Post # 1
Finances are not great for either of us at the moment and we have a lot of expenses coming up. His visits to me, my visits to him (we’re LD), immigration fees, wedding costs (we want to have two, a very simple one here and a nicer reception in his home country, “rainy day fund” in case it takes him awhile to find a job after immigrating, eventual baby fund. Any “fun money” left over we’d like to spend on things like travel, concerts, date nights and experiences we can share as a couple. Plus, I live in one of the most expensive cities in the country. GAH.
We were planning on a cheap and simple e-ring but now the thought of spending even a few hundred on it makes me break into hives. I’m seriously considering telling him to just forget about the ring. I’m not a huge jewerly person in the first place and I’d much rather have [all of the above] than a ring.
Was anyone engaged without a ring? If so, how did people react? Did people not take you seriously? If you got rude or incredulous responses, what was your comeback line?
Post # 3
@worldtraveler: one of my best friends didn’t want an e-ring but got a simple antique silver band after people doubted she was actually engaged 😐 We were looking at vintage wedding dresses and she is very obviously an offbeat bride, but sales staff made odd comments. Apparently her extended family had expressed their reservations as well, so her FI jumped on eBay and got her a ring for ~$40. It’s beautiful and suits her perfectly! It also shut everyone up.
Post # 4
@worldtraveler: Could you throw a ring you already own on that finger and then replace it with a wedding band when you get married? I think it absolutely doesnt matter, but I KNOW people look to the left hand immediately when anyone says they’re engaged. You could simply tell them, oh this is just a placeholder til I get my awesome [fill in the blank] wedding band. 🙂
Post # 5
I would just buy something in the $50 or less range to avoid those situations.
Post # 6
We didn’t announce our engagment until we had the ring (his preference) so I didn’t really have the opportunity for comments.
I did go dress shopping and to a few venues and photographer meetings without a ring. No one ever said anything to me about it.
I would just tell people you are doing wedding bands only. If they have a problem I’d probably consider telling them to F off, though I’m too nice to actually do that.
Post # 7
I had an e-ring.. but seriously who gives a rats ass what other people think. Save your money. I like it when I see people with a simple wedding band. If anyone gives you a hard time just tell them that you are just getting wedding bands.
Post # 8
I don’t think it really matters, but if you were interested in getting something simple and cheap, you probably could get a temporary ring.
Post # 9
You guys should get a cute CZ stand-in ring in the meantime for less than 50 dollars. People will be judgemental if you don’t have a ring, but it’s up to you to decide if that’s going to bother you or not.
Post # 10
@wrkbrk: +1 I really like this suggestion. If you make it clear that you are focusing your excitement on the wedding band to come, people would come off as jerks if they pressured you in the conversation after that!
Alternatively, is there a possibility you could just wear the wedding band sooner, and it could serve as both your e-ring and band? My friend did this; she and her FI are very offbeat people, and they just both starting wearing their bands from the moment of their engagement. Their logic was first of all that they were seriously preparing for marriage and they wanted to communicate that mindset, and also they wanted to show their equality from the beginning, and both wear somehting. No one questioned them or made them feel that they weree doing something “weird.”
Post # 11
I was engaged without a ring. We just simply told everyone that we couldn’t afford a wedding, a home, and still get the engagement ring we wanted, so we decided to wait on the e-ring. Our family and friends understood and never made a big deal out of it. At the wedding, we had a distant aunt, who we hardly ever see, ask to see the ring. I proudly showed her my wedding band.
Post # 12
Go to Walmart if you have to, but I think that it is a good idea for you to have a ring. It is very traditional and depending on what country you are comming to, it could seem wierd to immigration….which is the last thing you want.
If you didn’t have LD + immigration it would be a bit different…the judgment you will be recieving is of a legal matter.
Post # 13
@searock: I really don’t think it legally matters at all whether you have a ring or not… in fact in my experience it’s only really the US where people are obsessed with the engaged=must have a ring mentality! You certainly don’t even need a ring to prove you’re married or soon intend to be, just the marriage license as proof of intent should do. Immigration will only care about the paperwork, lol, I promise!
Being traditional is totally a separate matter from whether something is legally relevant of not 🙂
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard
I don’t even understand why people would judge somebody for not having an engagement ring. how dumb and shallow. it would be like judging somebody for not having a car.
Post # 15
@worldtraveler: I would get a ring from Berricle! They are around $50.
Post # 16
I didn’t have a ring for about a year of our engagement… I was going to buy a cute cheap ring for fun but I ended up buying it off etsy and I guessed the wrong size and I was so embarrassed I didn’t return it. It was really frustrating waiting for one. I probably should have caved and bought a place holder and saved myself some emotional turmoil! No one ever directly asked me about it, but whenever coworkers asked about my wedding planning I felt really self-concious about it.