I:
I definitely would have kept dress shopping until I found one I really loved. I was just so sick of trying on dresses, I ended up settling. Also, I would have made sure I found the right bra to wear under my dress. I've got funky boob/armpit folds in our wedding pics, lol.
dress - I would have bought the one I really liked instead of the one everyone said I sohuld get
guest list - We were so afraid of having too many people and going over budget, we were really strict with the guest list. I wish I had include more of my friends
wedding vows - we didn't meet with the minister before hand, only via email exchange (we had a destination wedding). he got our vows wrong. @_@ names were right, he just went with his version instead of the version we sent him
wedding gift - we didn't expect people to give us gifts since we didn't pay for any travel expense, so we didn't assign someone to accept wedding gifts. we lost two gifts in the process. :(
venue typo - our wedding sign said 'weadding'..... LOL.
All in all, despite all these things, I still think our wedding day was perfect. :)
Delegate the reception music list to someone else! I needlessly wasted so much time (and mental health) on it.
- if you are not inviting someone, don't talk about wedding stuff in front of them! otherwise, they will assume they are invited.
- try not to get overwhelmed by all the unsolicited advice! be sweet but firm and just say "thanks but we have my own style and preferences and we've already booked my venue / bought my dress / picked a caterer based on those preferences. so enough wedding talk, what's new with you?"
- don't spend a lot of money or time on invitations. no one remembers them or keeps them except for the two of you and maybe for your parents.
- be understanding if people cannot come, even if they are close friends that you expected to come.
- don't make your wedding a financial burden on your guests, wedding party, etc.
In general, I would spend less. We didn't have an expensive wedding, relative to the national average, but it still seems like a lot now that we're thinking about home remodels, having children, traveling, buying new cars, paying off school loans, etc. I think that we would have better uses of the money now.
But that wasn't really your question!
If we were starting over, I would stick with my gut more. My big advice for brides now is to - before looking at magazines, going to stores, hanging out on websites - talk details with your groom. Thankfully, my husband and I took the time to individually consider what was important for us and to share those ideas with each other. Seriously, it's a very important step, because it's easy to loose sight of what you really want once planning takes on a life of it's own.
BUT - I wish that we had talked about more concrete specifics. We basically both said "we want a wedding that's really just a party where we get married. Nothing to formal, fancy, or structured." We patted ourselves on the back for wanting the same thing and proceeded - but the devil is in the details and really we hadn't talked enough. For me, a casual wedding was a pretty setting, a short but traditional ceremony, and hor d'ouvres/cake/punch. For my husband, it was a big dinner and open bar, a live band, and only vows (not a real ceremony). He wanted to wear a tux; I wanted to wear a simple dress and have the wedding party in casual attire. I wanted my father to walk me down the aisle; he just wanted to stand up and say our vows like giving a toast. You see where I'm going. The big picture was the same, but the details were not. I wish that we would have talked them over sooner, because we didn't really discover the impact of our early, big decisions (ie, venue, attire, etc) on our littler decision until it was too late to change course. We could have compromised earlier and saved ourselves a bunch of stress.
My other tip: Don't spend money on things you don't care about. Period. Don't let other people convince you that you "need" something or that a particular item is something to "splurge" on if you truely don't care about it. Save that money for something you DO care about. Those choices are truely individual; only you and your groom can make those decisions. Don't forget that.
I would have tried to stress out about less. I know, it sounds simple, but my mom stressed me out over such little details that I didn't care about...I shouldn't have let her get to me. My entire planning process was a nightmare, and I'd love to make it easier for any bride.
One thing that I was thrilled about was my photographer. We were worried b/c we splurged on him, but he was so worth it. My SIL was really upset with her pictures from her wedding, and after it's all said and done, that's all you have left of the day.
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I probably would have gone with the 50 -75 person wedding that I originally wanted to have. Oh well.
I would say: go with your gut and incorporate elements that are important to you, NOT what the wedding industry says you must have. (ie. if you want a sweet band to play and you don't care about your invitations for example, get printable invitations from michaels and send email STDs. I didn't send STDs at all and it worked out fine!)
Invite less people - I was all about inviting people, didn't want to hurt feelings. We kept the list big because I wanted to see everyone, but really there were so many people (180) it was hard to talk to them all - and left less time to do what we wanted. Should have been a hard ass on inviting the relatives and cut the list... (we paid for a good portion of the wedding).
Spend less on the honeymoon - really we spent too much (we had the cash - but boy it would be nice to have it now).
Go with your gut - the caterer thought we were overestimating our bar bill - but we went over! We cut off the bar an hour before the reception ended to keep in line with the budget (not very traumatic overall). The caterer said a couple times she thought we had provided more than enough. I guess we learned her.
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These are great, ladies! Keep 'em coming if you have anything to add.
I actually have very few regrets about my wedding. But I do have some advice.
In general I think that in the end your photography is one of THE most important aspects of your wedding because those are the memories on film that you will have. While I love my photog and am So happy with my pics, I wish I would have made a list for the photog before the wedding of pics I wanted (both candids and posed). In all the hustle and bustle I forgot to get some pictures that I would have loved to have with certain people.
ALso, some of the best advice I got was to buy the rights to all my pics. I own them, I got them 1 1/2 months after my wedding and I have already made several photobooks for us, our parents and grandparents. I was also able to make our thank you notes out of them. People loved them! I HIGHLY recommend owning your own picture files.
I also highly recommend doing hair and make up trials until you are absolutely, 100% satisfied. I had two of each and i am SO happy I did. It made my wedding day so much less stressful and I got exactly what I wanted. Also, don't forget to take pictures after its done to bring back with you for your stylist to remember.
I'm sure there is more, I will post if I think of anything else.
I can't tell you girls how helpful this advice is for those of us who are in the midst of the planning process!! Keep the advice coming! 
TOTALLY agree with Rosychicklet- our pictres kinda suck and I'm so so sad I didn't think it over more before hiring someone. That's the one thing I would change in a heartbeat.
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Make the wedding more about us instead of me (helloooo Bridezilla) and spend more time with my husband the day of. I was so busy running around taking care of things/ taking to my guests that I hardly spent any time with him. Just thinking about it now breaks my heart.
Also, shop around! I didn't get the best deal on my ring or my dress and I don't really love either of them. I wish I would have looked more!
I'm not married yet either (wedding is in 2 months - ahhhhh!) but I just want to ditto all the comments about taking your time with the dress shopping. I got pressured into buying a dress at a sample sale and it was the biggest mistake I've made so far (god, I hope nothing will top that one). The alteration costs I got quoted on was more than the price of the dress and I don't really love it.
I kept under my 10k budget (wedding AND honeymoon) and have no regrets about it. Keeping our priorities straigth made the planning more enjoyable too. Overall, have fun!
I never got a picture of just me and my mom!!! And it kills me. Definitely make a list of pictures you want and give it to your photographer before the wedding. I had one made and forgot to give it to him. My photographer was fabulous - don't get me wrong. I love all my pictures but just wish I remembered to take that one. With so much going on, I didn't even think about it... neither did my mom.
1. Don't use RSVP cards. Just provide them with an email address and phone number. Saves money, and prevents your guests from procrastinating.
2. Make sure there's a blank next to the line that says "please RSVP by ___". That way if you're mailing out the invites to just A-listers first, then B-listers some weeks later, you can write in the RSVP date, and no one is the wiser.
3. Go to Michael's or Hobby Lobby early on to get ideas for DIY projects like favors, centerpieces, invitations and programs.
4. Get a venue that will easily accomodate 100 people more than you anticipate inviting.
5. Shop around for that makeup artist, and SPEAK UP when you dislike something.
I would:
1. take more time dress shopping
2. not trust the old seamstress I'd always used (she ruined my fabulous vera wang, then tried to cover her tracks, and left me searching for another dress).
3. research photogs more before making a choice (we heart ours a lot -- but we also lost a $750 deposit by choosing one we liked less, first, because they pressured us).
4. really invite people I want there, not people I think I should invite because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Because now, with 9 days left, I am just wishing I hadn't invited them.
5. relax! I can't control everything, I need to realize that and go with the flow.
My biggest piece of advise is something Mrs. Cheese passed onto me a few days before my wedding:
Take a deep breath at the important moments. Drink in the emotions and the poignancy of the day. You hear brides all the time say that it was "all over so fast" but I promise you that if you take your moments to slow down for a second and just breath and observe it won't.
Things I am glad we did:
1. Stuck to our guns on the big picture idea of what kind of vibe/atmosphere we wanted for our wedding day
2. Personalized our wedding--and I don't mean by splashing a monogram or photo of ourselves on something. We added a lot of personal details to our wedding, many of which had no associated cost and were very subtle. We had our own music playing at the dinner/dance, so it really felt like a party hosted by us as a couple. We wrote our own vows and had a touching AND humourous poem read at our ceremony. People told us over and over again how much it felt like a real celebration of our relationship and that meant more to me than anything.
3. Put the time into effective delgation! Lots of people offered to help us throughout the planning process, and it ends up being unhelpful if you don't have a handle on what's left to do, and what tasks you can hand off to others.
4. Paid the extra cost for a rehearsal with our Marriage Commissioner. She made everyone feel at ease about their roles in the ceremony.
5. Did not budge on the guest list issue. We only wanted 60-80 guests max and we ended up with 65. It wasn't without some drama from the parents, and I know some of my distant extended relatives are upset they weren't invited, but in the end, the guest list has such a big impact on how you spend your time at your own wedding I just couldn't imagine how I would feel if that had gotten away from us.
I also asked all of my bridesmaids and my Mum to head to their ceremony positions a few minutes ahead of me. I had two minutes all to myself to look at myself in the mirror and collect my inner peacefulness before my dad came a knockin to take me away. It's still one of my most cherished moments from the day.
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I would invite family first and friends last; thatw ay no hidden added guests grrrrr
My best advice is to pick a good photographer! I've read so many photography horror stories on here and feel really fortunate that we're not one of them. It took a little while, but I was able to convince my husband to go with a little more expensive photographer, and it really made a difference. They were incredible to work with (both before and after the wedding) and in general I feel like they're really awesome people. Plus, they have talent like none other, quality work, and (only 2.5 weeks after the wedding) our photos are ready!
P.S. Any of you Reno/Tahoe bridea and grooms should definitely check out www.zinserphoto.com. They are amazing!
1. Spent way too much on invitations. I originally wanted to do them myself, but ran out of time so I ordered some beautiful ones over the internet. I was happy with them, only I ordered way too many and now I have a box sitting at home with lots of leftover invites. I forgot to think about how one invite goes to a household of 2-4 on average, silly me.
2. We tried to keep our guest list to 75 people (we really wanted less that that, but the venue had a 75 person minimum) so we only sent out invites to about 90-100 people. I wish we had sent out 150 because so many people couldn't make it or flaked and we had to send out last-minute invites. My parents ended up inviting more of their friends to fill the seats, and I wish I had invited more of mine.
3. Wish I had lost weight. I exercised and watched what I ate, but didn't diet. I think with the stress I put on some more pounds and now I have photos of myself as a fat bride! Oh well, at least we look very happy, and I can always lose that weight.
4. Oh yeah, and like so many others said, I wish I had spent more time dress shopping. I got tired of trying on dresses too, and settled with what they had in the 2nd shop we went to. It's a very beautiful dress, but more expensive than I wanted. I should have researched it more before going out shopping.
--I wish we hadn't used that bridal shop for our tux rentals because they were terribly disorganized there and got all the guys' orders/measurements wrong and stressed everybody out at the last minute. Have the guys go to a tried-and-true place, like Men's Wearhouse or something like that.
Everything that worked out fantastically was due to listening to friends/family advice (such as hiring a hairdresser/makeup person for the wedding day), and using the venue's list of recommended vendors. Everything went well & hassle free on the day of the wedding!
Best of luck to you!!
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Hey newlyweds! If you could go back to the planning stage of your wedding and make adjustments, what would you have done differently? Or, in other words, what is your best piece of advice for a bride-to-be?