Post # 1
So my sister is arriving to my state this week, with her family of 6. They are driving 1500 miles. She has two boys and her boyfriend has two girls.
I just did the math… She has not come out to see me for 10 YEARS. Is that not messed up? I also calucated how many times I’ve flown home to see her (and the rest of the family). 24. TWENTY FOUR FLIGHTS home in 10 years.
On one hand I am very excited to show them my home and state, not to mention to see my nephews. But I’m also upset like WTF? Why the hell does it take so long to come see your sister? It’s not like they never go on vacation, in fact they go on a big trip or two every year – sometimes flying, sometimes driving.
I don’t know. I’m really thinking of curbing my visits home from now on. Is that spiteful? Her oldest boy is 6 so not like kids were the the excuse for 10 years. They fly with both of the boys (they don’t have the girls full time).
Post # 3
@sienna76: Unfortunately I am also the child that lives far away from the rest of the family and the burden is always on me to come visit the family and travel home for holidays. All the family is in one place but me, so it logically makes more sense for me to come home. Is it a little annoying? Sure. But that’s just how it is and I don’t think it will change in my family any time soon.
Post # 4
@hotpinkbride: I hear you. Yes, it’s very annoying. They (all of them) couldn’t even come to my wedding last year (which made it an elopement by defaults -but no regrets since it was perfect). I flew home for their weddings, even hosted and threw the baby showers for each of the sisters.
Geez, what if I have kids? Is the whole system/family going to cease to exist?
Post # 5
Initially I thought, it’s so hard and so expensive to travel with kids…but as I read on, maybe there were other reasons that kept her from visiting. When you go home, you get to knock out multiple birds with that one stone, other family, friends, etc. If she were to visit you, she would be spending a lot of money and time for one purpose (not saying you aren’t worth it, but you needed to come home anyway so she just may have never said it).
Something small, but curious about it. Did you ever invite her? Like explicitly…come visit and stay with me, etc. I know with sisters it’s totally assumed…but maybe she didn’t want to presume or impose?
Post # 6
I have not seen my brother in about 16 years, when I was 10 years old (I’m 26 now). We live on opposite sides of the country. First, we all lived in CA. Then he moved to WA then OK. Then me and my mom and our dad moved east. Then he moved back to CA. I haven’t seen him since he lived in WA.
Post # 7
I think the fundamental issue is that you have been traveling home to see your sister and the rest of your family. It sounds as if you moved out of the area where most of your family resides, so you’ve been the one who has had to do the lion’s share (by far, where your sister is concerned) of the travel.
Perhaps your sister has not made the effort to come to see you, because you have always made the effort to come to see her while you’re in town visiting the rest of your family. She’s probably very used to your doing this by now, and she’s probably never really thought about the fact that her not also traveling to visit you would be something that is upsetting to you.
I hope that you have a wonderful visit with your sister and her family. While she is there, perhaps you can let her know how much it means to you that she and her family have taken the time to make such a huge trip and that it is a blessing to you not to have to be the only one who makes the effort to travel so that you’re able to be together.
To answer your question, I have a sibling who lives hundreds of miles away from me, and we see each other once or twice a year, most often when both of our families travel to see our parents.
Post # 8
@sienna76: I think once you have kids things will change and you have an excuse not to head home for at least the holidays. Parents get pretty motivated to see their grandkids, so maybe you will get more frequent visits then!
Post # 9
I’m the sister who lives far away, so I can kind of see this from your sisters side (I’m assuming you are the one who lives “away”).
I’ve seen my sister a few times in the last few years, and I’ve been the one to go and see her. But, I also see old friends, my parents, etc.
Also, I imagine it is not only expensive, but somewhat of a hassle to travel with children. It sounds like you are traveling alone, or maybe with your significant other. Traveling alone is waayyyy easier than going with a whole family, and much cheaper.
So, if those assumptions are correct (you’re the one living away, and you’re traveling alone) then, yes, you need to be the one to suck it up most of the time and go see her.
Post # 10
FI’s older brother comes home maybe a couple of times a year, but being that it’s apparently against their innate beliefs to ever let anyone know that they’re in town or make plans (they think surprising people is cute…that shit is not cute), we really only see them maybe once a year. They’ve been up here a few times this year, actually, and we’ve seen them for all of maybe two hours total.
Post # 11
I have a brother who lives in New York. I usually see him once a year, at Christmas.
DH has three siblings. Two are in the same state as us but about 3 hours away. We see them like 4 times a year. The other lives in Seattle – we see him once every one or two years.
Post # 12
I see my family who lives in California, all three sibilings and mom about twice a year. So sad 🙁
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
My FBIL lives in NYC and he flies home (with or without his SO) about 3-4 times a year. Usually once in the summer (sometimes twice), once in the fall, and for Christmas. He has also come home for “major events” such as his first nephew being born or weddings. He hasn’t made it back for everything (missed his grandmother’s funeral) but he does the best he can and we feel like he keeps in touch pretty well.
Post # 14
We live in Rhode island. My one sister and parents live in Indiana, the other sister lives in Kentucky near West Virginia.
Since we move to RI in 2010, no one in my family has ever visited here. We’ve been to visit once.
ETA: My sisters and I all have small children. My daughter is the oldest of the cousins and is four. My sisters also have full time jobs (I’m a SAHM) so I get not taking their hard earned vacation time to visit family rather than going somewhere exotic.
Post # 15
@hotpinkbride: Me too. Or we make family trips to meet in the middle.
Post # 16
Usually we see each other every 1-3 months.