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at a destination wedding. What would you expect to have to pay for?
Hair?
Makeup?
Car rental?
Hotel?
Dress?
Nails?
none of the above?
All of the above...I'm in a destination wedding in October and will be paying for all of these.
I personally would say all of the above, with mabey the exception of the hair. It would be no diffrent than traveling 5 hrs to be a bridesmaid stateside. I would not expect the bride to pay my way. I might bitch, but it would be with love.
If I was a BM at a destination wedding, I would expect that I would have to pay for travel, hotel, dress, hair, makeup. Pretty much everything... except for nails, because it would be a waste of money - I destroy pretty nails in 30 minutes!
All of the above
Well maybe not nails... if the bride is requiring a french manicure or something I might expect the bride to pay.
I would expect to pay for all of those things but it might be a nice surprise to have the bride treat to the nails or something.
I left off the nails because that would be something I would do anyway before going on a "vacation" but yea.. that's not really nessacary for some...so that might be an exception too
I will be paying for my BMs make up for sure.. and their hotels for the time before the wedding. Do you think it would be a little ..idk..much.. if I asked them to pay for their hotel the night before the wedding? I am not asking anyone to do their nails... and most likely we will be splitting costs to drive up to the destination. SO...that would bring it to...
Rental car (splitting costs)/gas
hotel for night before wedding (splitting costs for 1 room)
dress
...Too much?
@MrsNeutrino: Did they know you were planning a destination wedding when you asked them to stand up with you?
If so they shouldn't be surprised to pay for at least a portion of the room/travel, in fact I would be pleased if the bride pitched in for any of it.
Hair/make-up, my position is that if the bride requires them to have it done a certain way then she should pay for it. If it's okay for them to DIY but they choose to have a stylist/MUA then that's their call.
What you're expecting them to pay for seems perfectly reasonable.
I'm surprised at the responses... I'm having a local wedding and no way am I making my BMs pay hair, makeup, or nails! But the rest I think would be reasonable to expect to pay as a BM. I think your short list is very reasonable- even at local weddings many people have to pay for a hotel if they don't live nearby.
Hair- maybe
Makeup-no
Car rental-split with others
Hotel-split with others
Dress-yes
Nails-no
I would expect to pay for all of the above. Cost is definitely something I would consider before accepting the title as bridesmaid.
ETA: Car rental and hotel, I'd split with others.
I would expect to pay for it all, but I would hope the bride wouldn't force me to have my hair/nails/makeup professionally done if money was an issue.
i didn't pay for any of those things for my BMs, but i also didn't require anything besides the travel obviously - but even if they couldn't come to my wedding, i still considered them my BM (which happened with two girls actually). it was up to them to get their hair, makeup and nails if they wanted. all but one of them opted to get hair and makeup, and the one that didn't did a great job on herself.
ETA: i guess the other thing i "required" was the dress, but i gave them free reign on style, length and fabric - i only wanted the color the same. And if any of them came to me and said they can;t afford it, i would have helped them. in fact because i required the dress, i WISHED i could have paid for them, but i just couldn't and i knew they were ok and i had been in 3 of their weddings (out of 6, 3 were married) and paid for my own BM dress so it was kind of a mutual expectation in my group that BMs pay for their dress.
and i bought them jewelry that i required they wear. shoes were up to them, though i gave the recommendation of silver flat sandals.
I'm a BM in a destination wedding in May and I expect to pay for everything: travel, hotel, dress, and any beauty treatments I chose to have. Even if I was just a guest at this wedding I would still be paying for all those things anyways so I don't see how it's any different being a BM.
I would also expect to pay for it all, but I would hope that if I am to pay for my hair and make up I had the option to do it my self if I wanted.
I'd expect to pay for it all. So if there were anything gifted to me or anything I could split with the other girls, that would be great!
I would expect to pay my own way in everything, but graciously accept any help offered by the bride :D
I would be a little miffed if I wasn allowed to do my own hair and makeup to save some money, but i would definitely expect to pay my own hotel and everything.
I'd expect to pay for it all.. but it is always nice when hair/make up isn't mandatory. that what the BM can save some money if they like!
@Lexy: I am thinking maybe I will not ask them to do their hair professionally anymore.. and just have my cuz help out.. or have them DIY it. It is ok for me to spend my own money (or FI's hehe) but it makes me sick in my stomach pit when I have to ask friends to spend their money on me :-/ and yes- they knew it was a destination wedding :)
I’d say dress, hotel and car rental (if I felt it was necessary). Regardless of whether the wedding is destination or local, the BM should not have to pay for any beauty services that they don’t personally want. If the bride requires them to be extra pretty (i.e. pro hair and MU) then she should cover it. If the bride doesn’t care either way but the BM makes the decision to have the beauty treatments herself, then it’s expected that she’ll pay for it. I think nails would fall into this category, too. If the bride wants something specific then she should pay. It’s easy enough for a BM to throw on a coat of neutral nail polish the morning of.
I would expect to pay for them all. I might think it was a little unreasonable if the bride REQUIRED professional make up and nails on my dime but if it was presented asoptional and i wanted it I would assume I would pay
Yeah, I would not expect to pay for hair, makeup, and nails, especially at a DW. I would it myself. If it was important that it was a certain way, I would hope the bride would chip in for that. I would also want to split the hotel and transportation with the other BMs.
oh and i was a BM once in a DW and i paid for everything,. the bride tantalized us by saying she might pay for our hair, but when we got there, she said she couldn't afford it. i would have preferred she never said anything until she was sure - which is what did with my BMs, i was hoping to have extra cash for their hair, but didn't so i never said anything to them that i had been thinking about it.
Hotel and dress. If the bride is requiring that hair, nails, and makeup be professionally done, then the bride should also pay for those. Transportation should be available to the wedding or wedding-related stuff, but if you're all staying together and going together I don't think you need to rent them each a car.
EDIT: I kind of worded this backwords as the things I think the bride should provide.
I'd like to point out that I might not expect to PAY for hair/makeup, but rather just do it myself. Thats what I'm doing for my girls anyway, but I'm not having a DW.
@galloway111: I agree. If it’s a DW I think the couple should go out of their way to show their appreciation to their BP. I think it’s bad enough when the bride requires her girls to pay for professional services for a local wedding. If I was in a DW and the bride told me I had to cough up even more money for pro hair and MU, I would be none too pleased. DW’s are expensive for everyone but even more so for the BP who has to pay for their dress as well as all pre-wedding festivities. I really feel like couples should expect the bare minimum from their BP (i.e. buy/rent your attire and show up) when it’s a DW.
I dont see it as any different than a local wedding or semi local wedding that requires a 2+ hour drive. I'd expect to pay for all of it. Yes, destination wedding cost more especially when a flight is involved, but if you agree to go to the wedding and be in the wedding, that your acceptance of the cost.
@MabelleBliss: the rental car would be for us to drive from home to the CO where the wedding is. I didn't want the girls to have to pay for flights.. so I offered to drive up with them. I think I might actually ask my mom to borrow her SUV, this way it would basically just be gas costs associated with the travel that we could all split. We could also use the car to drive around up there if need be.. or my mom could use it to drive her family around ..stuff like that. FI will also be driving because his car will be our getaway car..
As a BM I would expect to pay for any transportation and lodging costs including and the Dress (shoes & perhaps Jewelry too).
If a bride requires hair, make up and nails to be professionally done I would expect her to pay for it. I am offering this option to my girls but it isn't required as I am not footing the bill.
@pinkshoes: I agree completely.
Ok, without looking at anyone else's responses first:
Hair? NO
Makeup? NO
Car rental? YES
Hotel? YES
Dress? YES
Nails? NO
Of course, it'd be NICE if the hotel room or dress were paid for, but I wouldn't expect it. I'd factor all those costs in (airfare + hotel + car + dress + gift) before deciding to accept or not.
@MrsNeutrino: That's exactly what I would expect to pay for! Hotel, gas/airfare, and a dress. I wouldn't want to have to pay for my hair or makeup, but I would if you were my best friend and you really wanted it to happen! :)
@MrsNeutrino: If the rental car isn’t for their personal use while in the destination then I don’t think that they should be asked to pay for it, especially if it’s going to be getting you there as well. That should be something covered by the couple, imo. As for gas, I wouldn’t be upset if I was asked to chip in but that also seems like something that the couple should cover. Then again, I’m all for making their lives easier.
@UpstateCait: well, if my mom lets me borrow her car.. there would be no car rental costs. Personally, I would prefer to fly.. but I am driving to help save them some money on airfare. But no, its not for the personal use of 1 person.. its for everyone to use! Because everyone is chipping in sort of deal.
@jo.lee: ok cool :) I just emailed my BMs told them that hair and nails are optional! Make up is covered.. and hotel before the wedding is covered. The night before the wedding.. and gas I would like to split.
Interesting how some folks differ, I'd expect to pay for nails for sure, but maybe not hair/makeup.
Honestly dress and hotel. If all the other was required I'd decline to participate. It's expensive enough to get there, nevermind the wedding party add ons.
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