If you live in another state, how much time do you spend with your parents?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: If both sets of parents (yours and your SO's) lived in the same city, you would stay with...
    We would stay at my parents' : (18 votes)
    45 %
    We would stay at SO's parents' : (11 votes)
    28 %
    We would skip the hassle of choosing and just stay in a hotel! : (11 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3199 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @MrsEdamame:  strangely, FI and I stay separately when we go back to our home state. We’ve discussed it at length and have decided we’d continue to do the same thing once we’re married.  We still visit each other’s parents’ houses, but we really enjoying having that one on one personal time with our families. (Both sets live in the same state about 45 minutes apart)

    Post # 4
    Member
    1233 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Well we live 15 minute from DHs parents so we see them weekly but I only see my family (six hours away) maybe six to eight times each year. During holidays we’ll celebrate the holiday a day before with one family and then travel the next day or weekend to be with the other. We really don’t enjoy my DHs family so we try to give my family first dibs on holidays. When we travel back to my parents we stay at their home. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    375 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    This is so funny.  I get asked this all the time.  We live in Chicago now, but our parliter live 2 MINUTES apart from each other in Wisconsin.  ..and you know what, we still sleep at our respective parents house, apart!

     

    We usually come home at least once a month, but usually come home for other reasons (weddings, holidays), and would like time to spend with our own families.  The weekend shoes so fast, so we split up during the day, and hang out at night, but usually sleep apart. sometimes we sleep at one parents house together, but this isn’t always the case.   I’m glad to get a break  from all of his snoring!!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1040 posts
    Bumble bee

    We live in CA, but the FI’s mom lives on Long Island, and my family lives in upstate NY… so whenever we go back to NY (which is only MAYBE once a year, it’s expensive,) we usually visit his mom first, and then my family second. But we always make sure we spend equal amounts of time (usually 4 days each). And yeah, we stay with our parents at their home. Staying a hotel wouldn’t make sense, it would just be costly.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1355 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    My family does not like staying in family members’ houses, so we’d probably stay with his parents.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3557 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    We are from the same town in Wisconsin. We manage to get home a couple of times a year. Our parent’s houses are about 20 minutes apart. We always stay with my parents because they have a guest room, and his parents don’t. I would also die of allergies if we tried to stay with his parents. They have 2 cats, 2 dogs, and multiple ferrets all of which I am allergic to versus my parents with one rabbit that I’m not allergic to.

    Post # 9
    Member
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    DH’s divoced parents and my parents both live in a different state, a 10 hour drive from us. My parents visit us about once every month. DH’s dad visits about every two months. DH’s mom has visited us once in the last eight years. We’ve noticed the visits drastically increased after we had their first grandchild.

    Alternatively, we come home (both from the same hometown, 10 hour drive) once to twice a year. We spend 60-75% of the time at my parents house and the remaining time at DH’s dad’s house. We spend no time at DH’s mom’s house and generally just meet up for lunch once while we’re there. Our visit is generally about a week or slightly longer. We spend more time at my parent’s house, because they have a nursery set up for our daughter whereas DH’s dad just has a Pack ‘n Play. It’s just easier, even if it isn’t quite fair. We’re both more comfortable at our respective homes– I hate sleeping at his dad’s but he always feels a little awkward at my parent’s. Go figure 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    2661 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @MrsEdamame:  none of these options fit what we do.

    My family and SO’s family live in the same town (like, 12 min apart), so when we visit, I stay at my house and he stays at his house…even during holidays.

    We used to live 2 hours from our parents, but now it’s just 50 minutes. We really don’t visit very often, usually just holidays or if there is a specific event. We don’t typically go home “just because.”

    It’s just easier for us to stay at our respective houses. Neither house has ideal sleeping arrangements for the both of us. Also, his family is very attached to him and would probably be upset if he didn’t stay at his house. His family loves me, but I feel more relaxed staying in my own home–there’s always a little bit of pressure around the in-laws!

    Once we get married (or possibly engaged, I’m not sure) this will definitely change. I’m not sure whose house we’ll stay at more though, but it will probably alternate.

    Post # 11
    Member
    931 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We split it.  To be fair, we live in a different state, and the IL’s both live in the same state, but 3 hours away.  So we will do 1 or 2 days with one side, then drive to the other side and do 1  or 2 days there.  So I can’t vote since it is split.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    11001 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    This actually is not a hypothetical question for us.  Even though DH and I were living in different states when we met, and we both lived hours away from our parents, it turns out that his parents and mine live within a half hour of each other in the same state, near the city where we both grew up.

    When we visit, we do our best to split our time evenly between the two families. However, we actually stay (i.e. sleep, shower, and eat breakfast) at my parents’ house every day while we are there.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2915 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i didn’t vote because none of the options apply to me.

    we don’t live in a different state, but we live 5 hours away from our hometown where both our families still live. when we go visit we take turn staying with my parents and my husband’s parents.

    i prefer staying with my parents because we actually have a place to sleep (my old room). plus, it’s cleaner.

    at my in-laws’ we have to sleep either on an air mattress in the living room or squish onto a tiny (and uncomfortable) twin bed in the (very small) spare bedroom. my sister in law and her family are living there right now, so the other spare bedroom (with the bigger bed) is being used by them. it’s crowded and not the most ideal situation, but we want to be fair, so we still stay with them.

    no matter who we stay with, we try to split our time evenly, but it’s tough and (exhausting), especially if it’s a shorter visit. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1466 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @MrsEdamame:  We stay at both places… we try to split time evenly but FI has six siblings, four of which have their own families, so inevitably we spend more time with them because we have to go to more places to see them when we’re home!

    Post # 16
    Member
    6812 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I didn’t vote bc those options don’t apply.

    My parents live in NY, FI’s parents live 2 hrs south in NJ.  We live in SC. 

    We’ve been alternating who to go to or splitting it up. 

    It really depends on the event and when we go up there, we try to spend time at both places.  Like, last time I went there in mid-May, we drove all night Thur, spent the day in NY on Fri, then drove back and spent the weekend in NJ before driving home. 

    Next time will be July 4th weekend.  We’ll be going to my parents in NY for July 4th and my friend’s wedding July 5th, then we will head to NJ for the weekend. 

    I’ve also gone to NY twice without FI and he’s gone to NJ twice without me. 

    I feel like we’ve been back a lot considering we’ve only been gone since Dec!  lol

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