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Would you abort or keep the baby and raise it? My friend and I were talking about this earlier this morning and it's a heavy topic but one I have thought about before.
Edit: I know it is hard to really say unless you are in the situation...just thought it would be interesting to see where others are coming from and what people think.
ohh that's a tough one. I don't think I could actually answer it unless I was in the situation.
@MissCallieJean: I agree. I initially said I would abort because I don't think I am really strong enough to handle it and we are probably not financially equipped for that either. But I think I might feel a lot differently if I was actually in that situation.
@MissCallieJean: same here. It's easy to say one or the other right now, but if it were to really happen to me. I have no idea what I'd do!
My friend is going through this. Her baby was born last year and has had 2 brain surgerys since. You know what though, she's a happy, loving baby full of life. Yea it's been a rough year for them, but that's their child. Seeing this is inspiration and I would keep the baby. You have no idea what life is going to throw at you.
I actually had to consider this yesterday! My nurse asked me if I wanted to have a check done to see if my baby has symptoms of Down Syndrome. I said no. It won't change anything, it's my baby now for life no matter what.
It would really depend on the disability. When we got genetic testing, my husband and I agreed that we would carry a child with a disability to term, provided it was not a fatal disability. For example, one of tests was for trisomy 18 in which the child only lives for a month or so. I just can't bear the thought of having a baby just to watch him/her die in a few weeks! However, a child with down's syndrome or something is a different story. We are well-off and able to provide for a disabled child. I know it wouldn't be easy, but we would do it.
I am a carrier of the cystic fibrosis gene, I have watched my cousin struggle and die from the disease.
That's as close as I've gotten to having to make the choice... but I decided a long time ago that if I were ever pregnant, that I would test and abort if positive.
ETA: I've also had this discussion with FI, even though we're not planning children. He is also pro-testing/pro-abortion. It was an intense conversation, but I'm glad we had it and so reassured we're on the same page.
I would pick other. We didn't get any of the genetic testing done with either pregnancy, so it would be unlikely we would know until the baby was born.
I think this is such a personal thing and really depends on the defect. Some disorders are fatal, some disorders cause a lifetime of pain and suffering. One of the reasons we declined the testing in the first place is to limit the chance we'd ever have to make a decision like this.
We would definitely keep the baby. I know that it would be a huge challenge and a game changer but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we couldn't abort.
Can't really say.
DH and I were talking about that the other day. Say we found out we were having a child with Down's...there wouldn't be a reason in our minds that we should terminate the pregnancy. That would be our child and the child could live with that and be loved and productive.
But, there are so many other issues that could be more harmful for the child if born so it would have to depend on the situation.
@Ivorybuttons: I am a carrier for that as well. You can have your SO tested for the same and they can tell you before you even get pregnant if you have a chance of passing it on.
There is no doubt in my mind I would keep my baby. I actually thought about it alot when I was pregnant, getting all the bloodwork done, and waiting the results. I only wanted the tests done, so if there were a chance my baby was down syndrome, or any other type of disability, I could be prepared for it mentally and emotionally.
You only have the options of aborting or raising the child... I know someone who found out only at birth that her child was severely disabled. She found a couple where both people were health professionals (one in physical and the other in mental health) and it was their dream/calling to raise a child with these kinds of needs. She gave her son up for adoption. My aunt also did with her child with Down syndrom over 30 years ago - her husband wasn't good at dealing with the child so before he turned one, she gave him up because she realized he would thrive more with better equipped parents.
In both situations, the parents didn't know of their child's disability before it was borned.
If I were to find out, I would not abort, I just can not do that. I am equipped to deal with a child with special needs, and I trust that my husband would be too, although he does not have that trust in himself. So I don't know if we would be raising the child or not - I think it depends on the type of disability and if we are realistically the best people to take care of the child.
Because the tests are never 100% accurate and that I know I wouldn't get an abortion, we decided not to test and avoid the stress that would come with a negative outcome in order to have a healthy pregnancy. If our child turns out to have special needs, we'll deal with it as we see fit at the moment.
So many of the tests are wrong though and then, when the parents abort, they find out that everything was actually okay, so with that knowledge, I wouldn't. That said, we never did any of the tests with either of our babies.
I think it would totally depend on what the disability is. Something that would give them no quality of life, then yeah probably. But something that is functioning and aware, but makes them "different", probably not. I would welcome the challenge, and think that its just another stepping stone on the path to making me more humble and patient
ETA: I guess what I said would be null in void, because I doubt I would get testing done before birth.
@mommytobee: I think thats awesome, what a great thing they did for those babies, to give them to parents who are totally equipped to deal with those disabilities. I think that is so powerful, to be able to admit that its not something you can do, and then search for the best person to take care of that child and their needs.
It is hard to say without being in the situation, but my feeling is that we'd keep it. It's still our child, I work in mental health and feel prepared to accept the challenge, and I'd love that baby no matter what. I just don't have the heart to abort, unless it was early in the term and it was threatening to my own health (my husband and I agree on that... but we've never chatted about the possibility of a disabled baby). I'll have to ask him, but I'm 98% sure he'd want to keep it too.
I would have to be in the situation to answer and would need a LOT of information in order to make a decision. Most likely I would keep it. But if the doctors were able to tell me for sure my baby would be born with a disease that meant a lifetime of pain and suffering for not only the baby, but for DH and I, I might choose to abort. Gosh it's really hard even to say it!
And this is such a good point. When I was pregnant I was apart of a mommy board, and one mother said the doctors said there was a very high chance that her baby would have a birth defect that was fatal. I think it was trisomy 18, but I'm not entirely sure. It turns out her baby was completely healthy when it was born, without a sign of any disability. So that for me was food for thought in itself.
But regardless of that, I still wouldn't abort because I would want my child to breathe life as I do, and see me, his/her mother, and let him/her know that I will love him/her unconditionally until the day he/she's taken away from me.
It's interesting to me that the majority of the people leaving comments have said they wouldn't have an abortion, but the poll shows the majority of people who voted would.
@mommytobee: That story makes me very sad.
My moms test result were wrong for both my brother and sister. They were born with absolutely no disability and are now healthy adults.
DH and I had this conversation before we starting trying to conceive (which I also think is a must-do for all couples). We agreed that if it came back as a "big" disability, we would abort - both because we didn't think we'd be able to handle it, and we wouldn't want our child to have a life of suffering.
ETA: we wouldn't go by the results of the quad screen, since that just gives a probability. If our results came back with a high percent, we'd undergo an amnio or other test then make the decision.
My CF test came back positive, and DH's came back negative, so we decided the risk was so low, we wouldn't test the baby. Same for our actual quad screen - minimal range.
@Cash000: Beautifully said.
@kate169: I'm finding that interesting too, votes but no responses.
FI and I would have the baby and raise it. It's a child and I've waited my whole life for one and would look on it as a gift. A friend of mine was also told that her child would most likely be very handicapped when she was born, they decided to have the baby and all is well.
DH and I have had this discussion and, while it would depend on the disability/condition, we both agree that we would abort if our child would have a lifetime of pain and suffering. We wouldn't want that for our child. Plus - I don't know if I could handle it.
Having that abortion would probably be the hardest thing I would ever do though.
honestly i could never abort a child at this point in my life. that would just be selfish. i'm old enough to take care of it with or without disabilities. My sister is mentally disabled (though she wasnt born that way) and she has many disabled friends and each one of them is special in their own way. I could never forgive myself for destroying a life that i helped create. I look at my mom and the difficulities she had throughout her life but honestly having my sister has made each and every one of us a better person in the long run. I also came to the conclusion long ago that at some point or another she will be my (and my husbands - love that man) responsiblity (along with my brothers and sisters). Maybe being around it my whole life gives me a different out look on it but my life would never be the same without her in it. so no...i could never do it. a baby is a beautiful thing no matter how healthy or unhealthy - plus! what if that was my only chance of getting pregnant? and i took it away willingly. i would never be able to live with myself.
I would consider abortion. I don't know that I could be strong enough for that person. Either decision would be a hard one.
ETA: depending on the disability.
I would most certainly keep the baby! I have type 1 diabetes which has big risks involved included having a baby with development problems. I had a miscarriage earlier this year and when people told me it happened for a reason it could have had down syndrome I was shocked. I would have most certainly loved the baby just as much if not more if I had anything wrong with it and would have felt blessed to actually been able to carry the baby the entire pregnancy!
It would depend on the disability. Something that would be fatal shortly after birth or dangerous to me, we would have to consider it, even though I'm pretty pro-life.
Of course it's impossible to say without being in the situation. I too would worry that the results would be wrong and we would have made a huge mistake. I probably wouldn't do any testing beforehand. As far as I know, there is nothing that runs on either side of our families, so I would imagine our risk is low, but you can never really know for sure.
It would def depend on the disability. Trisomy 18, yeah I'd probably abort. Any other seriously disfiguring defects, yeah. Trisomy 21, not a chance. Like PPs have said, if the disability causes the child a lifetime of pain and suffering and the parents as well, then we're most likely make the decision to terminate. I work around radiation and take extra care to shield myself at all times...I know the risks now adays are low for birth defects but it still scares me.
I have been in this situation. I had a lot of complications all throughout my pregnancy but some of the scariest occured early on. I had some genetic testing done. At that point, they were unable to tell me definitely one way or the other if my child would have any disabilities. My pregnancy was not planned and I had actually found out I was pregnant a few weeks after the father and I broke up. I was told that I had the options to abort immediately or I could wait a little longer and do another series of tests in a few weeks and decide then. Because of the issues, my insurance company would have even paid for the abortion. I was single, alone, had no experience with kids, and I was terrified..... but I had also heard my baby's heartbeat during a sonogram. There was just no way I could give up on him. So, my decision was continue on with my pregnancy and not do any more genetic testing. Abortion was off the table. My doctor was 100% supportive and throughout the rest of my pregnancy, she helped me to prepare for those possible disabilities and not a single one of them were present when he was born! I now have a wonderful 3 year old son who does happen to have Autism but that is not something that I would have ever known in utero as there are far too many elements to ASD.
It would depend on the disability. But that being said, I did not have any of the genetic testing done for my last pregnancy (at 34- an age with a statistically higher chance of some problems).
Disabled children have the astounding ability to teach you things no ordinary child ever could.
It's hard to say because I have heard so many stories where the tests were wrong and babies came out completely healthy. Someone I know was recently told their baby had a heart defect and most likely down's syndrome in utero, and a few months later they are telling them the baby is now going to be born completely healthy.
I also have a friend who was pregnant with a baby who had a severe heart defect and she was given the opportunity to terminate and did not choose that route. She gave birth and the baby died a week later after numerous heart surgeries. So she had to go through the 9 months of pregnancy/anxiety/anticipation and the childbirth to have her baby die and go home to an empty nursery and plan a funeral. She didn't get to hold her baby until he was already passed. :(
If you think about it, you can give birth to a perfectly healthy child who develops disabilities or medical problems later in life as well.
Anyways, I guess I'm on the fence.
DH and I have had this conversation, and we would most likely abort. It's a terrible situaton to be in, and a very complicated situation, but I would not want to bring a child into this world that would suffer. Working with special needs children in my career (severe to mild), I've see the challenges firsthand.
There is no way for me to say one way or the other until I'm actually in that situation. It depends on so many factors, as pp have said. For that reason, I'm not voting in the poll.
A friend of mine was pregnant and the doctor told her that the baby was going to be a vegtable and that she should abort it. Well she stuck with the pregnancy and she had her little girl and it was perfectly normal little baby....
Doctors are not always 100% correct.
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