Post # 1
It seems like most already are living with their boyfriends or fiancees so I was wondering who is also in the “committed but not living together” camp and why?
I am in a LDR, but aside from that, I would prefer not to live together until engagement. One is that I really like my space and independence and would not want to end that prematurely. The other reason is that I know that living together and breaking up would absolutely devestate me, so I would only live with someone if I knew we were heading towards marriage. Also, my parents have a fantastic marriage and they didn’t move in together after the wedding (not out of morals but it just didn’t work out) so I don’t think it’s absolutely vital to do so if you have been together for a long time.
That being said, I’d still like to move in at engagement so that if there is something super crazy I don’t know about (like he is cooking meth in his basement) I can still get out before I’m legally bound to him. But I don’t see living together as a way of determining compatibility in the first place, but just confirming what I already know, which is wanting to marry him!
Post # 3
We don’t live together fulltime. We both have our own homes and he has a brother that contracted encephalitis when he was 21 and had to have a portion of his brain removed. Before his father died he promised he would take care of him. His brother (who is now 58) lives in an apartment in his basement so he goes home a few times per week to check on him. He’s very independent but has other health problems so eh worries about him. Once we renovate his house, sell/rent my house, and move in we’ll both be keeping an eye on him. 🙂
Post # 4
@worldtraveler: Our families are pretty conservative and we have traditional views on not living together before marriage. I don’t think it’s wrong in any way whatsoever — it’s just not something we’ll do as a couple.
But sometimes I feel like it makes the waiting 100x harder …
Post # 5
We’re currently in a LDR and have been for about two years. But, his family is also quite conservative, so we made the decision not to move into together until we’re at least engaged so he doesn’t have to get any grief from them.
Post # 6
Plus, we were a LDR. No way was I going to quit my job and move in with him, to a city with no job opportunities unless it was permanent and he had some moral and legal obligation to support me. Thankfully it never came to that, lol.
Post # 7
We don’t live together becuase we feel it’s pretty much impossible to right now. We are both paying for school, and don’t feel like now is the right time. We live with our parents and will continue to do so until we graduate which is only one more year!!! YAY!
Post # 8
we waited 3 years into the relationship to move in together. 1. I have a child from a previous relationship so I needed to be 1000000000x sure that this was it for their sake and 2. we were both in lengthy apartment leases that would cost $$ to get out of.
Post # 9
🙁 I miss FI so much! We’ve lived together for over two-years now… but he just got an awesome new job in another city. It’s where we both have always wanted to move, so I’m still here desperately trying to get to him. Poor guy is living with his parents because we can’t afford two apartments (we are mid-lease in this one)… But, luckily, his parents are awesome and they make the transition a lot easier for him.
Post # 10
We don’t have a LDR but we don’t live together, financially impossible right now, otherwise we would! We see each other 6 days a week though, and spend one night a week together.
Post # 11
Mr. C lives in Canada, I live in the US. We’re filing immigration paperwork early next year and going to hopefully being moving in together before the year is out.
Post # 12
We don’t for a combination of reasons.
For the last few years he was unable to find steady employment after losing his job. And I definitely blame the economy for this one. He quit the job he was working at to work for one in his field, and then they told him the doctor who hired him did so illegally because he needed a Master’s degree for that job. After they let him go, he applied everywhere, for everything and very rarely received interviews. We both agreed we couldn’t live together until we could afford to, and when we looked at budgets, it just wasn’t possible, until the last couple months.
The other part is his family and religion. His family is pretty strict about the established timeline of getting married first, so for now he doesn’t want to upset that.
However, he does spend about half the month here recently (although he has to lie to his parents about it to do it). But that only really started a few month ago.
I think it’s tough this way because its like I have a home support system when he is staying here, but not when he isn’t. We can plan on cooking meals and budgets, but without him being here all the time, it is hard. I mean, I’ve lived on my own for 9 years, but it’s like having a glimmer of some relief of doing everything myself is making it difficult to keep doing everything myself.
Post # 13
We didn’t leave together before marriage because of our religion. We were also long distance for most of it, but that wasn’t the reason.
Post # 14
Mainly family pressure influenced by religious reasons – out of respect for my father, we’ve decided to wait until we’re engaged to move in together so that at least my father knows that we are marriage-minded and are very serious about our future together. Ideally, I know that he wants us to wait until we’re married but neither the SO nor I want to get married without living with the other person first.
Post # 15
There should be a “money” option.
We both live with our parents (well, my parents and his dad). Mine pay my college tuition as long as I get good grades and they don’t make me pay rent. I wouldn’t be on the Dean’s List if I worked, and I’d be under a lot more stress.
FH works, but doesn’t make enough to get an apartment close enough to my school. He hasn’t been to college yet, but he is as soon as possible (after the wedding).
Our houses are 10 minutes apart, so it’s not a big deal. It’d be nice to live together, but it’s better logistically this way right now. We see each other more now than we would if we lived together.
Post # 16
We are moving away together in jan 5 hours away from our families. We’ll be engaged by then and our first time living together.