Post # 1
First, a little backstory . . .
There is couple FI and I know that we aren’t really close with. We used to hang out a lot, but When they had their wedding things went down south. Fi was the best man and I was MOH. I busted my ass to give her the best bridal shower ever. I kinda blew my budget on that. So when the bachellorette party came around, the girl that was planning that asked me about doing a limo. I said if the other girls wanted to that was cool, but i cannot give $ towards that since I’m recovering from costs of bridal shower. THIS IS TOLD TO THE BRIDE.
I had offered to drive that night previous to the limo talk. That happens. Well as the night went on, (She was texting her FI at the time all pissy because he was out at his party, and other things just not going right…) she ended up blowing up at me in the middle of a busy street. Needless to say I almost backed out of the wedding. Things haven’t really been the same since.
Fast forward to my and FI’s wedding. FI thinks we should invite them to our wedding because we were in thiers. I really didn’t want to, but to keep the peace I sent a STD.
Now here is the thing, we have not seen them all of 2013. Seriously. They were supposed to go out of town to a football game with us and other people and cancelled at the last minute to go out of town somewhere else. Leaving the person who bought the tix high and dry. They finally came around and said they would buy the tix if they couldn’t be sold.
it’s just all these little things that add up, you know? Makes me not want to share our day with them. FI thinks because we have sent the STD that we have to send the invite, but thinks they won’t show up. Sigh. I don’t want Emily Post mad at me, but damnit… I don’t want any chance of them coming. 🙁
Post # 3
@MissSangria: People are going to tell you that because you sent them a save the date that you need to invite them. I’m going to tell you that you can do whatever the heck you want. It’s your wedding!
Post # 4
@Autumnsnow: I agree. I just need to get FI on on the same page!
Post # 5
On behalf of the etiquette police, I am going to tell all brides who have not yet sent out “Save the Date” cards to learn from your misery (and yes, you should invite people that you have promised to invite: following through on your promises is something you learned in kindergarten. Even if you can stand Mrs Post’s being mad at you, you don’t want your kindergarten teacher to think she failed.)
The etiquette-approved form of “Save the date” is a hand-written personal letter (or individual personal email if you don’t ‘do’ hardcopy) sent to those people only without whose presence you cannot imagine enjoying your wedding, apprising them of your plans. Mass-mailed printed pre-event advance advertising is for the convention industry, not for gracious social plans. But if you do happen to be lured by the appeal of seeing your name paired in print with that of your beloved, and the attractive sale prices offered by Vistaprint, and the magnetic allure of having all that printing done on ferromagnetic stationery — all perfectly understandable: who doesn’t enjoy such things? — then prune your Save-the-date mailing list, and then prune it again. And again. Send Save-the-dates ONLY to those people whose attendance you truly, truly care about. Truly. Only.
Post # 6
@MissSangria: There was one STD that I sent that did not get a follow up invite. It’s my step-father’s brother. He and my step-father got into WWIII and there is no way I was going to invite him. Oh well. He lives in another state, never gonna see him anyway! Honestly, do what your heart tells you. If you haven’t seen them for a year, screw it in my opinion. BTW, St Augustine is my favorite town in FL (I lived in FL for 12 years). What a gorgeous place to have a wedding!!!
Post # 7
I would send an invite to be polite, but I don’t see them showing up anyway!
Post # 8
You should technically send one, but maybe send it a bit later than the other ones? Hope that they have other plans or won’t come?
Post # 9
Yes, you need to follow through on the promise of an invitation. The good news is that there is a really good chance they won’t come.
@aspasia475: That is interesting that etiquette frowns on the mass mailed, pre-printed save the date thing for private, social occasions. I didn’t know that. A hand written or personal note makes sense and saves money, too!
Post # 10
@AirForceWife78: We love St. Augustine! FI’s parents live there!
@KatieScarlett: great idea!
Thank you everyone for your replies. I already knew deep down it is the right thing to do. (Doesn’t mean it may go out a little later than everyone elses . . . )
Post # 11
I sent out Save the Dates……..
A few months later I had a major blowout with a friend. This person is no longer my friend and I DID NOT send him an invite……
I know the etiquette calls that all guests that get the STD are supposed to get an invite….
However, in my opinion, things change, people’s true colors come out, etc…….. do not invite someone to your wedding that you do not want there……….