"If you want marriage, don't marry someone who won't elope."

posted 3 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: For you and your SO, is/was eloping ever an option?
    No, not for me : (51 votes)
    12 %
    No, not for my SO : (48 votes)
    11 %
    Maybe, for me : (57 votes)
    14 %
    Maybe, for my SO : (53 votes)
    13 %
    Yes, for me : (108 votes)
    26 %
    Yes, for my SO : (101 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    When I read the title I agreed, but then the mention of dear ol’ mom changed my mind. I could never take such an important step without my/our parents at the VERY least!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1018 posts
    Bumble bee

    @ladyamalthea:  I think your situation is different. Like you said, the sentiment is that the marriage is more important than the wedding and that’s true. But if you’re having a big traditional wedding to appease family or even social norms, which a lot of people do, that is different from “refusing” to elope. If everything fell through and no one could attend, all the vendors went out of business and your venue burned down…would you REFUSE to marry him without the party? I doubt it. But it doesn’t mean that having a big wedding = doesn’t value marriage.

    I myself am having a small intimate wedding for many different reasons. If someone said having a small wedding meant we weren’t as serious because we didn’t proclaim our love in front of as many people as possible than that would be silly. Makes sense to some people, but don’t live and die by it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1491 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I agree with this to a certain extent, however, in some religions, eloping is an absolute no-no because of the religious rules involved pre-marriage stuff.  

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    1625 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @ladyamalthea:  I think there is a difference between COULD and would. Like I know we can’t possibly elope because we have such huge families that would be SO disappointed.. but if it werent for that, SO and I would be soooo be down to run away together and do it! 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    We eloped and I wholeheartedly agree.  In fact, when DH and I first started talking marriage and I mentioned going away just us, his face lit up. LOL

    Post # 8
    Member
    1327 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I think it’s a good theory, that it’s about the marriage and not just the wedding.  But in real life there are many valid reasons that someone could refuse to elope, wanting family to be there to share in the day being the first I think of.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3156 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @jessicadarling:  THIS.

    If i didn’t have a choice, I definitely would have married DH by eloping.  The reason I also married him is because he would never have put me in that position of having to choose.

    Post # 10
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee

    @ladyamalthea:  This may come off as selfish, but I really feel when it comes to the wedding the only two people whose feelings should come into 110% consideration is that the bride and the groom.

    It sounds like in your situation both of you did not feel strongly about eloping, so the decision you made suits you both. However, if both of you had wanted to elope but you felt guilty b/c his mom “would be heartbroken” if she didn’t witness it then I think mothers, brothers, aunts, godparents, grandparents, etc. need to realize that marriage is something for the two people involved in the relationship and their wishes on how to celebrate it should be respected.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1235 posts
    Bumble bee

    Me! ME! I was that friend!!! Hahahha!!! I semi wish my fi would elope.. But he won’t. But it’s not for the reason that he wants a big wedding and he’s obsessed with it, but because he thinks marriage is a promise you make in front of family and friends. 

    Post # 12
    welliesMember
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee

    We’re having a private ceremony and couldn’t be happier about it! Neither of us are big party people; we want to spend the day focusing on each other. We’ll have a small, casual reception with immediate family and close friends later. 🙂

    Post # 13
    Member
    559 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    my litmust test for beign ready to marry my then-boyfriend/now-husband was “would I marry him today if it meant I could never have a wedding.” If the answer was yes, then I was ready to marry him. And yes, I would have married him the day he proposed, without a wedding, and we would have a wonderful marriage.

    but that doesn’t mean we didn’t want or didn’t have a big expensive wedding, too. We planned the shit out of our wedding. We spent more money on it than our brand new car. We invited almost 300 people. It was a huge event and a huge undertaking and we loved every second of it. But we decided to have the huge wedding AFTER we decided that we wanted a marriage. Once we knew we wanted to be together, THEN  we decided that we wanted a party to reflect how excited and committed we were. We didn’t get married to have a wedding, we had a wedding because we were getting married. It’s a very important distiction.

    Post # 14
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    My FI is adamant that he doesn’t care how we get married, he just cares that we do. With that said, neither of us would ever seriously consider eloping because we’re both very close with our families and can’t imagine not having everyone we love be a part of our day.

    Post # 15
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @ladyamalthea:  

    We would have eloped, except it would have meant that our grandmothers couldn’t be there (they’re quite elderly and not really up to flying long distances). 

    Since we were getting married in our home town anyway, we thought we might as well have a party. But I would have just had a very small wedding (i.e. just parents, grandparents and siblings) if that was what my DH had wanted. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I would never consider eloping as my first choice and neither would FI. We are both super close to our families and not having them there wouldn’t fly with either of us. We wanted to do small destination, but the chance that all of our family members could make it was slim, so we opted for in town. 

    Now, if we didn’t have any family left, eloping may have been an option, but that would be one tragic accident for both of our families to suddenly die. 

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